Julie Bowen shares the 1 question she asks to get her teen boys to communicate

Julie Bowen has keyed the lock to getting a teenager to communicate beyond eye rolls and sighs.

"I ask my kids, 'Who got in trouble in school today?'" the "Modern Family" alum tells TODAY.com. "I do it all the time. That's been my entry point. But I'm dying to ask, 'Who do you like? Who are you snapping with' (on Snapchat)?"

Bowen, who is starring in Peacock’s upcoming drama series “Hysteria,” is the mother of three boys: Oliver, 16, and twins John and Gustave, 14, whom she co-parents with ex-husband Scott Phillips. "But you can't freak out after you've asked the question," she says. "Let's normalize it, because all kids get in trouble at some point."

Bowen doesn't take the hits to heart.

"The best advice I ever got was to not fear being a 'mean mom,'" she says. "Don’t worry if your kids don’t like you — it probably means you're doing something right. My kids are starting to like me but at least once a week, they say, 'Oh no, you’re still that mom.' But I see how my kids have turned out. I love them and I think they’re hilarious. I love hanging out with them."

Bowen spoke to TODAY.com at the Santa Monica Pier in Los Angeles during a pop-up event for her new campaign with Life cereal. The brand created a national parenting hotline to swap tips from the trenches. Moms and dads who post advice on social media with the hashtag #ifykyk ("If you know, you know"), might receive a response from Bowen herself.

"I wish this was around when I started having kids and felt like I had to do everything perfectly," she muses. "But you know what? Good enough is good enough. If you kept your kid alive, fed and healthy, those are huge wins! We don’t give ourselves enough credit for that. Instead it's, 'You didn’t get an A+?' or “Why are you dressed like a crazy person?'"

Bowen thanks her sister, a mom and infectious disease doctor, with imparting life-changing advice.

"I used to be miserable about how selfish teenagers can be," says Bowen. "They have last-minute plans that change and I'm like, 'How do you think you're getting there?', 'Who is paying for that?' and 'How is this magically happening?' I'm just the ATM or Uber driver?"

"I think it was my sister who said, 'It sounds like you're expecting your kids to actually meet your emotional needs,'" she recalls. "I just wanted acknowledgement that I was human! But kids don't really see parents as human. They might every now and then, but remember that it's probably an accident."

When it happens, it's like stars colliding, however briefly.

"Sometimes my son will say, 'Thank you so much mom' or my boys will be sweet, kind and inquisitive and then 30 seconds later, it's 'Can I have some money?'" she says. "'We just have to raise them as the humans they are. That doesn't mean we have to be indulgent or their best friends."

Bowen polishes the bond with her kids through every-day tasks.

"Drive them everywhere," she advises. "Let them control the music, even if it makes your ears bleed and use that 40 minutes without eye contact or their cell phones, and you might get two sentences out of them."

Bowen offers an advanced hack to gain more intel: Be a carpool mom.

"Get more kids in the backseat and shut the heck up," she says. "That's when you actually get the tea."

This article was originally published on TODAY.com