Lenawee Smiles: 'Senior moments' don't have to lead to rest home
It is a happy coincidence: I have friends who are my age or close enough to count. In this country, we are clumped under the title “senior citizens.” In Britain, those in our age bracket are called “pensioners.” Or, perhaps, “golden agers.”
We are just human beings who have had more experience than the rest of you.
Several of us were comparing what people younger than we are like to call “senior moments.” If this is not a condescending phrase, I don’t know what is. If a 30-something forgets a name, no one smirks and says, “Poor dear, she’s having a Millennial Moment.” If you are in your 70s and forget why you are in the kitchen, guard your closet lest someone start packing your clothes for a permanent stay at the “Sunset Rest Home.”
My friends and I were comparing notes about the trials of passing seven decades and slipping toward eight of them. One of them said she had been talking with her family and said, “Jenny’s birthday is Sept. 9, isn’t it.” Silence fell like icicles from the eaves. “No,” said Jenny’s mother, “her birthday is Aug. 29.” My friend wiped the rime frost off her glasses and carefully asked, “Whose birthday is Sept. 9?”
“Your first husband’s.” She had not seen nor spoken with him in decades.
I amused some women last week with this story. I was at Ikea in the closet department checking out its wares. I reached the end of the display and nearly bumped into a woman. “I am so sorry,” I apologized. Then I noticed we had on the same clothes.
Yes, there was a corner mirror set up, and I had greeted myself. You cannot imagine how fast I looked around to see if anyone had watched this one-woman performance.
My friends agree that we should come into this world with a repair manual. It would be so easy to have one with all of our organs, muscles, bones and fluids listed. Under each heading could be listed possible failures that could occur by accident or aging. Of course, under each of those would be a cure or how to repair these problems.
If something malfunctioned, you could simply call some human body shop and say, “Hey, Frank, I’m Model F-23B/x78-G+nn. Got a problem with A.2.I.63. I plan to handle this with G/6*3766-23. What do you think? Thanks. I’ll hold while you check with Harry.”
In addition, someone else thinks we should also come with replacement parts since, as we age, all kinds of things start to fall apart. It is not too far a stretch to imagine, if we had those, we would be able to handle putting in a replacement liver or spleen (what are those anyway?) rather than waiting three months for an opening at the hospital and coordinating five surgeons and a partridge in a pear tree for emotional support.
It made all of us wonder if, in some future world, humans would evolve to the point that they would be able to sprout new limbs if they needed them.
I suspect we have all, at one time or another, regretted not listening to the advice of someone. These errors are not confined to those over the age of 70.
A friend was having her kitchen floor resurfaced while she was at work. The contractor warned her that his men would be putting a layer of adhesive on the floor and that no one could walk on it.
“Don’t walk on that adhesive!,” one of the workers called out.
She said it was as if an evil demon took over. She stepped on it, slipped and fell. She couldn’t get up. The men were howling with laughter and at the same time trying to help her.
They told her she had to get the stuff off her skin because it was caustic and would burn her. She could not reach a bathroom so she went to the basement, washed in the laundry tub and wrapped herself in towels. She then went outside and around the house to the front door to get in, finished cleaning up, got dressed and went to work.
There is no reason to repeat any questionable language by anyone involved in this matter.
We are so touchingly human. We make mistakes no matter what age we are.
We will grab the wrong brand of milk at the store or bleach colored towels or call someone by the wrong name. Don’t let it bother you. Remember all the hundreds of times you don’t make mistakes.
Susan Keezer lives in Adrian. Send your good news to her at lenaweesmiles@gmail.com.
This article originally appeared on The Daily Telegram: Susan Keezer: 'Senior moments' don't have to lead to rest home
