Here's why the theory that Taylor Swift is a satanist clone absolutely checks out
What went wrong with Hiddleswift? The same thing that always makes Taylor Swift's relationships go down in flames — her man's unwillingness to commit to a Faustian bargain.
See, Swift's uncanny resemblance to Zeena Schreck, former high priestess of the church of Satan, has been common knowledge on the internet for a while now. Rumors of a deeper connection have reached a fever pitch recently, based in part on the airtight theory that Swift is a clone of Schreck, who is the daughter of Church of Satan founder Anton LaVey.
The evidence is hard to shake off.
SEE ALSO: Calvin Harris says 'all hell broke loose' after Taylor Swift breakup. Well, duh.
Schreck and Swift are both best represented by the serpent emoji and have blonde hair. Schreck's dad founded the Church of Satan, while Swift's (surrogate) father is a Merrill Lynch executive who owned a Christmas tree farm.
Obviosuly, the two women have too much in common to ignore, but their connection cannot merely exist on the surface. A close look at their life stories suggests an interwoven plot that all points to the truth — Swift's love for Lucifer is red, burning red.
Zeena Lavey grooming her clone, Taylor Swift. pic.twitter.com/KB11Zl1KzY
— Prolebasaur☭ (@Prolebasaur) August 18, 2016
2. Taylor Swift is actually an illuminati clone made from Zeena Laveys DNA, a well known satanist from 1985 pic.twitter.com/FKlQuHE59v
— $TEEZY BABY (@fuckthtx) August 18, 2016
Schreck was high priestess of the Church of Satan from 1985-1990, which is very suspicious, because Taylor Swift talks a big game about being born in 1989. Naming her smash hit album 1989 is clearly TayTay LaVey's desperate attempt to emphasize that she had a normal human birth and was not cultivated in a cauldron and/or laboratory. The whole thing reeks of a coverup.
As soon as Schreck created a currently unknown number of clones of herself to carry on the work of Satan, she moved on to conquer new territory, because she's an overachiever. Kind of like Swift, who shares her entire genetic makeup.
Back in 2012, Schreck spoke to Vice about her post-Church of Satan, which includes a music venture — a band called Radio Werewolf. Interesting!
Schreck traveled a lot throughout these years — "grab your passport and my hand" — and devoted herself to Sethianism, a faith devoted to the ancient Egyptian god, Seth. Schreck went on to become high priestess of the Temple of Seth because she's a crossover queen, just like Taylor slaying the country and pop charts with her doting squad by her side!
@suupernerd no, es zeena lavey pic.twitter.com/HKhh9rCYER
— mamáckenzie (@starla__) August 20, 2016
All this evidence is pretty damning, but here's how we know that TSwift is a clone with absolute certainty — she's not the only one.
Remember Becky?
Image: tumblr
The Tumblr legend who allegedly snorted marijuana at a party and died instantly is definitely another clone of Schreck.
When Swift acknowledged the meme in 2014, people thought she was proving she could be in on a joke. But was she just gloating over the fact that she is the queen of the clones? Yes, friends, she was.
Image: taylor swift/tumblr
Now that it's crystal clear that Swift is the devil, what does this mean? It definitely puts One Direction music and the fate of Harry Styles' immortal soul in a whole new light.
harry dated taylor swift and taylor swift is a clone of zeena lavey who was a satanist which means taylor believes in satan
— 🌹 (@craicful) August 23, 2016
harry dated taylor swift and taylor swift is a clone of zeena lavey who was a satanist which means taylor believes in satan
— 🌹 (@craicful) August 23, 2016
taylor introduced harry to satanism when she showed him her pussy as in HER CAT meredith
— 🌹 (@craicful) August 23, 2016
the virgin mary who birthed jesus christ himself WHILE STILL A VIRGIN?? no honey i don't think so
— 🌹 (@craicful) August 23, 2016
heaven is up and hell is down harry thinks angels are devils so you guys HARRY IS RIGHT AND WE ARE ALL WRONG
— 🌹 (@craicful) August 23, 2016
that's why planet earth is hella fucked bc we're all confused EXCEPT for harry that's why he's unproblematic
— 🌹 (@craicful) August 23, 2016
Keep up the evil work, Taylor!