Jessamyn Stanley on Her Body Confidence Journey and How Yoga Helped (And Didn't Help) Her Get There

From Seventeen

Everyday we praise celebs for showing off their un-photoshopped bodies, but Jessamyn Stanley has been doing it for years. Through Instagram, yoga, and her completely raw images, Jessamyn has found confidence, not only in herself, but in hundreds of thousands of her followers. The yoga instructor and influencer now travels the world, inspiring others to accept themselves and celebrate their bodies. In honor of National Body Confidence Day, Seventeen sat down with Jessamyn to talk all things yoga, body positivity, and how she learned to love herself.

When did you start posting about yoga on social media?

I started posting on Instagram as a way to connect with other people and to log my practice and to feel like I was a part of something bigger, not just in my own yoga bubble. But the response that I was getting from people was like, "I didn't know fat people can do yoga," and I was like, fat people do all kinds of stuff all the time. I quickly realized that there was a huge visibility issue. There's just not enough people showing their practices so that's what got me to keep posting. If I didn't have that motivation, honestly I don't know if I would have continued on social media, because I do think that yoga asks the opposite from us. Social media asks that you constantly be asking other people: Is this good enough? Am I good enough? And yoga is all about turning that answer inside.

I had a moment a few years ago where I almost deleted everything because I was just like, I don't really see how this is serving my personal practice and ultimately all I really care about is maintaining my yoga. I realized, though, that there's an opportunity to show what a yoga practice actually is. It's not just about the postures. It's about this internal experience that's messy. It's really not fit for Instagram, it's something that brings up all of the things that we try to hide inside ourselves. I felt like there was a way to share my journey with other people and letting that be the reason why I post.

What kind of reaction did you get when you first started posting and how has it changed?

I don't even know if it has really changed that much, to be honest. The response I definitely got in the beginning was like, "Fat people do more than just sit on the couch and eat pizza?" It's very much feels like you're in the zoo, where people are just like looking at you like, "how is this thing happening?" But now, I think the response has shifted, at least in the sense that I notice way more people being like, "I am so inspired. You proved to me that I can be anything that I allow myself to be." I think that narrative is something that I could never have sought out. I'm just showing up and existing and I think that is a very powerful force.

Do you find that a lot of your followers aren't into yoga and follow you for general inspiration?

Totally. The story that I always tell is, I was teaching in London and it was a very hot class full of people and I actually peed on my yoga mat during the class. I'm just letting it all hang out in this room and there was this guy in the front row who was just a typical hot, model-looking guy. He comes up to me after and says, "Oh my god, that was the most amazing experience. I've just been feeling really down on myself lately and this was really uplifting and I feel so great." I was like, "Bitch, you got body image issues? You look like a model!" He was someone that I would never have thought to reach out to, even energetically. Now, I recognize that there is actually no difference between us.

It's not just about the physical practice [of yoga]. I think we see so much fake stuff, on the internet especially, that seeing someone who's being really authentic is refreshing. I also think that people see me just trying to live my best life and they recognize that truth in themselves and they're like, "That's what I'm trying to do and if she's doing that then I can do it too."

Have you always been so confident?

Oh my god no. I don't think there's a point where you get to it and you're like, "Yeah, I'm good, forever." You're always getting older and you're always changing and there are always new things that are going to come up and conflict with whatever equilibrium you've managed to find. For me, it's just getting used to those ups and downs and being OK with them and not feeling as though I need to do anything differently or I need to feel ashamed for having any kind of internal conflict. I think that as far as confidence goes, it just ebbs and flows each day, depending on who I'm around, what I'm doing, and how I'm engaging.

I don't think that body confidence is tied to my yoga practice, but I will say that the main thing that was different before is that I used to always think about what other people thought of me. I would try on an outfit and be like, "OK, what could somebody say about this?" Now, I try not to think about what other people think. That has been tremendous for me. It's like going into therapy with myself every time I think I'm projecting my internal drama onto someone else. I always say that body shaming is one of the first addictions that I ever had and I am an addict. It's something that I have difficulty letting go of and everyday I come back to my practices and I am just in a permanent state of recovery. I think that really seeing and loving myself in that way is also really helpful.

What do you mean when you say you're addicted to body shaming?

It can feel good to be mean to yourself. I don't want to put it on my parents, or the media. I think it's a result of a combination of all of the different things that surround us. It can feel like you're doing yourself a favor by being critical and being like, "Oh well, I could be thinner or I could have pants that fit this way or maybe one day I'll be able to wear this bathing suit."

So yoga didn't help with your body confidence?

I think that sometime people see me and they're like, "There's a fat person who doesn't hate themselves and is practicing yoga, so yoga means not hating yourself." But I just know way too many yoga people who hate their bodies for me to think that they’re necessarily connected. I do think that having some sort of self-reflective practice—something that can tune you back in to the truth of who you are—is helpful. But what was really helpful for me was, not the yoga itself so much, but noticing the way that I talk to myself, like when taking photos of my yoga practice. When I would go back to look at the photos, I went immediately back to where I was before I started practicing where I would have that critical eye and I'd be like, "Oh my god, look at my stomach."

It took several weeks, probably months, honestly, before I really noticed that no one else is saying these things about me. I am being my own worst enemy. I'm not doing right by myself. I'm not serving myself.

I think that, until you really notice those circuits, there can't really be any work done. It's kind of like putting a bandaid on your body when you don't know where the injury is. You're just like, "I'm just going to slap this on and we'll see if it works one day," but you have to really notice, "No, I'm the one doing the damage, this is where it's coming from and now I need to heal."

Do you think that yoga has helped you become more self-reflective?

For sure. Another reason why I try not to equate yoga and my body confidence journey is because I think that yoga is so much bigger than the physical body. I also think that if you believe that the be-all-end-all of your identity is wrapped up in your physical body, it's impossible to really let go of anything because you'll think, "I'm only as good as my physical body." So yoga is very helpful in that it creates a road to be able to understand that we are much more that our physical bodies and there has to be an integration of the mind and the body to have a spiritual connection.

What does self-love mean to you?

To me, self-love is being able to gaze upon myself and be really happy. Even the best self-love comes from making the decision that, regardless of whether or not anyone else would have done the same thing, or even if I'm walking by myself and no one else gets it, at least I'm being true to me. Self-love feels like being true to myself, ultimately.

What advice would you give to your 17-year-old self?

I would say: You are perfect. Everything about you is in the place that it needs to be and I know it doesn't seem that way because we live in a homogenous world where you're taught that there's only one way to be, but in reality we are all unique snowflakes that have all these intricate edges and the reason that you're here is because you're different. It's because you're so wild and the worst thing you can do is try to tamp down that wild because anyone who wants you to tone yourself down doesn't actually care about you and you are at your best when you are free.

What about advice for your followers and people who are on their own body confidence journeys?

To anyone on their own body confidence journey, I would just say, don't sweat the days when you're not feeling yourself. Those days are really important to the process because life is a journey, it's not a destination. So, just be cool with the fact that there's going to be ups and downs and some days you're going to feel good and some days you're going to feel terrible and that's what makes you human and it's beautiful. If a child just stopped trying to stand up after they've fallen down once, then none of us would be walking around. It's that exact same thing. Just like when you were a kid, you were learning how to walk, you're learning a whole new perspective. Don't sweat the days when you fall down.

Some of the answers have been edited for brevity.

Follow Carolyn on Instagram.

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