Hope is not a plan but it's all I have for the Ukraine I hold in my heart
I lived in Moscow from 2012 to 2015. My husband Alex was stationed at the embassy. We had a toddler and once winter arrived I got a little restless with the short days so I searched for jobs and found a volunteer opportunity at a school where I could teach and our daughter could attend preschool.
I am fond of saying I learned everything I really know about Russia and Russians while working in a private kindergarten. It’s my “back in St. Olaf” story beginning, but in many ways it was truly like a sitcom with a crazy cast of characters.
One of my colleagues was a young Ukrainian woman, Karyna. I rarely saw her when she wasn’t holding someone’s hand or sitting with children all around her. She greeted me with a warm smile every morning and then she would usually ask if I would like her to braid my daughter’s hair because she is incredibly talented in that way and I am not. She is a gifted musician and led our music program.
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Sometime after I moved back to the US, Karyna returned to Kyiv. Through social media I watched her get engaged, have children, and open a small kindergarten (preschool) of her own. I love following her Instagram posts. If they weren’t all in Russian, you might assume she was a young American or Western European mom.
The bravery of a friend
A few weeks ago I began messaging, asking if she had planned to leave Ukraine or what she would do in the event of an invasion. On Valentine’s Day, she replied to me, “We stay in Ukraine. I believe Putin is smart enough not to start a war. We hope that it’s a political games and it’s difficult to imagine a real war in 21st Century in the middle of Europe.”
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A few days later I implored her to leave, saying Russia was going to attack. She replied, “Where do you know this information? We were informed in tv Russian warriors go back in Russia.” I told her I knew they were saying that but intelligence indicated otherwise, and she replied, “I am afraid but this game can last for years.”
What could I say to that? I don’t know anything about living in a place where war could break out at any moment. I worried for her safety but admired her resolute optimism.
In the past week she posted stories and pictures of everyday life like an update on the renovations on their new apartment and a sweet story about their usual family pizza night while watching Beauty and the Beast. We exchanged our normal emoji replies to each other’s posts until Saturday when I told her invasion was certain and they should try to leave immediately. She sent the saddest reply of all, “We read the news all the time, but we can no longer leave. We stay in Kiev and hope…”
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I cried when I read that. Hope is not a plan, but sometimes it is all we have. I prayed for Ukraine, and hoped along with my friend 4,800 miles away.
Holding hope for Ukraine
When I moved to Kyiv in October 2009 I had almost no hope in my heart. We expected to move there with a newborn, but I arrived there with my daughter’s urn wrapped in the blanket in which she took her last breaths. I spent many days taking long walks around the city enjoying the beauty and soaking in the vitality and energy of her storied history and proud people. At that point Ukraine had been a democracy for less than 20 years and life was not easy for most, but as someone who was in the throes of intense grief, I was in awe of their humble determination to keep going.
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Kyiv is where I lived when my mom called to tell me my father had died and when I returned after his funeral, she once again held me and comforted me with the most gorgeous spring I have ever experienced. A reminder that there are new beginnings every year after the long dark winter. And right before I moved back to the U.S., Kyiv gave me my most treasured gift I have received, my daughter Eleanor. After months of fertility treatments in Kyiv, I left Ukraine with new life growing inside me and real hope for my future.
As long as we have life, we have hope. But the reality is Karyna and her more than 44 million fellow citizens have much more than hope: They have the strength of their forebears, a people who have fought to maintain their independence for hundreds of years. They have the support of many Russians who, like my friend in Moscow, who is the same age as Karyna, told me yesterday, “We are against war, we don’t know what is going on but many Russians are protesting,” and they are being joined by millions of others around the world. But most importantly Ukrainians have a tenacious resilience even as they face the unprovoked aggression of a madman.
No matter what happens in the coming days and weeks, I have no doubt the story of their courage to fight with everything they have will be told to generations to come.
Hope, as they say, dies last so I will continue to hold hope in my heart for Ukraine and all her people. Slava Ukraini! Slava Geroiam! Glory to Ukraine! Glory to the Heroes!
Rachel Vindman is a wife, mom, writer, activist and host of "The Suburban Women Problem" podcast. She is a member of the USA TODAY Board of Contributors. Follow her on Twitter: @natsechobbyist
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This article originally appeared on USA TODAY: Ukraine and Kyiv hold a place in my heart. Hope is all I have to offer
