Iowa woman killed 1 day after restraining order issued against man suspected in her death

Francesca Block, Des Moines Register
Updated ·5 min read
1
Police sirens

A 25-year-old mother was found dead inside her Iowa home one day after a judge issued a protective order against 29-year-old Nathan Bahr that prohibited him from contacting her and her two minor children.

Eldora police found Desiree Folsom on May 26 on the floor of her home suffering from multiple gunshot wounds, according to court records. Investigators connected the shell casings at the scene to Bahr, who remained at large until local authorities took him into custody in Gilbert, Arizona, on Monday night, according to Hardin County sheriff Dave McDaniel.

Bahr, the man Folsom accused of domestic abuse just a few weeks prior to her death, has now been accused with her murder, according to a warrant for his arrest. He will not formally be charged until he's extradited from Arizona to Iowa.

More: 23-year-old Des Moines man shot in the head dies after a week on life support

Police: 'We do our best to ensure their protection'

Folsom filed the petition for relief from domestic abuse with the courts on May 15. The court imposed a final protective order on May 25, the day before Folsom's death.

Bahr had not previously been arrested for domestic violence, court records show. McDaniel said because the petition was not associated with an arrest, Bahr was not in police custody in the weeks leading up to Folsom's murder.

"We do our best to ensure their protection," McDaniel said of those who obtain protective orders through the court system. "Obviously, we don't have the capabilities to provide them 24/7 protection at their residences. We do what we can to mitigate any threats we can."

Advocates: restraining orders not foolproof

Kirsten Faisal, director of training and technical assistance at the Iowa Coalition Against Domestic Violence, said restraining orders are one of many tools domestic violence victims can use to try to keep themselves and their families safe, but they are not foolproof.

"It is ultimately a piece of paper," she said. "Law enforcement has no grounds of jurisdiction to act before somebody does something. They can't act preventatively."

Faisal said restraining orders can be helpful in communicating to an abuser "that the victim is not helpless" and that the abuser "will be held accountable for their behavior." However, Faisal warned that filing for a restraining order can also be a "trigger event" that can lead abusers to escalate the violence they inflict on their partners.

"People who batter their partner don't do it because their partner says 'yes' ... they do it when they feel like they are being told 'no,' when they sense resistance," Faisal said. "And there really isn't a bigger resistance than saying 'I don't want to be in a relationship with you anymore' and then taking that to court."

Tips to consider when filing a restraining order

Faisal said victims of domestic violence should take the environment and potential risks into account when considering filing for a restraining order against their abusers.

"When I'm talking to a survivor about a restraining order, I want them to know that they are the expert," Faisal said. "They're the best judge of how escalated their partner is and if this is going to increase their danger, or if it might help to decrease the danger."

Faisal recommends victims who do seek a restraining order to stay with family or friends in a different location until the threat from their partner subsides. She also recommended victims put in place emergency plans for them and their children in case their partners do show up at their home or the location where they are staying.

Faisal's other recommendations include putting in place security cameras and keeping spare phones in strategic locations in case someone needs to call 911. Faisal also warned that obtaining firearms can lead to an escalation in violence between victims and their abusers.

More: As Pieper Lewis faces prison, supporters say Iowa's lack of a girls home is partly to blame

Remembering Desiree Folsom

McDaniel said the local authorities will continue to do their best to provide support and protection to victims of domestic violence.

"We're just thankful he's in custody and nobody else was harmed," he said.

A vigil for Folsom will be held at the Iowa Falls-Alden High School track field at 4 p.m. June 4.

A family member declined to comment about the case when reached by the Des Moines Register.

How to seek help if you are a victim of domestic violence

If you or someone you know is a victim of domestic violence, reach out to:

  • The Iowa Coalition Against Domestic Violence, which serves all 99 counties in Iowa. To locate a program near you, visit icadv.org.

  • The Iowa Victims Service Call Center. It provides free, confidential resources for anyone experiencing domestic violence. Advocates are available 24/7 at 1-800-770-1650, or text IOWAHELP to 20121. To learn more, visit the center's website at survivorshelp.org.

  • The Safe at Home program run by the Iowa Secretary of State's Office, which provides substitute addresses, mail-forwarding services and confidential voter registration for survivors of domestic violence, sexual assault, trafficking, stalking or other violent crimes. To learn more, visit safeathome.iowa.gov.

  • The National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). Or text START to 88788. Learn more at thehotline.org.

  • The Love is Respect Teen Dating Violence Hotline at 1-866-9474. It also can be reached by texting LOVEIS to 22522. Learn more at loveisrespect.org.

  • Residents of the Des Moines metro can reach out to Children & Families of Iowa through their local crisis hotline at 515-243-6147.

Culturally specific organizations that serve victims of domestic violence

  • L.U.N.A, which serves the Latinx community of Des Moines. Reach their hotline at 515-243-6143 or visit their website at https://www.lunaiowa.org/

  • NISAA African Family Services. Call their hotline at 844-269-6203 or visit their website at https://nisaa-afs.org/

  • Monsoon, which serves the Asian and Pacific Islander communities of Des Moines. Reach their hotline at 866-881-4641 or visit their website at https://monsooniowa.org/

  • Embarc, which serves the Burmese and refugee communities in Des Moines. Reach their hotline at 515-512-1881 or visit their website at https://www.embarciowa.org/.

This article originally appeared on Des Moines Register: Iowa woman killed after restraining order filed against alleged abuser