Lankard: Getting older doesn't mean stopping, it just requires adjustments
February is a birthday month for my friend Gene and me. This year we turn 94 and 84 — 178 years combined, as Gene likes to say. How do we feel about that? Since Coco Chanel was heading up a design firm in Paris at age 85, Albert Schweitzer was running a hospital in Africa at age 89, and Grandma Moses was still painting at age 100, Gene and I see no need to let the number of candles on the cake determine what we do.
So as of today, we have no plans to quit going and doing. However, we make adjustments along the way. We benefit from more rest. We ask for help when needed. We honor our priorities. We say no when the calendar gets too full. We choose carefully where and how we spend our energy. We also know when it is time to get out of the house and get moving.
Standing on the brink of these big birthdays, we look back and realize the last few years have been rife with changes, changes, and more changes. We know more changes lie ahead, but we have learned we are capable of making any needed adjustments.
To keep it all in perspective, there have been men and women — some I know and some I’ve never met — who have helped me face the birthdays with a good attitude and a sense of humor.
Comedian Phyllis Diller made me laugh when she said, “If God had wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees.”
A reader named Marti McClure wrote “As I grow older, death is no longer an anomaly. It is as it is — a part of being born — and because I understand that, I simply turn my attention to this day.”
I treasure wise words from two of my close friends who both died this past year. From Tom Westbrook, “What is this wrinkles silliness? Thou shalt remember Chicken George in 'ROOTS:' 'We don’t love ya with our eyes, but with our hearts!'”
And from Patsy Hutchens, who wrote, “Just recently I woke up, lifted my arms, moved my knees, and turned my neck. Everything made the same noise: C-R-E-A-K! I came to a conclusion: I am not old, I am crispy!"
Gene and I — both now crispy — plan to keep having adventures. That may be watching the sunset at Lake Hefner, or in a few weeks, we will fly to New York City for a long weekend that will hold delicious dinners and Broadway shows to celebrate those 178 years. In our daily lives here at home, we will nurture friendships, and each of us, in our own way, will offer what we have to give in caring for our community.
We resonate with the words of Erma Bombeck, who wrote in her later years: "When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and I could say, 'I used everything You gave me.'”
Charlotte Lankard is a licensed marriage and family therapist in private practice. Contact her at clankard@cox.net.
This article originally appeared on Oklahoman: As Charlotte Lankard nears 84, she reflects that changes are required
