IDK How to Tell You This, But Katy Perry Was Suspended from School for Humping a Tree
While many kids were busy trading Silly Bandz in the sixth grade, Katy Perry had other things on her mind that will make you soooo uncomfy! Sorry in advance, but because I know, I need to share it with the world so you all can join me in saying, "WTFFFF, Katy?"
So, Katy was hanging out with her parents this weekend and digging through some momentoes, which is when a 1996 suspension letter resurfaced and came to everyone's attention, for better or for worse.
Katy, of course, found it so hilarious that she posted it on her Instagram stories. What did it say? You might want to sit down for this one. Apparently, Katy was humping a tree for a pretty strange reason.
The letter stated, "At the 2:00 p.m. recess, Katy and four other students were in an 'off-limits' area (behind the backboards) practicing a skit. Katy pretended that a tree was Tom Cruise and began making sexual motions (pelvic thrusts) to the tree."
Did you get that? Of all the other late '90s teen heartthrobs she could have chosen, she picked TOM freaking CRUISE. Not, like, Leonardo DiCaprio or Jonathan Taylor Thomas. That's something she'll have to take up with a higher power much later, I guess.
Back to the letter. It also stated, "When Katy met with Mrs. Calkins, Mr. White, and myself, she was asked to describe or demonstrate what she had been seen doing on the playground in front of some other students. Katy chose to describe it. Her words were 'it was inappropriate' and 'like making out.'" LOLLL. At least she was honest, right?
Apparently, this wasn't Katy's first run in with the honor code. She had been in trouble for calling third graders "brats," which, fair. Plus, she also admitted to playing Spin the Bottle and Truth or Dare, which the school said "resulted in students kissing on the cheek." Basically, girlfriend had a lot of warnings while at Santa Barbara Christian School and this tree hump sitch was the last straw.
Katy captioned the picture, "When I was suspended in 6th grade for humping a tree and I guess other stuff." TBH, those were pretty good reasons to be suspended in the grand scheme of things, and she should put that letter on her fridge.
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