Jennette McCurdy says writing her memoir allowed her to 'miss' her mom amid abuse allegations
Jennette McCurdy appeared on Anna Faris' podcast Wednesday.
McCurdy said publishing her memoir, "I'm Glad My Mom Died," helped her find closure.
McCurdy alleged that her mother was abusive before her death in 2013.
Jennette McCurdy finally has closure after alleging her mother abused her for years in her new memoir, "I'm Glad My Mom Died."
On Wednesday, McCurdy reflected on the memoir and the aftermath while talking with host Anna Faris on her podcast "Anna Faris is Unqualified." McCurdy, 30, said writing the memoir helped her come to terms with her relationship with her mom. Debra McCurdy died in 2013 after a battle with breast cancer.
"I think closure is a hard thing to come by, if it is even possible to come by," McCurdy told Faris. "But I think that's something the book helped me with. I think there was some attempt to find closure – to find shape. Now, I'm able to have this experience with my mom where I can just miss her."
"To just have 'oh, I miss her,' and it can just be that," McCurdy continued. "Instead of, 'I miss her, I want to throw something, I'm angry, I'm hurt, I don't want to miss her, I do miss her," McCurdy said. "It was so fucking complicated for so long, and now it does feel easier."
McCurdy also recalled how "normalized" the alleged abuse became during her childhood.
"For me, my brothers were playing Nintendo's Goldeneye while my mom was chasing my dad around the house with a knife," she said. "It just becomes so normal, and a part of everyday routine."
She added: "When I was little, I didn't realize it was abuse or trauma. I just thought, 'The boys are playing 007, mom's chasing dad with a knife, grandma's crying with toilet paper on her head.'"
When Faris asked if McCurdy had a hiding spot, McCurdy said she wished she did but her mother was a hoarder, so "there was no way of hiding because she had shit everywhere."
McCurdy's memoir "I'm Glad My Mom Died" was released on August 9. In it, McCurdy said her mother was a narcissist who "encouraged" her anorexic behaviors. McCurdy wrote that her mother introduced her to calorie restriction and they would "team up" to count calories to stay within their weight goals.
McCurdy, who starred as Sam Puckett on Nickelodeon's "iCarly," also wrote that her mother discouraged her from befriending co-star Miranda Cosgrove because Cosgrove "didn't believe in God."
"Mom warned me not to get too close to Miranda because she doesn't believe in God. (Nathan is OK for me to get close to, Mom says, because he does. 'Southern Baptists are no Mormons, but at least we've got Jesus in common)," she wrote.
According to The Washington Post, McCurdy also claimed that her mother insisted on giving her showers until she was 16. McCurdy wrote in her memoir that her mother would perform routine breast and vaginal exams.
"She worked really hard to keep our relationship very private. I now see it as conditioning, but at the time, I thought, 'Oh, Mommy and me have a relationship that's so special," McCurdy wrote. "Like when you have a best friend and you have all these secrets and that feels like a form of intimacy. That's exactly what my mom did with me — only it wasn't friendship. It was abuse."
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