HEY, WILLIE! Easy to criticize LIV golfers, but what if you were offered that much money?

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HEY, WILLIE!

As far as the LIV golf is concerned, it would be hard for the average golfer to avoid jumping on board for that much money. But since most don't have a chance to jump, it’s easier to throw rocks.  

I feel the other major sports draw more viewers, which equals more money to throw around. Maybe in a few years everyone will settle down and all the tours will work something out peacefully.

I just don't like golfers being locked out of events, and don't see that being a good answer to this.  

MARK

Dustin Johnson and Phil Mickelson were the first two major "gets" for the Saudi-backed LIV golf tour.
Dustin Johnson and Phil Mickelson were the first two major "gets" for the Saudi-backed LIV golf tour.

HEY, MARK!

Since this whole effort was designed to provide positive PR for the Saudis, but has instead spotlighted their most-negative features (with caddying help from Greg Norman), you wonder how long they’ll keep the cash flowing to a lost cause.

If it plays out over a few years, it seems destined to end up in court. Yippee.

As of now, the Saudi-promoted tournaments aren’t recognized by the Official World Golf Rankings, which is the vehicle by which many golfers earn exemptions into the major championships. Once major talents start missing major tournaments due to this, the legalities are sure to speed up.

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HEY, WILLIE!

As far as comparing the TV ratings of the Daytona and Indy 500s, I always thought Daytona had the advantage since lots of people in the country are stuck inside their houses due to the winter weather.   

The Indy 500 is run on a holiday weekend during much better outdoor weather for most of the country, with many other options other than TV. When I still lived in Indiana, I knew warmer weather was just around the corner when I watched the Daytona 500.

MARK (AGAIN)

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HEY, MARK (AGAIN)!

Good point, but Daytona nearly doubled Indy’s TV number this year. Not sure the wind-chill could account for all that.

The best example of your theory, of course, was the historic 1979 Daytona 500, which was the first one televised in its entirety. Much of the country was serving in-house detention due to a near-nationwide blizzard, and therefore treated to the last-lap theatrics of that race, which is often credited for NASCAR’s 1980s acceleration.

HEY, WILLIE!

If the Saudis cut off your hand for stealing, what would they do to Patrick Reed for illegally moving his ball?

GEORGE

HEY, GEORGE!

Good one.

HEY, WILLIE!

I was recently thinking about our own local hero while enjoying a new brew at the Ormond Brewing beer garden: Smokey Yunick Porter (best damn Porter in town!).  

What sort of trickery do you think Smokey would employ in the new IMSA prototypes for next year’s 24-hour race? 

Smokey Yunick
Smokey Yunick

Maybe magnetos on all four wheels, so you get a bit of extra electricity. Or hamster wheels with magnetos! They don't weigh much, so on the pit stops, change the tires, change the driver, change the hamsters.

We’re still thinking of you, Smokey. Cheers!

GREG

HEY, GREG!

Smokey would be flattered to have his name on something resemblingke the motor oil you’d slip into the engine on qualifying day.

I found a review and learned Smokey’s porter also has an ABV of 8%, which tells me it’s a “beer” for those who don’t like the beer most red-blooded Americans enjoy.

Thanks but no thanks. One of the underrated reasons our forefathers broke free of colonial rule was our distaste for 10w-20 porter. How our nation’s capital didn’t end up in Milwaukee is beyond me.

You also forced me to learn a few things about magnetos. Gee, thanks.

Let’s cleanse the palate with the latest offering from the Great American Golf Joke Tour . . .

HEY, WILLIE!

So we’re playing a late-afternoon nine holes and come to the tee on the par-3 ninth, with a lake in front of the green. 

Bill dunks his tee shot and turns to Jim to say, “I can’t believe it, but I’m out of golf balls.” Jim hands Bill a brand new Titleist, and Bill dunks another tee shot. He asks Jim for another and proceeds to hit a third ball into the pond.

Bill hates to end his day like this so he begs for another ball, and Jim says, “well . . . OK, just one more.”

As Jim hands Bill yet another Titleist, he says, “you know, Bill, this is getting kind of expensive.”

Bill says, “Listen, Jim, if you can’t afford to play this game, get another hobby.”

MIKE

HEY, MIKE!

Just dawned on me, golf is the only sport that has its own joke catalog. I’d include fishing except I don’t need a bunch of y’all telling me it’s not a sport.

— Reach Ken Willis at ken.willis@news-jrnl.com

This article originally appeared on The Daytona Beach News-Journal: LIV Golf: Mickelson took the money, maybe you would too | HEY, WILLIE!