Just 36 Funny Tweets For Anyone Who's Sick Of Dating
Twitter is basically for two things: Sharing hot takes you pray are smart and won’t get you canceled and tweeting jokes about the sad state of your personal life. (Because if you don’t laugh, you’ll cry. And if you don’t tweet about it, you’ll certainly never go viral!)
Below, we catalog some of the best tweets we’ve come across about dating and what it’s like to be single in 2022. If you’re on the verge of deleting your dating apps because you’re completely over it, we guarantee these will make you laugh.
me: dating sucks, lot of weirdos out there
me on dates: hey i had three beers before you got here do you believe in ghosts— trash jones (@jzux) September 9, 2021
dating hot guys is the worst, and I should know, because a lot of my friends have done it
— Ginny Hogan_ (@ginnyhogan_) October 14, 2022
i think if you have your little first date at a coffee shop or a bar the staff should be able to come over and tell you both that it’s not working
— amelia elizalde (@ameliaelizalde) November 27, 2021
I can tell climate change is real because men aren’t holding as many fish in their dating profiles
— harper-rose’s deleted tweets (@HarperRoseD) September 5, 2022
women just want to date someone who will watch all the tiktoks they send
— chunky fila (@chunkyfila) January 11, 2022
my sister just sent me this screenshot from her tinder lmfao. pic.twitter.com/Sqc2HPeb5Z
— UnaBalla (@LeUnaBalla) June 30, 2022
girl asking u on date: I was thinking wine at sunset :) whatever day works best for you! 💓
guy asking u on date: wanna meet at a dark bar? like, right now.— gory (like corie but blood) (@corietjohnson) August 16, 2021
I don’t need to date a doctor I’ll settle for a patient I just wanna make out
— Meg Stalter (@megstalter) July 11, 2021
gay men got dragged so hard for having “no fat guys” in their dating bios that they pivoted to “workout buddies welcome” — proud to be part of such an innovative community.
— caleb hearon (@calebsaysthings) November 14, 2020
dating apps are like "would you like an ad for beer in between this horrible profile and the next horrible profile?" like no I would like to become a woodland creature who plays a lively flute from dusk til dawn
— Lane Moore👉PDX 10/15, NYC 11/5 (@hellolanemoore) August 16, 2022
New tinder profile pic pic.twitter.com/uzmC8AVFWV
— yeah ok (@poutinesmoothie) June 30, 2022
my new rule for dating is that i’m not going to save their number in my phone until we’re married
— Melissa Ong (@MelissaOng69420) January 31, 2022
all respect for pillow princesses but why is this person on tinder saying shes a pillow princess looking for other pillow princesses..... girl who is doing the work
— jumbotron (@jubricant) June 15, 2022
I'm looking forward to my Golden Girls era when every man I go out with asks me to marry him by the third date.
— Akilah Green (@akilahgreen) January 4, 2022
yes!! the place for performative activism is on your dating app profile !! yes!
— Jack Corbett (@jackcorrbit) March 20, 2022
i would still definitely date a skateboarder and that’s how i know i’m not ready for children
— taylor garron (@taylorgarron) May 3, 2020
I’m bi so that means dating me is a mistake for both men and women.
— Camille Corbett (@TheWittyGirl) June 25, 2021
Men on dating apps keep requiring that I speak fluent sarcasm but they don’t have that on duolingo 😔😔😔😔☹️🙁😩😣😞😔😫😫 what do I do
— caitie delaney (@caitiedelaney) May 20, 2022
sorry i don’t talk on the first date
— teryn (@youngtiddy) August 12, 2022
deleting my dating apps because I have a crush pic.twitter.com/U4xDEXQv9J
— 7/11 Truther (@DaveMcNamee3000) August 29, 2022
When you’ve been casually dating a 40 year old man and ask him if he wants to take it more seriously and he’s like “i just don’t think im ready 🙈” ok well you know who IS ready? The grim reaper. It’s over for you. You’re never finding love David
— clintoris (@clintoris) December 25, 2021
Girls actually text each other like, "I’m meeting a guy allegedly named Brian here📍If he murders me here’s his Bumble pic so he can be brought to justice" and then the reply's like, "You got it girl - have fun tonight! 😘😜"
— Mary Kobayashi (@MaryKoCo) October 9, 2022
Every time I go on a date I reward myself with a hot pocket for my open heartedness
— Blair Socci (@blairsocci) June 18, 2021
I know dating apps aren’t “games” but I think you should earn little coins every time you avoid a trap or dodge a bad guy or unlock a new level
— Sara K. Runnels (@omgskr) June 21, 2022
I love going on dates with boys that allude to something hard in their childhood and I don’t ask them what it is because I know it’s not a competition but if it were I won
— sally darr (@sallydarr) August 15, 2022
dating apps are punishment for being single
— violin bug (@violinbug) January 12, 2021
hey boy are you a decorative pillow because you look great on my bed but you can’t stay here when i’m trying to sleep
— trash jones (@jzux) October 10, 2022
dating is just when different men named Ben or Mike show you video games
— Charlie James (@nonbinarycowboy) January 4, 2021
On a first date, my Bumble match declared, “I have gout.” To which I nodded sagely and, in attempt to make things less weird, said, “Just like Ben Franklin.” Looking back, I have no notes. I did my best.
— Sara Schonfeld (@SaraSchon) September 25, 2022
Just saw someone call themselves a "winecaholic" on a dating app and that's...that's just alcoholism...
— Jacob Geller (@yacobg42) July 15, 2020
a man on a dating app: "I'm ethically non monogamous, yes my wife knows" dear reader, I can guarantee you she does not
— Queen Kitten 👑 (@ElaniKitten) September 15, 2022
15 is thinking that Keane song "Why don't we talk about it somewhere only we know," is soOooOooO romantic.
30 is knowing better, choosing a very public/populated meeting place, and sending your location to three friends.— Gurit Brecher Laro 💔🩺 (@heart_brecher) August 6, 2022
90% of dating is just pretending to be blown away when someone tells you they're a child of divorce
— Robert Schultz (@_RobertSchultz) January 26, 2021
Thanks to hinge I can now tell if someone is a moderate based on their first photo
— sacrifical virgin(ia) (@va_dickens) October 4, 2022
but this is my emotional support increasingly intimate situationship
— trash jones (@jzux) October 12, 2022
my favorite part about dating apps is being rejected by men who i would run away from if i ever saw them on the street
— Sydney Battle (@SydneyBattle) September 30, 2020
This article originally appeared on HuffPost and has been updated.
