Idaho, you’re so cringe: Top 10 embarrassing news stories of 2023

There’s lots to love about the Gem State.

But plenty to cringe about, too.

So with the Idaho Legislature back in session — working diligently to create the most embarrassing news stories of the coming year — it’s time to take a look back at the prior 12 months’ standout moments.

Before we begin, a friendly warning: This list is dominated by politics. Idaho politicians are embarrassing. And, increasingly, extremists sully our state.

As always, the picks are subjective. Something that brings shame to certain Idahoans — in, say, Boise’s North End — might bring pride, even schadenfreude, to their neighbors — in, say, Eagle. (I mean, um, “Idaho’s Little Orange County,” as the Los Angeles Times noted, speaking of cringe). So don’t bother dashing off an angry email telling me that I’m Idaho’s #1 embarrassment. Or do. Just don’t make any typos, or I might reply!

Also, there are many honorable mentions missing in this roundup. (Me still using an iPhone shoveled from the pits of a port-a-potty? That didn’t make the cut.)

And, like, how is Dorothy Moon not on this list?

Either way, rub those palms together. Prepare to slap your head repeatedly. Grab a box of Kleenex to dab those tears of mortification. Nobody rubs it in their own faces like us, Idaho. Let’s do this!

Idaho legislator likens women’s reproductive rights to cows

Last year’s session of the Idaho Legislature kicked off predictably: With a (newly) elected official saying something amazing. This time it was Rep. Jack Nelsen, R-Jerome, introducing himself bizarrely to the House Agriculture Committee. “I’ve milked a few cows, spent most of my time walking behind lines of cows,” volunteered Nelsen, who was a partner in a dairy and farming operation for decades. “So if you want some ideas on repro and the women’s health thing, I have some definite opinions,” he proclaimed with a chuckle.

Whaa? Plenty of people weren’t laughing. And with Roe v. Wade having just been overturned — and Idaho’s Republicans working on hardcore abortion bans — the “women’s health thing” cow comment couldn’t have come at a more insensitive time.

Nelsen apologized later, to his credit. “I am deeply sorry,” he said. But not before his comments had made headlines as far away as the Daily Mail in London. Mooooo!

Ammon Bundy exits Idaho forever (we hope)

Wait, this isn’t one of Idaho’s most embarrassing news stories. It’s one of Idaho’s most encouraging news stories.

Anti-government bully Ammon Bundy has left the building — aka his former home in Emmett. An Idaho transplant of the worst sort, Bundy and his attention-seeking antics have brought shame on the Gem State for years. But after a jury decided he owed St. Luke’s Health System millions of dollars in a defamation lawsuit, and St. Luke’s began to seize assets per court orders, Bundy fled in late 2023 to go into hiding.

(Also, let’s not forget a related head slapper: An Idaho judge granted Bundy a trial delay to pick pears and apples from his orchard! After Idaho’s most embarrassing bully had, as the Idaho Statesman put it, “repeatedly ignored court dates, doxxed judges, encouraged his followers to show up at their houses, screamed at sheriff’s deputies who were simply doing their jobs by serving him court papers, and called court rulings tyrannical and unjust.”)

Bundy’s exact whereabouts aren’t clear, but The Atlantic reported he might be holed up in Utah. If that’s the case, I do feel bad for our sanctimonious neighbor state.

Bundy seems more like a Florida Man, right?

Extremists mangle North Idaho’s educational systems

Need a depressing read? Take your pick from these two pieces of national journalism about far-right extremists savaging North Idaho’s educational system.

There’s The New York Times’ headline “The MAGA-fication of North Idaho College” with the summary: “GOP activists set out to root out the ‘deep state’ at home. An Idaho community college may never be the same.’ ”

Or there’s Vanity Fair’s “’People have to wake up’: From the front lines of Idaho’s school board battles against the far right.” Its summary? “After extremist culture warriors mounted an electoral coup in West Bonner County, parents and local leaders are fighting to reclaim and rebuild the school district, brick by brick ... . ”

Somehow, North Idaho College hasn’t lost its accreditation yet. It has until April 2025 to return to good standing before that implosion occurs. As for West Bonner? Who knows if the school district can recover. At least the tenure of embarrassing, unqualified power-seeker Branden Durst as superintendent was short-lived. Maybe he should go room with Bundy.

Idaho politicians travel to Oregon for talk about secession

Absent a world-changing event — for example, a Martian invasion, which I’m sure plenty of Idahoans believe is coming — no eastern Oregon county ever will be allowed to join the Gem State. So when will the ridiculous Greater Idaho movement go away?

It’s bad enough when Oregonians beat the drum for their conservative secession fantasy. But when Idaho lawmakers travel to Oregon to discuss it? That’s mind-bogglingly moronic. Still, it didn’t stop Reps. Barbara Ehardt, R-Idaho Falls, and Judy Boyle, R-Midvale, from meeting in Baker City, Oregon, in October with an Oregon House member and Malheur County commissioner.

Ehardt said she’s been “fascinated” by the Greater Idaho idea. Did you ladies stop in Ontario? Because sane Idahoans might wonder whether you’re puffing something.

AR-15 prize at Eagle bar’s conspiracy trivia night

Looking for entertainment in downtown Eagle? You’ve got interesting choices at Old State Saloon, which took over the former Gathering Place bar in early 2023.

This Idaho watering hole hosts Bible study groups. “BYOB! Bring Your Own Bible!” Old State recently posted on Facebook. But hold on, pastor. Why BYOB when you can QAnon? Who wants to spend study time on the Ten Commandments when it’s needed for important topics like chemtrails, Jewish space lasers and Jeffrey Epstein?

In 2023, you could head down to Old State Saloon for “Conspiracy Theory Trivia” night — where the prize was an AR-15 rifle. You know, the semi-automatic, military-style firearm always in the news! As the bar pointed out on social media this summer, you could “Uncover the truth they don’t want you to know AND win an AR-15 ... !”

What a terrific look for Idaho.

In a yearlong sick day, Idahoans opt out of vaccinations

The COVID-19 vaccine “controversy”? Booooring. So let’s pretend that Sen. Tammy Nichols, R-Middleton, and Boyle — her again — didn’t sponsor a bill trying to make it a crime for a doctor to give someone a shot with mRNA technology, like the Moderna and Pfizer vaccines. And I’m going to look past the “conscientious objector” Rite-Aid pharmacist who rudely canceled a Boisean’s appointment, going viral in the process, and refused to give COVID-19 booster shots.

There’s a bigger vaccine story that should make us wince. Because it involves the well-being of Idaho children.

It’s a national concern. During the 2022-23 school year, the percentage of kindergartners whose parents opted them out of routine, state-required childhood vaccinations edged up to the highest level in history — 3%, according to the CDC.

Naturally, Idaho was the worst state — by a freaking mile. Roughly 12% of kindergartners in the Gem State received exemptions from one or more vaccines. That’s just insane. Are these purposely irresponsible parents trying to send us all back to the Dark Ages?

This isn’t just embarrassing for Idaho. It’s terrifying. Nearly 20% of our kindergartners aren’t even vaccinated against measles.

That’s “a wildfire waiting to happen,” Kelly Moore, chief executive of Immunize.org, told The Washington Post.

Extremists run off Idaho’s teacher of the year

I know, I know. This list already has way too many examples of culture-war nutballs. It’s a telling indicator of the type of controlling, unfriendly people Idaho is attracting. They ambush our librarians, schools — and yes, even Idaho’s 2023 teacher of the year.

Karen Lauritzen, who was a fourth-grade teacher in Post Falls, essentially got run out of the Gem State after winning the honor. She decided to move to Illinois after Idaho extremists labeled her a “left-wing activist,” according to The Boston Globe. It was for all the predictable reasons: supporting LGBTQ+ students, African-American students — even daring to teach about the United Nations?

“I should have felt celebrated and should have felt like this is a great year, and honestly it was one of the toughest years I have ever had teaching, not only with my community but with parents questioning every decision I made as well,” Lauritzen told the Globe.

Pathetic.

Idaho blows off $15M to feed its hungry kids

Idahoans are accustomed to government ineptitude. But when it yanks food out of the mouths of 123,000 of our kids? That’s inexcusable. It’s really the only way to describe the state dropping the ball on a federal program that would have provided $14.8 million to feed low-income students seasonally.

Started during the coronavirus pandemic as a way to alleviate hunger when the school-lunch safety net evaporates during summer, the program (Pandemic Electronic Benefits Transfer) feeds children who qualify for free or reduced-price meals. Idaho used the money in 2021, and took it partly in 2022. But in 2023? Nope. Idaho’s departments of Education, and Health and Welfare, just left the cash sitting there — apparently through budgeting snafus.

How does this possibly happen?

Denise Dixon, director of the Idaho Hunger Relief Task Force, perhaps said it best. “To me, it’s criminal,” she told the Statesman. “To me, it’s criminal not to feed our children (when) we have federal funds sitting there.”

Sen. Jim Risch: Where to begin?

No disrespect, sir, but Sen. Jim Risch was a constant joke.

There was the goofy video on social media of him jogging away from a relentlessly questioning staffer of the liberal group American Bridge 21st Century, and asking U.S. Capitol Police to intervene. (Risch has wheels for an 80-year-old! OK, he was 79 then.) There’s the fact that Risch is so boot-lickingly Trump-scared that he refused to acknowledge that Jan. 6 rioters wrecked his office. “I don’t do interviews on Jan. 6, but thanks,” NBC News quoted him as saying.

But it was an act of actual boldness that probably irritated Idahoans most — a flagrant abuse of power. Risch made a series of failed attempts to try to reduce airplane noise over his 44-acre Southwest Boise ranch, ignoring what’s best for the rest of us. He hit up everyone from the Boise mayor’s office and the FAA to fellow embarrassing Republican Sen. Ted Cruz.

Risch’s goal was to divert planes taking off from the Boise Airport to fly over parts of Meridian and Nampa instead of his ranch, even though it wouldn’t have been as safe or efficient. “With this latest stunt, it once again looks like Risch represents himself much more than his constituents,” an Idaho Statesman editorial noted.

Why are so many Idaho voters blind to this fact about our politicians?

In-N-Out Burger opens, and Idaho loses its mind

In-N-Out Burger coming to the Treasure Valley was a huge deal to tons of Idahoans. Particularly California transplants longing for their iconic fast-food restaurant.

But holy #$%@, did folks go bonkers. When the Meridian store opened in December, they car-camped overnight and froze their butts off. They lined up for a drive-thru wait that reportedly was up to eight hours!

Idaho’s overreaction to a fast-food joint turned into national news. TMZ reported on it. The New York Post reported on it. The Washington Post reported on it.

There was even a thread in Reddit’s hall-of-shame TikTokCringe community, titled in part: “Y’all done lost your gd minds. Imagine having to call off work for this. LMAOOO.” (Ugh, it has 4,500 comments.)

Sure, In-N-Out’s debut here was fun. But it was all pretty embarrassing, too.

Which sort of sums up 2023 in Idaho. Happy horrifying New Year!