I keep widening my dating app preferences. Is that a bad idea?

I seldom come across someone who is enjoying online dating. People often find the experience challenging, discouraging or simply horrible. Many individuals begin to widen their preferences in an attempt to find a match.

But is this a good thing?

My answer: It depends.

If you’re a person who  has a long list of preferences such as, “tall, green eyes, speaks three languages, has a high paying job, athletic build, plays jazz, vacations in exotic places, loves their family and always takes your lead … widening those preferences might not be a bad idea.

There is nothing wrong with knowing what you want and envisioning your ideal partner, but don’t confuse a good match with finding a “perfect” person. Keep your expectations realistic. A list of this nature can actually distract us from paying attention to how we feel around the person, how they treat us, if we are truly compatible and if want the same future.

Hmm: Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin consciously uncoupled. How do you announce a break up?

Widening your preferences  may also lead you  to meet people you wouldn’t have otherwise. You may allow yourself to break patterns that have been holding you back by sticking to your “type.” Maybe you are trying to date someone like your ex-partner or a caretaker because that’s all you have ever known. If dating the same “type” of people hasn’t worked for you, trying something different could help.

Widening our preferences can also be an opportunity to learn more about ourselves. What biases and beliefs do you hold about relationships? It can be a great way to explore your stance on dating, commitment, romance, sex and people in general.

Noted: Trust your gut – literally – when it comes to relationships. Here's why.

A good way to go about widening your preferences is to write out a hierarchy of preferences. What is most important to you? Maybe it would be convenient if they lived 10 minutes away, but do they have to? Maybe them being older or younger than you is not what will ultimately matter, but instead the person’s emotional availability and maturity.

Here are some examples of needs (it may vary for each individual):

• Trust

• Autonomy

• Certainty

• Honesty

• Intimacy

• Connection

• Support

• Affection

• Respect

• Loyalty

• Quality time

Widening “preferences” is fine as long as it’s not a synonym for lower standards, ceasing to have any expectations, ignoring boundaries or dealbreakers. Look, it's OK if you're looking for someone who shares the same hobbies, but when looking for a partner we are asked to balance needs and preferences.

Mood: If you keep dating the wrong person, it's time to look at yourself.

Widening preferences is not about settling or accepting our needs going unmet. If your only criteria becomes "someone who will choose me back” you may find yourself with a different set of problems. So many of us have the propensity to seek those who will accept us, want us or love us that we forget to evaluate if they are who we truly want or we can truly accept.

So, before changing your preferences on your dating app consider your needs (aka non-negotiables); which criteria you can compromise on but are choosing not to; and which criteria you are willing to adjust to see if it will aid your dating experience.

Sara Kuburic is a therapist who specializes in identity, relationships and moral trauma. Every week she shares her advice with our readers. Find her on Instagram @millennial.therapist. She can be reached at SKuburic@gannett.com.

This article originally appeared on USA TODAY: Relationship advice: Should I keep widening my dating app preferences?