Lady Gaga opens up about past pregnancy after sexual assault

Editor's note: This story deals with topics of sexual assault and self-harm that could be triggering or disturbing to some readers.

Oprah Winfrey and Prince Harry’s new docuseries for Apple TV+, “The Me You Can’t See,” premiering Friday, features several stories from both everyday people and celebrities on how they struggle with their mental health.

In one especially poignant scene from the first episode, pop star Lady Gaga opens up about being sexually assaulted at the age of 19. She said a music producer she was working with told her, “Take your clothes off.”

“I left and they told me they were going to burn all my music,” she recalled through tears. “And they didn’t stop asking me and I just froze and I just — I don’t even remember.”

She said she would not publicly name her abuser.

“I understand this #MeToo movement, I understand that some people feel really comfortable with this, and I do not,” she said. “I do not ever want to face that person again. This system is so abusive and so dangerous.”

Gaga added that years after she was assaulted, she went to the hospital for her chronic pain and was surprised when a psychiatrist was brought in.

“I said, ‘Why is there a psych here? I can’t feel my body,’” she recalled. “First I felt full on pain, then I went numb and then I was sick for weeks and weeks and weeks after. And I realized that it was the same pain that I felt when the person who raped me dropped me off pregnant on a corner at my parents’ house because I was vomiting and sick. Because I’d been being abused, I was locked away in a studio for months.”

“I’ve had so many MRIs and scans — they don’t find nothing. But your body remembers,” she added.

Related: The singer and actress spoke with Oprah Winfrey about a difficult period in which she was cutting herself and also offered advice to others with self-harm issues.

Gaga went on to say that the trauma of her experience led to “a total psychotic break.” In that time, she won an Oscar for the song "Shallow" in the 2018 film “A Star Is Born.”

“You can come back from things like that, but when it hits you really hard, it can change you,” she said.

“It’s a really very real thing to feel like there’s a black cloud that is following you wherever you go, telling you that you are worthless and should die,” she added. “I used to scream and throw myself against the wall.”

Related: The singer and actress is taking action.

The performer also spoke about her history with self-harm, saying she began cutting herself at a young age.

“I do believe those urges for me came from a place of, I need to show the hurt that's inside,” she said.

Later, she reflected on those urges and why her journey toward healing has been “a slow rise.”

"You know why it’s not good to self-harm? Because it makes you feel worse,” she said. “You think you’re going to feel better because you’re showing someone, 'Hey, look, I’m in pain,' (but) it doesn’t help. I always tell people, tell somebody, don’t show somebody.”

That sentiment echoes throughout the series as Winfrey, Harry and others open up about their mental health journeys.

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From NBA player DeMar DeRozan to Olympic-bound boxer Ginny Fuchs, who struggles with obsessive-compulsive disorder, the series shows multiple people push through their pain to find healing.

In an interview Friday on TODAY, Winfrey opened up to Hoda Kotb about her own journey, struggles and mindfulness as well as her bombshell interview in March with Harry and wife Meghan, Duchess of Sussex.

If you or someone you know needs mental health support, contact the National Alliance on Mental Illness Helpline at 1-800-950-NAMI (6264) or info@nami.org. If you or someone you know is at risk of suicide please call the U.S. National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-8255, text TALK to 741741 or go to SpeakingOfSuicide.com/resources for additional resources.

CORRECTION (May 21, 2021, 6:27 p.m.): An earlier version of this article misstated the year “A Star Is Born” was released. The film was released in 2018, not 2019.