Lankard: We all need someone to hold us when we’re sad, celebrate good things with us
A passage from the movie “Shall We Dance” has stayed with me. When the wife, played by Susan Sarandon, was asked why she wanted to be married, her answer was, “We need a witness to our lives.”
She was saying their lives would not go unnoticed. Unmarried people — widowed, divorced or never married — need witnesses, too.
After my husband died in 1996, I discovered life to be different than what I’d expected. There was more sadness — the death of an adopted son and loss of close friends, but there were also new opportunities, breathtaking surprises and unexpected adventures.
Through it all, there have been those faithful friends — men and women who have been there as witnesses to my pain and my joy, who’ve cared about everything — the good, the bad, the terrible, the mundane … all of it.
All of us need friends who hold us close when we’re sad, remind us of forgiveness when we’ve made mistakes, and celebrate with us when good things come our way. Because adult children are busy with marriages, children, and careers, it is the wise adult who does not sit and wait for grown children to entertain them and to notice them. Some of the best witnesses to our lives will be the other adults with whom we spend time — sharing meals or movies, exchanging confidences, laughing, crying, or maybe even traveling.
Sometimes we even find a special person in our lives. When I was 71 years old, my granddaughter Jessica introduced me to one of her friends, “Grammy has a boyfriend!” She thought that was wonderful — and so did I! Now at age 84, Gene is still an everyday part of my life, and we have walked beside each other through many changes — illnesses, hospitalizations, our grandchildren becoming adults — launching careers, some getting married, and there are now great-grandchildren. There have been new friendships, as well as the deaths of older, close friends. Now we face together the challenges of aging in our 80’s and 90’s. We are a witness for one another.
There are 8 billion people on this planet. What does anyone life really mean? We need others in our life to tell us we matter. We need to do that for others.
Charlotte Lankard is a licensed marriage and family therapist in private practice. Contact her at clankard@cox.net.
This article originally appeared on Oklahoman: Lankard: We need others in our lives to tell us that we matter
