'What we leave behind': the impression left on others can be felt an entire lifetime | Opinion

Last week I received a message from a friend of mine about her father. With tenderness and love, she wrote to me remembering him as a man who could at one time command a room, a great enthusiast of athletics and culture. She went on to share that currently he is reaching the end of his life, bed ridden as a result of age and illness. She asked if I would stop by their home one afternoon for a visit and pray with them.

While much of my pastoral care experience has been outside of the realm of palliative care or hospice, I arrived at her home with a copy of the Book of Common Prayer, looking forward to meeting with the father my friend loves so dearly. She led me into a sunny room in the home where he now lives with them.

It was immediately evident to me that they shared a deep bond, and I’ll admit that I was jealous as I watched them easily recall afternoons riding horses, taking trips to the opera, and sharing travel. While our conversation vacillated between mundane and serious topics, the combination of respect and devotion that permeated the room was palpable.

As they talked, I couldn’t help but notice his proverbial fingerprints were everywhere on my dear friend and her family. Yes, the father-daughter pair share a physical resemblance, but it was a special joy to see what she has inherited that isn’t immediately recognizable- intelligence, curiosity, and kindness.

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Passing down character through sweet memories

What her father has done over the course of his life is leave an intangible inheritance behind in small, almost indiscernible doses- a moment here, a word there.

Over time, these seemingly insignificant investments have come to weave a tapestry of memories that is now being passed down from his children to his grandchildren. I was able to share with him how my daughter, a former student of his daughter, was a recipient of the love of literature that he shared with his family. Like all of us, he has had no way of knowing what his impact on the world would truly be, but the way in which he simply lived has touched people he’s not met.

When it comes to our sphere of influence, we can never be certain of what we pass on to others in our daily interactions and priorities. What we can be certain of is that we are impacting others every day. We often think that what we leave behind is most pivotal when we pass away, but in truth what we leave behind is happening right now as we live our lives, however mundane they may seem at times. Too many of us wait far too long to connect with others and invest in the moments that will be our gifts to future generations once we are long gone from this earth. My visit with my friend’s father was a reminder of that truth.

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Leaving a lasting impact everyday

Following a serious accident in 1989, theologian Henri Nouwen wrote, “I realize on a very deep level that dying is the most important act of living.” His near-death experience and awareness of his own mortality compelled him to reflect on what he was passing on to others in day-to-day interaction, noting he could “bind others with guilt or set them free with gratitude.”

Few of us living in relative normalcy can begin to comprehend the weight of death and the ultimate farewell to our lives on this earth.

What we can do, however, is commit to understanding that our time on this earth is finite and thereby know that the ways in which we interact with those around us matter a great deal. It is in our daily choices, whether minor or far-reaching, that we leave the greatest legacy.

Mary Cady Bolin is a writer and pastor based in Nashville. She writes about spiritual life, current events and family.

This article originally appeared on Nashville Tennessean: The choices we make in life leave the behind the greatest legacy