Kingston outing leads to sore feet but satisfied taste buds

Apr. 11—The thing about having two kids is that even if you're taking them on two-on-two, you're still outnumbered.

On a long enough solo mission, you can feel positively overwhelmed.

I thought about this during one of about a dozen trips to the men's room with my sons at the Merchant Tap House on the waterfront in Kingston, Ontario, last month.

The boys, John, 7, and Ben, 5, and I were spending the afternoon together roaming about downtown while my wife, Christina, had an appointment in town. And I think the kids were excited about the chance to roam about in a different city, just the three of us.

I don't get a lot of this kind of just us guys time with them during the school year. With John in second grade and Ben spending half the day in Pre-K and then me working nights on the Times' editing and design desk, day trips in foreign cities (hey, I know it's only Canada, but you have to sell it to them pretty thick to get them away from the Nintendo Switch) don't come up much during these months.

So we set about a long afternoon of rampaging through city playgrounds and meandering old, dusty book stores and getting into annoyingly long debates about whether a building was a church or a castle. (It was a damned church, boys.)

The boys were excited, after a long day of slides, monkey bars, questionable pubic toilets and Dad picking over worn copies of Kerouac for a chance to get out of the chilly late-March Canadian breeze and get some grub in their bellies. I was excited to rest my feet and sample a tall glass of something local. So we wandered back toward our hotel, near the waterfront, and into the Merchant.

I was excited to sit down in a pub for the first time in a bit. It's a charming place with plenty of wood, both real and fake, high pub chair tables and a wooden statue of a mermaid parked by a chalkboard full of weekly specials.

On most days, I'd just as soon sit outside. And Merchant has outdoor seating. But the whole reason I felt I could justify dragging the boys to a bar for lunch was to get out of the cold, not sit smack dab in the middle of it. So we trek inside and we're shown to a table far from much of the mid-week afternoon crowd and within shouting distance of the TV, which is playing a Yankees-Tigers spring training game. Not a bad start. And, don't worry. I did my homework. The Tap House also has a healthy roster of taps behind the bar and a good selection of Canadian brews to wander through during a lazy afternoon where I might otherwise have been working.

As the waitress brought the kids chicken fingers and french fries, I was already enjoying a long pull from Tiptoe IPA (6% ABV) from Fine Balance Brewing Company (Kingston). A bright, hazy New England style IPA, Tiptoe is double dry hopped with Galaxy and Sabro hops and it's a nice, tropical vibe that serves as a cure for those not-quite spring time no matter what the calendar says days this far north.

Notes of citrus and grapefruit, which is pretty standard for the genre, but what set it apart was that nice note of coconut that made it almost sweet in the finish.

The kids, meanwhile, very briefly gorged themselves on french fries before moving on to the more important things in life: the word search on the kids menu, asking me questions about the Yankees-Tigers spring training game that was playing on a nearby TV and explaining to my why the selection of Dr. Seuss and Eric Carle books they had me purchase "freakin' rule."

It was shaping up to be a pretty lazy little afternoon meal. I ordered a second beer and the boys asked for crayons for the word search.

Then Ben says he needs to go to the bathroom. OK. No problem. So we all march all the way around the corner and across the bar to the men's. I tell John he should go, too, while we're there. But he says he doesn't have to. Instead, he spends most of his time commenting on how the urinals are fashioned from beer kegs while I help Ben reach the entirely too high soap dispenser.

No problem. No sweat. I've got this parenting thing down after 7 years, and it's easy enough to shuffle the boys in and out of the restroom.

Back to our table we go. My beer is waiting for me. A tall, darkly amber glass of Granville Island Brewing Company's English Bay Pale Ale (5% ABV, 18 IBU).

This beauty from Vancouver-based Granville has a great, malty body and meets you with a nice hint of carmel on the nose. It's a nice, smooth ride that's not too bitter.

I take a long pull from the tall glass and crack open a book of my own, a jaunty non-fiction about the foibles of Libertarian politics and bear attacks, when I see John squirming and bouncing in his seat with a french fry dangling from his mouth.

"John," I ask. "What's up, man?"

"I have to go to the bathroom."

"Really?"

"Mmmmhmmm."

So off we go, around the corner and down the length of the building. Ben, somewhat inexplicably, again has a full bladder. So this time both boys go. Wash hands. Back to the table.

We repeat this no less than half a dozen times and maybe as many as a dozen. I lose count.

In the meantime, we have a spirited debate about the merits of the Pokemon Mr. Mime (Ben and I dig him; John doesn't) and begin to speculate about a hidden door just beyond the television. I tell the boys I'm sure it's a cooler, no question. John says it's a secret room, through which the staff are observing us.

This seems plausible, considering, well, us.

Ben, on the other hand, is certain that it's a portal to another world. Possibly one that contains Mr. Mime.

We stick around long enough for me to order another beer. This time, I opt for Steam Whistle Pilsner (5% ABV, 22 IBU) from Steam Whistle Brewing in Toronto. It's a nice reversal from the malty notes of the English Bay. It's a little bready, but it's crisp and light. But I didn't really get a chance to enjoy it.

The bathroom trips continue, and I swear it's like they've planned it. One kid has to go. We get up. We make sure we're not leaving anything valuable. We go around the corner, down the bar, etc. We make our way back and minutes later the other kid has to go. I make them both pee every time we go. It doesn't matter.

I start to wonder what they're putting in the water ... or maybe if I should just stop the waitress from refilling the glasses.

Finally, with the lovely Steam Whistle only half gone, I decide I can't take it anymore. I pay the check, and we get our stuff together. Books, coats, hats and all and head toward the door when it hits me.

I ask the waitress, "Hey, what's with that door over there? Is it a cooler?"

"It's another dimension, Dennis," says Ben, who has taken to calling me Dennis.

"It's just a staircase," she says. "There's another restaurant upstairs."

A boring answer. One John won't accept.

"You know, Dad," he says. "She could just be lying."

A few other recent brews to fill out a monthly six-pack.

1. Proper English Ale (Skeleton Park Brewery, Kingston). A good English bitter, Proper (4.5% ABV, 28 IBU) had a little sweetness in the finish that I liked.

2. Grand Cacao (Tröegs Independent Brewing, Hershey, Pa.). A chocolate stout brewed with milk sugar and cacao. It's strong at 6.5% and don't get in if you're looking for something sweet.

3. Bourbon Barrel Aged Towpath (Big Ditch, Buffalo). This is a heavy hitter, and it's my highest recommendation of the month. Those bourbon notes are just so smooth, though. Notes of chocolate, vanilla and, yeah, bourbon, this is a big, burly, bitter beer at 10% ABV and 55 IBUs. I wouldn't recommend going to hard on a sixer of these bad boys. But I wouldn't say it lasted in my fridge long. Best yet from my guys in western N.Y. Lovely.

Follow Dennis O'Brien on Instagram @beernerddennis.