Kinship adoption: How Farmingdale family navigated three-year legal roller coaster

In March 2019, Chale Ashley took in her 12-year-old nephew Ashton to live with her in Brick. Ashton’s mother, as Chale described it, was no longer able to properly care for him.

A few months later, Ashton approached his aunt with an idea.

“Hey, what if you adopted me?” Ashton recalls saying. “At first she was a little hesitant, but I talked to her about it and after a while she was like, ‘Yes, this is the right direction.’”

It took nearly three years to come to fruition. The adoption was finalized last month. The process was a legal and emotional roller coaster. At one point an anonymous do-gooder slipped $1,000 in an envelope under Chale’s door, to help her cover associated costs. It worked out in the end, but Chale and Ashton, who is now 15, would like to shed some light on the journey for those considering kinship guardianship or kinship adoption.

“I didn’t understand any of the law,” Chale said. “A big thing is finding the resources.”

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It took a village

According to Advocates for Children of New Jersey, a Newark-based nonprofit that helped author New Jersey law in this area, “kinship care — placing children with relatives rather than non-relative foster parents — is associated with significant benefits for children and youth, including improved mental and behavioral health.”

With that in mind, in July 2021 Gov. Phil Murphy signed legislation to prioritize the increasing of kinship placements for at-risk children by the state’s Department of Children and Families.

“Given the new law and the focus of the department on relatives, which is a very positive move forward, people need to learn more and ask more questions,” said Mary Coogan, an attorney who is vide president of Advocates for Children of New Jersey. “It can get a little tricky.”

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Chale Ashley experienced that firsthand. After filing for emergency temporary custody of her sister's son Ashton in the spring of 2019, which became temporary custody shortly thereafter, she was granted kinship guardianship in April 2021.

That gave her some rights without relinquishing the rights of Ashton’s birth mother.

But Ashton “really wanted the stability” of kinship adoption, Chale Ashley said. Partly because the pandemic slowed the legal machinery to a crawl, the entire process stretched over nearly three years. It took a village to navigate the thicket.

Help came from Toms River-based Children’s Mobile Response and Stabilization services, which provided short-term counseling. It came from the nonprofit Ocean Partnership for Children, which provided long-term counseling and was “a great resource for the family’s therapeutic needs throughout this whole process,” Chale Ashley said.

It came from The Village of Children and Families, a Point Pleasant Beach nonprofit that provided clothing. It came from the state-run Kinship Navigator program, which covered some expenses and issued a $500 grant toward bedding and other household needs.

The thing is, Chale Ashley had to find this stuff on her own. When it came to legal issues, like who had what rights, she found herself calling the family court’s clerk with questions.

“Sometimes we don’t spend enough time really talking with the kinship legal guardian and the parent about their new relationship and making sure people understand it,” Advocates for Children of New Jersey’s Coogan said. “The system does not always manage expectations appropriately, making sure that both the parents and caregivers understand what the other is expecting down the road. If we can get people to resources, smaller issues wouldn’t blow up.”

Acts of kindness helped, too. During a retreat with True Life Church, her congregation in Brick, Chale found an envelope with $1,000 under her door. It was the exact amount she needed to pay adoption-related fees.

“It was really amazing,” Ashley said. “I wasn’t even talking about it. We were really grateful.”

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‘Ask a lot of questions’

After five months of postponements, the adoption was granted May 18.

“It was very exciting,” Ashton said. “I was also nervous.”

He’s a sophomore at Ambassador Christian Academy in Wall, where Chale is a teacher. Before the hearing he wrote a letter to the judge.

“I was explaining how I wanted to go through with the adoption and how I would be better off with Chale,” Ashton said. “She’s very caring. She listens to my problems. She has a lot of restrictions, but it’s for the best.”

They live in Farmingdale, the two of them and a dog.

“I’m really proud of him,” Chale said of Ashton. “He’s handled all of this with a lot of grace. He wanted to do things different and better.”

The Ashleys have hard-earned advice for anyone exploring kinship guardianship or kinship adoption — or trying to navigate the process.

“Ask a lot of questions,” Chale said. “And don’t give up.”

For more information on kinship guardianship or kinship adoption, email Advocates for Children of New Jersey vice president Mary Coogan at mcoogan@acnj.org or visit the nonprofit’s website at www.acnj.org.

Jerry Carino is community columnist for the Asbury Park Press, focusing on the Jersey Shore’s interesting people, inspiring stories and pressing issues. Contact him at jcarino@gannettnj.com.

This article originally appeared on Asbury Park Press: Kinship adoption: Farmingdale NJ family's legal battle