Let Us All Partake in Hailey Bieber’s Unexpected, Mildly Deranged Halloween Tradition

If the rise—and continued reign—of the 12-foot skeleton lawn decoration proves anything, it’s that there’s always room for a weird new holiday tradition. In that spirit, I’m adopting a new Halloween ritual of my own this year, and I invite you to do the same. This October, I will be taking time to savor an important text that will heretofore be known as Hailey Bieber’s Halloween gospel.

Are you unfamiliar with this seminal work of literature that lives at the intersection of Christian Girl Autumn and what I refuse to earnestly call “spooky season”? It’s not a passage authored by Hailey herself—the model and Justin Bieber spouse simply screenshotted something that Nathan Finochio, a former pastor at the now-disgraced Hillsong Church, wrote in 2019. That year, she reposted it on Instagram and accented it with an enthusiastic “YASSS.” Nevertheless, because people initially thought Hailey wrote the post and because it is just that out there, it has come to be associated with her.

The text was initially prompted by some forgotten follower of Finochio’s who asked him for a quick opinion on Halloween—“Halloween yes or no”—to which he responded with an extremely not-quick answer about how he approaches the holiday: “I’m a Christian. Do you have any idea what that means historically?” it begins, presumably speaking to all the people out there who follow a pastor on Instagram but are unfamiliar with Christianity, our country’s dominant religion. It goes on:

The post, believe it or not, builds from there.

Prior to reading this post, I have to admit I had never encountered this particular definition of Christianity. I was aware that some people consider Halloween a “pagan holiday,” but I didn’t know there were Christians out there who were … proud? … of colonizing it? When Hailey originally shared this screenshot in 2019, it was after some of her followers had criticized her for her decision, as a Christian, to celebrate Halloween, so it’s actually supposed to be sort of tongue-in-cheek. Even so, it’s hard to know what level of self-awareness she had about posting it.

Hailey Bieber owns a skin care brand and was in the news earlier this year for being in a convoluted “feud” with her husband’s ex-girlfriend Selena Gomez, but my primary impression of her comes from a 2016 GQ profile of Justin, in which the journalist enters the pop star’s room to find her sitting on his bed: “She is doing nothing—no TV, no book, no phone, no computer, no music, no oil paints, nothing.” She is forever the girl who is doing nothing; I don’t really think of her as someone with a lot to say, even though her profile has increased in recent years. So this entire wall of text about Halloween and claiming all candy for the glory of God is a lot to take in. This is the kind of thing that makes Hailey Bieber say “Yasss”? Uh, OK!

If you’re wondering why we’re talking about this post now, it’s because it resurfaced on social media sites like X (formerly Twitter) and Reddit. It also resurfaced last year and, in all likelihood, will resurface again next year. It’s a new Halloween classic! I can imagine a future where people recite it at parties or do campy TikTok performances of it. Can’t you just see a girl saying “I’m not afraid of any devil or demon or incantation. They are terrified of me” as she slays her eye makeup? We might even consider it as a replacement for some of the dustier Halloween sayings out there. Who needs “Trick or treat!” when you can say “I’m alive today and a Saint tomorrow. Give me candy”?

All hail Hailey Bieber, the new patron saint of Halloween.