Is an Irish exit actually rude? An etiquette expert weighs in

We've covered Irish songs, Irish blessings, Irish beer, and Irish traditions, but the Irish exit is one tradition that you may not know.

That's because the Irish exit is anything but. In common parlance, an Irish exit (or "Irish goodbye") refers to someone leaving a social gathering without notifying the host.

“An ‘Irish exit’ is another name for slipping out the back (or front) door seemingly unnoticed by the host,” national etiquette expert Diane Gottsman tells TODAY.com.

However, the actual origin of the Irish exit is unknown. In other countries, leaving without saying goodbye is known as a "French exit," "Polish exit," or "leaving the English way."

Regardless of the term's birthplace, the Irish exit continues to raise etiquette questions. Read on to find out whether the Irish exit is a social faux pas, or just a seamless way to say goodbye.

What is an Irish exit?

Simply put, an Irish exit is leaving without saying goodbye.

Gottsman, who is also the founder of the Protocol School of Texas, says that she frequently answers questions about event etiquette.

"People just want to know, is it appropriate? Was it rude for me to leave? Or, I had guests over and all of a sudden one was gone," she says.

While Gottsman’s clients don’t typically use the term 'Irish exit' in their queries, Gottsman notes that the general concept of Irish exits remains relevant in her line of work.

When is an Irish exit appropriate?

While Gottsman says that even a quick goodbye is preferable to an abrupt exit, she acknowledges that there are always exceptions to the rule.

According to Gottsman, an Irish exit is acceptable "when you are at a large event and you can’t find the host, or you see the host is tied up with other duties or in deep conversation, and you have spent a good amount of time at the party mixing and mingling like a good guest is expected to do."

Larger, less intimate occasions like fundraisers and office parties are generally more acceptable occasions for a quick goodbye.

Additionally, there's a little more leeway if the party runs late into the evening.

"We certainly don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, but at the same time, we want to be respectful of our own boundaries," Gottsman says.

Of course, most people will understand that unforeseen emergencies happen to everyone.

Gottsman lists several circumstances that would justify a speedy exit, including illness, food poisoning, childcare cancellations, and family emergencies.

When possible, Gottsman recommends sending your host a belated note of gratitude once the situation is resolved.

"I do think that a 'thank you' afte an event is always appropriate," she says.

When should you avoid an Irish exit?

According to Gottsman, suddenly leaving a small, intimate event like a dinner party or baby shower is an "absolute no."

While Gottsman acknowledges that Irish exits may seem easier or more practical, she emphasizes that leaving without saying goodbye is almost always frowned upon.

"There is very little justification for an Irish exit that doesn’t most of the time scream 'rude' to the host," she says.

If you hope to receive future invitations, it's best to acknowledge the host on your way out the door.

"A quick and friendly goodbye to the host, or at least a smile and a wave, is the best 'au revoir' you can manage," Gottsman says. "It’s the polite way to end an evening and leave your host thinking you are a wonderful guest."

Luckily, there are still a few expert-approved options if you do have to leave quickly.

"Reach out to the host by phone, text or thank-you note and let them know you had a great time," Gottsman says.

This article was originally published on TODAY.com