Hillary Clinton Has Found a Strange New Career in Comedy
Hillary Clinton, erstwhile presidential candidate and the person who has been living rent-free inside Trump's head for at least four years is, I am duty-bound to report, now doing comedy on the internets. Clinton took to Twitter this weekend to drop a scorching parody of Trump's misbegotten letter to Turkey's president and it is... definitely something!
Found in the archives... pic.twitter.com/iFFeqloYHM
— Hillary Clinton (@HillaryClinton) October 20, 2019
The former Secretary of State has taken to delivering pithy retorts to Trump's tweets in recent weeks, apparently having studied hard in the Learning Annex "Resistance Tweeting for Fame and Faves" course but this latest burn is in a class by itself.
Someone should inform the president that impeachable offenses committed on national television still count. https://t.co/ABObD2Ie4S
— Hillary Clinton (@HillaryClinton) October 3, 2019
The new tweet, a Photoshopped mock-up of a fictional letter from JFK to Khrushchev, pokes fun at Trump's demonic frat boy tone, his villain-in-an-afterschool-special goading, and his bargain basement rhetoric. The letter, from the account of a former first lady, begins "don't be a dick, okay?" and I'm afraid I must summon my smelling salts before proceeding any further.
Trump's laughable letter was the subject of much derision last week, a shockingly clumsy bit of attempted diplomacy from a man whose primary work product seems to be easy targets. That said, it is surprising that Clinton herself joined the fray. No, not only joined the fray, but fired up a bootleg copy of Photoshop on a private server (I'm kidding) and went to town. This is so much. And while I am impressed by the level of effort exerted (quite a bit more than my quote tweet that read "this dude" with an eye-roll emoji) I must object.
Hillary Clinton doing comedy on the internet is a threat to me personally and I cannot abide this! The should-be 45th president is coming for my bag. So much for job creation! If Hillary Clinton is going to be tweeting out jokes about the Trump administration does that mean I should pivot to inspiring speeches and getting standing ovations at Broadway plays? I mean, I don't mind this Freakiest of Friday switches, but I would have appreciated a heads up or something.
Hillary Clinton heard there was an opening at SNL after the controversy early this season and she had her packet ready! She's going for the third anchor chair on Weekend Update. And I think she has the votes to get it.
While experts describe the substance of this tweet as "funny," scientists are warning that the existence of the tweet itself is "beyond the rubicon." All this time we've been wishing we could get to a parallel universe and now we're here and, wow, it is not better at all!
Would I pay good money to watch Hillary Clinton perform an evening of standup? Sure. What else am I doing? Not tweeting out jokes about the president anymore because, apparently, that position has been filled. But, like Sally Field in Steel Magnolias, I just want to know why. Whose idea was this? Who downloaded the Photoshop? Who greenlit the phrase "busting my nuts"? Where is the exit row on this plane?
You know what? Let's just go with it. Nothing surprises me anymore. America is now an Outback Steakhouse: no rules, just right. Elizabeth Warren is dropping stunning burns at town halls, Hillary Clinton is shopping around a half hour network sitcom, and me? I'm going for a long walk in the woods of Chappaqua. Let's all just live.
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