Katie Lafond spoke out about abuse by her boyfriend, Milwaukee rapper WebsterX. Now she wants other survivors, and abusers, to get help.
WebsterX had won another award, and Katie Lafond was furious.
The Milwaukee rapper was named humanitarian of the year at the Radio Milwaukee Music Awards in December, for co-founding the Black is Beautiful bike ride events, the latest in a series of accolades given to one of the city’s most accomplished and popular local musicians.
But Lafond knew something others did not. During the four years she had dated the rapper, she said he was physically and emotionally abusive. He had hit her, slammed her head on a sink and given her a bloody nose at different points in their relationship.
To see him called a humanitarian was too much. On Jan. 2, she shared a six-page post on social media describing her experiences.
Then, something she did not expect happened.
The 28-year-old WebsterX, real name Sam Ahmed, wrote a public response in which he said he was “holding myself fully accountable for physical abuse and manipulation.”
In many ways, Lafond’s experience had been similar to other survivors. She suffered emotional and physical abuse from someone she loved. She never reported the abuse to police. She struggled to break free from the relationship and then stayed silent for years.
But the response from Ahmed, who declined an interview request with the Journal Sentinel, gave her something few survivors receive: an abuser’s acknowledgment of the pain and trauma they inflicted.
“(Their exchanges on social media were) so powerful because it moves from this idea of abuser and survivor into healing and accountability,” said Terri Strodthoff, founder and executive director of the Alma Center, a 15-year-old Milwaukee agency that primarily works with men involved in the criminal justice system for domestic violence and related issues.
Lafond, 28, understands the privileges she had to safely speak out, as a white woman who was not married to her abuser, lived on her own, had independent financial stability and no children to worry about. Unlike some survivors, she did not face pressure from family to stay in the relationship. She knows the fraught history of accusing a Black man of assault.
But Lafond agreed to an interview with the Journal Sentinel because she wants to share her story to let other survivors know they are not alone and to empower them to tell their own stories. She also wants to use her experience to help remove the stigma surrounding domestic violence and to encourage abusers to take accountability for their actions and seek treatment.
“I wish people could see my inbox right now,” Lafond told the Journal Sentinel. “The sheer amount of people who have endured similar situations, who are currently in those similar situations, is unfathomable.”
“If this can help one person leave and seek help, but it can also help one person who is angry and has violent tendencies seek help to heal those parts of them, that's what matters to me.”
Abusive behind the scenes
Lafond starting dating Ahmed in 2014, and within a year, she started making music and playing shows with him, behind the stage name Siren.
They quickly found success collaborating on 2015 breakout hit “Doomsday” — an empowering, carpe-diem anthem urging listeners to celebrate the present, despite their hardships.
Entertainment Weekly praised the track, it won song of the year at the Radio Milwaukee Music Awards, and WebsterX became a leader in a golden age for Milwaukee hip-hop, with star rappers gaining more recognition on local stages and from fans and media outlets, even beyond the city.
Several milestones followed for WebsterX, including winning artist of the year at the Wisconsin Area Music Industry Awards in 2016; receiving a $20,000 grant through Radio Milwaukee and gener8tor’s former musician mentorship program Backline; participating in Justin Vernon’s For Wisconsin voting initiative campaign; and prime gigs at Milwaukee Bucks games, Summerfest and elsewhere.
Lafond was along for much of the ride, playing several of those high-profile gigs, building up her own fan base and booking her own shows.
“He would remind me that I was only doing cool things because of him, and, honestly, he was right,” Lafond wrote in her Jan. 2 post.
She recognized early in the relationship that Ahmed had a temper. Ultimately, there was physical violence, beginning on the surprise 21st birthday party he threw her, at Reservoir Park on Sept. 27, 2014.
A verbal argument escalated to the point that Lafond said Ahmed hit her, knocking her to the ground. He tearfully apologized later that night, and she stayed with him, but the abuse continued.
Lafond said Ahmed threw her head against a sink at a party in 2015 after she tried to get him to stop drinking. The following year, Ahmed grabbed her face during an argument while friends were staying at their place, Lafond said, squeezing it so hard her nose popped and bled for days. He also repeatedly grabbed her and bruised her throughout the relationship.
“I adored him. I almost worshiped the ground the man walked on,” Lafond said. “I genuinely thought he was making these terrible decisions but that wasn’t him. He just slipped off because he was drinking or because something was going on or I might have said the wrong thing. And I learned very quickly to shut up and to choose my words and to choose my battles.”
That’s a common reaction from people who are experiencing domestic violence, said Carmen Pitre, president and CEO of Sojourner Family Peace Center, a Milwaukee nonprofit devoted to prevention and intervention of domestic violence.
“We live in a victim-blaming society for sure,” Pitre said. “There is a lot of shame that goes into this issue. A lot of violence happens in private. A lot of survivors are told no one will believe them.”
“These circumstances are complicated because they involve love and hope. Who among us does not want to believe their partner will change?” Pitre said. “None of us know what we would do if we were living that experience.”
Even after Lafond said Ahmed stopped being physically abusive in 2016, he continued “verbally playing with my emotions … and going after every other girl in the city,” she said. In her post, she said Ahmed would call her “a demon,” “ugly,” “stupid” and “a bitch” when they were dating.
Ahmed broke up with Lafond in late 2018 or early 2019, to be with another woman, she told the Journal Sentinel. He still lived rent-free at Lafond’s place for months and would even ask her for relationship advice, she said.
For Lafond, the final straw came in late 2019. He had moved out by then, but Lafond said she woke up one morning at 5 a.m. and saw Ahmed standing in her living room.
“I remember looking at my phone and I had like 70 missed calls from him,” said Lafond. “He just, like, needed me to take care of his emotions.”
“I could not give him grace for how mad he made me in that scenario,” Lafond said. “I was so mad because somebody had invaded my space while I was sleeping, and I didn’t feel safe in my house even without him in it.”
“From that moment, it was like a switch flipped where I no longer had him on a pedestal.”
Finding the strength to speak up
Lafond spent the last two years processing her relationship with Ahmed, finding some different coping mechanisms through therapy. For much of that time, she never fathomed she would speak out like she did.
“I hadn’t spoken up for myself in so long,” Lafond said. “Seeing him recognized for so many things in the city … I couldn’t see a future where I felt comfortable telling my story or people even believing me.”
She found the strength to open up after confiding to her parents about the abuse for the first time in December, angered by WebsterX’s humanitarian of the year award. At her mother Kira’s advice, Lafond reached out to Sojourner for support. (Kira Lafond, publisher of the Milwaukee Business Journal, is vice president of the Sojourner board of directors.)
“(The advocates at Sojourner) were so kind and so validating,” Lafond said. “There were so many times where I’ve been like, ‘This doesn’t count or nobody cares.’ … I told a stranger, and they were like, ‘Yep, you were going through an abusive relationship.’ I needed somebody else to say that.”
“People in abusive relationships are forced to tell so many people so many lies and tell themselves so many lies,” she continued. “Just being honest with even just one person can lead you to the ability to just open up more in general.”
After speaking with advocates at Sojourner, Lafond made the decision to disclose Ahmed’s abuse on social media.
“I’ve been living in hell in my head for the past seven years because I’ve had to keep this all a secret to protect him and his reputation,” Lafond wrote. “But I don’t think me keeping it a secret is doing him or anyone else any good. … And I deserve peace.”
The post received nearly 5,000 likes on her Instagram page and was shared more than 100 times on Facebook, sparking widespread support for Lafond and condemnation of Ahmed.
Three days later, on Jan. 5, Ahmed wrote his own post verifying Lafond’s account.
“I’ve aspired to do inclusive and positive things as WebsterX and in my day-to-day life as Sam, but in the process of becoming the person I wanted to be, someone was still suffering due to my actions,” Ahmed wrote.
In his post, Ahmed said he would continue undergoing therapy which he began two years ago “to help grow and transform into a better version of myself,” and that he would return the Radio Milwaukee humanitarian of the year award.
In a statement shared with the Journal Sentinel, Radio Milwaukee said “there was no physical award given that could be returned, but we removed posts on our website and social media about it and thus took away any future recognition or benefits related to it.” The station has also removed WebsterX’s music from their playlists, they confirmed with the Journal Sentinel.
“We gave out an award to someone we would not have honored given what we know now,” the station said in a statement. “Domestic abuse, sexual assault or any type of violence is simply unacceptable. We support and stand with survivors and call on those victimizing others to stop and seek the help they need to end the cycle.”
'It’s not your fault. You’re not alone.'
For Lafond “to go public with her experiences was very courageous and extremely powerful,” Sojourner’s Pitre said. “It has the potential to open doors and make it safe for other survivors to come forward.”
In one of her Instagram stories after detailing Ahmed’s abuse, Lafond asked followers who had or are enduring similar situations to write “I’m here” in the comments. 248 people did.
“It’s so much easier to do these hard things with a village,” Lafond said. “So many of us have felt alone for so long enduring the same things. … We can stand up for each other.”
Some words that survivors need to hear, Pitre said: “It’s not your fault. You’re not alone. I’m here to help.”
“Survivors desperately need that message from friends, family, pastors, teachers, co-workers,” Pitre said. “As a society, we need to give that message.”
Lafond doesn’t just want to inspire survivors to seek help. She wants abusers to do the same and stressed that she does not want Ahmed to be “canceled” — a reference to the cultural phenomenon where artists accused of misconduct have been shunned and lose professional opportunities.
“If we chastise everybody that makes terrible mistakes, we just have a world full of chastised people instead of a world full of people that are able to change and grow,” Lafond said.
“It’s not admitting defeat or admitting that you’re a bad person,” she continued. “It’s admitting that you care enough to change who you are to take care of those around you.”
In Milwaukee, the Alma Center is one resource for seeking reform.
“The person who is perpetrating or engaging in destructive behavior is 100% responsible for that behavior,” Alma Center’s Strodthoff said. “In order to change the behavior, it is about resolving the trauma that is underneath. … It is our strongest core belief that all of us are born whole and loving and lovable and capable and enough.”
At Alma Center, the work begins with an “extensive intake interview process,” typically a two-hour conversation “that helps us to explore who you are and try to understand where you’re coming from,” Strodthoff said.
“I can’t tell you how many people at the conclusion say, ‘I’ve never had this kind of conversation, where someone is asking me the core question of what happened to me.’” Strodthoff said. “What we see for people moving through their own process of healing and change is that it’s more of a consciousness of, ‘I am responsible for myself.’ … That is the big shift to move from being a victim to being an active participant in your life … so that you are not walking around the world being triggered all the time.”
Lafond believes Ahmed has a lot of work to do but that he also possesses “the drive and...ability to be the best version of himself.” She is beginning a new chapter herself, recently relocating to Brighton, England, where her partner lives.
“There’s so much of me that was lost,” Lafond continued. After speaking out and getting support, “a lot of my personality is coming back. … I’m finally chatty again. … I’m feeling so much more like who I was.”
Editor's Note: Piet Levy co-hosts a weekly segment and podcast on Radio Milwaukee. Ashley Luthern of the Journal Sentinel staff contributed to this report.
How to get help
Contact Piet at (414) 223-5162 or plevy@journalsentinel.com. Follow him on Twitter at @pietlevy or Facebook at facebook.com/PietLevyMJS.
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This article originally appeared on Milwaukee Journal Sentinel: Rapper WebsterX abused Katie Lafond. She wants survivors to get help
