Learning the lessons of love and true forgiveness

Is it easier to love than to forgive? Think about this question for a few seconds. It seems like loving someone comes more naturally than forgiving someone who has wronged us, even if it’s the person we love. As Christians, we are called to forgive infinitely. When we are wronged, we are called to show compassion, mercy and love. Therefore we can’t truly love if we can’t forgive. Jesus demonstrated this by shedding His blood on the Cross.

I once heard a story about a priest who wanted to instill this theology in the hearts of his parishioners so he preached the same exact sermon on forgiveness for four consecutive weeks. After the third week, his parishioners began to question his purpose amongst themselves. To his parishioners’ shock, he again preached his now famous sermon on forgiveness for the fourth Sunday in a row. Finally, a group of people went up to him and asked, “Father, why are you preaching the same sermon Sunday after Sunday?” His answer was, “Because I want to move to my sermon on love, but I still see you struggling to forgive one another.”

In the parable of the unforgiving servant, we learn that God’s forgiveness is immeasurable and does not keep record of faults for those who repent. His only expectation is that we, too, forgive those who owe us or wrong us. He is willing to forgive everything. But we see that He also demonstrates His righteous judgment upon those who do not forgive the sins of others (Matthew Ch. 18).

In his book titled, A Forgiving God in an Unforgiving World, Ron Lee Davis retells the true story of a priest in the Philippines, a much-loved man of God, who carried the burden of a secret sin he had committed many years before. He had repented but still had no peace, no sense of God's forgiveness. In his parish was a woman who deeply loved God and who claimed to have visions in which she spoke with Jesus and He with her. The priest, however, was skeptical. To test her he said, "The next time you speak with Jesus, I want you to ask him what sin your priest committed while he was in seminary." The woman agreed. A few days later the priest asked:

"Well, did Jesus visit you in your dreams?"

"Yes, he did," she replied.

"And did you ask him what sin I committed in seminary?"

"Yes."

"Well, what did he say?"

"He said, 'I don't remember.'"

What God forgives, He forgets.

What is forgiveness?

I define forgiveness as the “process” of overcoming the anger and pain that consume my daily thoughts. To do so, one must reach a high level of humility where he or she recognizes his or her own brokenness. St. Isaac the Syrian has said, the person who has attained to knowledge of his own weakness, has reached the summit of humility. Therefore, I would add, forgiveness is seeing my own sins before the sins of others, and in doing so, I am able to calm the impulses of my thoughts and actions to ultimately reach true forgiveness.

Why is it so hard for us to forgive?

Our fallen human nature has taught us that those who do us harm should always suffer punishment. This misconception impacts our marriages, friendships, places of work and so forth. But Christ teaches a radical thing that flips our understanding upside down:

You have heard that it was said, "An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth." But I say to you, Do not resist one who is evil. But if any one strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also; and if any one would sue you and take your coat, let him have your cloak as well; and if any one forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles. Give to him who begs from you, and do not refuse him who would borrow from you. You have heard that it was said, "You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy." But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven; for he makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust (Matthew 5: 38-45).

Many holy people were persecuted and wronged by others and yet, they followed the commandment of Christ to love God and our enemies and as a result, they have received their just reward. You see, we can withhold forgiveness from someone but if we had true love within us, our hearts would burn at the thought of watching them suffer.

Isn’t that what God did for us? Out of His love for us, He couldn’t watch His creation suffer under the captivity of death and so He became one of us and saved us once and for all.

With that being said, forgiveness doesn’t always mean the full restoration of the relationship or full trust as it’s not always safe to fully reconcile the relationship. However, as Fr. George Morelli, a Clinical Psychologist and an author of many publications, beautifully stated: “Forgiveness does mean we make sure the offending individual, who has repented and shown sorrow for their sin or offense towards us is given physical, mental, and spiritual care. Even if some offender has not shown repentance and sorrow we are required to give them basic physical, spiritual and an even greater abundance of spiritual care.”

Let us remember, my beloved, that to love God is to love our neighbor. To love with all our heart, mind, soul and strength. To forgive everything and to share the beautiful gift of forgiveness with ourselves and with others.The Very Rev. Fr. Milad Selim is an Archpriest in the Antiochian Orthodox Church and the Dean of St. George Orthodox Cathedral in Worcester.

This article originally appeared on Telegram & Gazette: Keep the Faith: Love and true forgiveness