Justin Bieber Violated by Jenny McCarthy, Lives

Last night saw the celebration of the annual American Music Awards, an ancient tradition of song and dance during which many wacky and wild things are prone to happen. One such wild and maybe not all that wacky depending on how you look at it thing that happened was that Justin Bieber, teenage prince of the Northlands, won an award and, when on stage to accept it, was kissed and groped by one Jenny McCarthy, aged 40. Yes, 18-year-old Justinius Bieberus was assaulted with a barrage of weird neck kisses and even a butt goose by the former Singled Out hype woman, and nobody did anything about it. When at the microphone immediately following the incident, Bieber "jokingly" told the audience, "I feel violated right now." Which... maybe he really did! Maybe it is a little weird to have some random lady, 22 years your senior, paw and kiss you in front of millions of people? Who knows. The whole thing was just a lark, I guess, but there is a strange undercurrent of menace to it all, and it's all a little unpleasant. Anyway, it seems that Bieber had a fine rest of the evening. He won several awards and his date was his mom and he was wearing weird drop-crotch pants and funny slip-on loafers. But still: Jenny McCarthy manhandled him. A mixed bag of an evening, I guess. Fun things and then a weird thing he was sort of forced to laugh at because otherwise it would be too intense or something. Whatever his reaction, it seems like maybe sound advice to tell Jenny McCarthy to stop groping strangers because she thinks it's funny. Just seems like a good overall policy. [Us Weekly]

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Speaking of the AMAs, here is a gallery of all the highlight fashions from the evening. Lots of ladies wore metallic dresses, while lots of the dudes made very pained and specific efforts to look cool. Mark Ballas from Dancing With the Stars, for example, wore a hip jacket and a skinny tie and, snarf, a wallet chain. Oohh, yeah, good thinking, Mark. You wouldn't want someone stealing your wallet at the American Music Awards. Smart idea to protect it like that. Those American Music Awards can be pretty dangerous. And hey, if it happens to look cool to boot? Well that's just added bonus. Elsewhere, Gwen Stefani wore some strange smoking jacket/cardigan hybrid, while Nicki Minaj wore Julie Bowen's dress from the Emmys. I am pretty sure it is the same dress? If it is not the same dress it is strikingly similar. Everyone was surprised that Ke[dollar sign]ha looked like a mostly normal human on the red carpet, with platinum blonde Veronica Lake-style hair and a little lace dress. No glitter or warpaint or feathers or sticky coating of Jack Daniels or anything. Just regular low-key glam. Truly shocking. Oh and Heidi Klum wore a very nice gold figure-skating outfit. Maybe the devoted mom had just come from ice skating with her kids. Or maybe she was going to an ice-skating party after the show. Whatever the reason, it was a nice figure skating look and I can't wait to see what she does in Sochi in a little over a year. [Daily Mail]

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While you Earth humans were all out enjoying your Saturday nights, well, the ol' Romneytron 3000 was also stepping out with his goodwife Ann, taking in a creature feature and eating some fine pizzaed pie. Yes, Mitt and Ann were spotted out and about near their San Diego home, leaving a screening of The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 2, a wonderful fantasy where the Mormon archetypes win in the end. Then they went to a pizzapie shoppe to eat some "Delicious sauced bread with hardened cow's milk," as Mitt zestily put it. Isn't that cute. One mysterious thing about this little outing, though? This: "Our spy says the couple was joined by two young men, but it's unclear who they were." Hm. They were not bodyguards, the article says that. So who were these two young men with whom the Romneys went to go see Twilight? Well, if we didn't know any better we'd say that with the national spotlight turned away from them at long last, the Romneys have decided to finally let their freak flags fly. The Romney's are swingers, baby! With young men. That could be it! (That is almost undoubtedly not it.) Or maybe they were two of the Romney boys and this "spy" just didn't recognize them. Which would be strange, because it shouldn't be that hard to recognize two automatons with blinking lights for eyes clanking down the street. Maybe the Romneys are friends with a young gay couple? That seems totally likely, right?? [TMZ]

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Also out on the town, this time on Thursday night, was Scarlett Johansson, who apparently has a new man. She was seen eating at the newly reopened West Village hotspot the Beatrice Inn, more a restaurant than a club these days, with a mysterious fella. A Page Six witness saw the whole thing: "They were very lovey-dovey and holding hands under the table all night. They were holding each other while outside smoking in the cold." The gentleman, described as tall and slim with dark hair, was also thought to have been speaking French at one point. Which, oh no. Is Olivier Sarkozy cheating on Ashley Olsen??? That would be terrible! They're the world's most perfect couple! I mean, just look at them. This better be a different tall dark-haired Frenchan, Scarlett. Don't do that to true love. Get your own creepy Frenchman. That one's taken. [Page Six]

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The Rihanna 777 plane tour continues its weird grind across the world, stopping over the weekend in Paris, where RiRi played a truncated show so she could get to the afterparty on time. The press and fans traveling with her were invited to the party but after a while Piff Diddles showed up and his security made all the hoi polloi vamoose. It was OK, though, as everyone was tired from having not slept the night before. Didn't stop Rihanna, though, as she danced and drank with her fabulous friends until the wee hours. The next day everyone got back aboard the sure to be stink-filled by now airplane and zoomed off to Berlin. They fly to London today, and then of course the plane will chart a course to the frozen Antarctic where it will disappear forever, Rihanna and her captive guests skipping through a hole in the ozone layer and traveling to the deepest reaches of space, Rihanna taking them to where there really are diamonds in the sky. We'll miss them, but also celebrate them as brave explorers all. [Us Weekly]

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Hey, look: Katie Holmes rode the subway again and she fell asleep! Even though she was with her daughter, who was calmly eating an apple, Holmes took a moment to close her eyes and get a little shut-eye. We'd assume she was with some sort of bodyguard so it was OK to fall asleep holding her young daughter on a crowded train full of strangers, but one thing about this story does trouble us: An apple, on the subway??? It is gross and wrong to eat anything on the subway, let alone some sticky fruit that you have to eat with your hands. What do you do with it when you're done? You just hold some browning apple core until it's your stop? That sounds bad. The whole thing is strange. Why would you WANT to eat an apple on the subway? Or eat anything on the subway? It's like Suri is a small child who doesn't care about such things. Truly mystifying. [Daily Mail]

Don't worry, celebrities are paying tens of thousands of dollars to rebuild the dunes in the Hamptons to protect their mansions following Hurricane Sandy. I know you were worried about the celebrity dunes, but they're going to be fine. "Everyone on Gin Lane lost their dunes," said someone with inside knowledge. Oh no, not Gin Lane. People like Calvin Klein live there! He needs his dunes. Hey, look, obviously the dunes are important and need to be rebuilt, but, like, there's still all this to deal with, so maybe coverage about the celebrity dunes could wait? And now I've made it worse. Oh, well. Save the Dunes. [Page Six]