Israel's treasured Hanukkah candles loaned to Trump White House now at Mar-a-Lago

Some borrowed national treasures of Israel have ended up in Mar-a-Lago, America’s most notorious stash house.

Efforts to retrieve the ancient ceramic candles loaned to the Trump White House in 2019 in what was expected to be a one-time Hanukkah candle-lighting event have been unsuccessful so far, Israel’s Haaretz newspaper reported.

Oh, boy. Here we go again. As a seasoned observer of the sticky-fingered habits of Mar-a-Lago’s chronic hoarder, I would advise the Israeli Antiquities Authority to forget about its treasured candles.

Consider them irretrievably looted. In the future, you might want to be more careful in screening what sorts of disreputable characters you loan your treasures to.

There’s no telling which Mar-a-Lago storage room, hall closet or bathroom shower stall is the new home for those treasured items. But you’re in for a surprise if you think former President Donald Trump will give up the loaned valuables that were never intended as his to take.

Let’s face it, any guy who would put his own country’s national security at risk in order to take nuclear secrets as personal keepsakes won’t flinch in glomming some potentially valuable tchotchkes from another country.

The ancient ceramic candles were supposed to be loaned to the White House for just a couple of weeks, Haaretz reported.

The COVID-19 pandemic delayed the return of the treasures at first. Eventually, the Israeli Antiquities Authority enlisted the help of a Trump political donor to get them back.

But that didn’t work, either.

“Several months ago, Israeli authorities learned that the antiquities eventually ended up in Mar-a-Lago,” the story said.

That has left the Israeli Antiquities Authority with a big decision to make: Do you go after your national treasures by any means necessary? Or do you agree to have your name added to the very long list of Trump victims?

If you go the tough route, you might consider taking back the antiquities with force. This would probably take the form of a daring beach assault by Israel’s elite Shayetet 13 commando unit.

Not only would that be risky, but it might also involve parking citations from the Town of Palm Beach Police.

But if you’re still considering a raid, I recommend a consultation first with the FBI. The bureau has some experience in how to properly storm Mar-a-Lago in order to recover high-value stolen materials.

But a surprise incursion of Trump’s lair to get back the valuables is a politically volatile move.

Just suggesting taking back the possessions in this manner would probably trigger Trump to call the Israeli Antiquities Authority a “fascist, Marxist, communist” organization.

You’ll all be called “deranged.” And millions of easily bamboozled, deranged Americans will believe it.

Trump will say the ancient candle holders don’t really exist. And he’ll start adding “the Hanukkah hoax” to his MAGA-rally list of grievances.

He will then accuse your members of hating America and being part of a vast conspiracy called “The Deep Shtetl.”

That will lead to death threats against members of the antiquities authority, and some will have to go into hiding —  and I’m talking about something far more unpleasant than wintering in Boca Raton.

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Even if photographs are produced that show the ancient artifacts inside Mar-a-Lago, it won’t change things. Trump will just switch arguments.

He’ll speak at rallies about his clear-cut rights under the “Presidential Treasures Act,” an imaginary measure that allows an American president on the way out of office to take personal ownership of anything that’s not permanently nailed down inside the White House.

“I don’t even have to write down what I’m taking,” Trump would say. “All I have to do is think about taking it, and it’s mine. All mine.”

Fox News will line up its full complement of legal analysts to talk about the unquestionable, vast presidential rights in the non-existent Presidential Treasure Act. And Republican Party leaders — America’s strategic reserve of self-serving cowards — will meekly enable Trump’s lies once again.

I know. I know. By giving up on recovering your treasures, you’re abetting thievery. But at this point, it would take a miracle, like the Hanukkah story itself, to get your treasured candles back.

Best to just walk away, and consider it a lesson learned.

On the bright side, at least no women got groped.

Frank Cerabino is a columnist at The Palm Beach Post, a part of the USA TODAY Florida Network.

This article originally appeared on Palm Beach Post: Classified docs? Israel can't even retrieve loaned candles to Trump