Let's be honest. Girl Scout Cookies are not good. But outselling other kids is worth it.
I got the message a few days ago. My niece, an amazing little girl, is selling Girl Scout Cookies. It’s her first time in the scouts and she’s excited.
That means my sister is excited. That means I’m excited. And it means I’m going to buy Girl Scout Cookies – a lot of them. I’m going to buy so many boxes of cookies that I could open a black market and sell these cookies in the off-season. But there is one problem.
We got our first wave of boxes this week and, honestly, most of the cookies aren’t good. Put another way, they’re horrible. They’re mid. They’re basic. They’re, to quote somebody in my house, without taste.
And yet, I will buy more. I will buy however many it takes to make sure my niece gets whatever prize she’s after. I will ask my friends to buy cookies. I will ask strangers and people on social media. I would even ask you good people except I know including a link to her page might not be great because randoms always ruin fun.
Wait, wait, I love the Girl Scouts. They're as historically relevant as it gets in our culture.
Now, a disclaimer. I'm not saying the flavors are bad. They're actually innovative and in some cases iconic. But the taste is not good. I honestly think people are tasting the nostalgia of their childhood or the moments they had with their kids, which is kind of awesome. These cookies are popular beyond belief.
They're so popular that a Kentucky company couldn't keep up with demand, creating a shortage.
Most popular Girl Scout Cookies: See which flavor reigns supreme near you
We're talking about a cookie-selling staple of Americana that goes back more than 100 years. It's a historic institution with an unmeasurable positive impact on our society and the girls who go on to be leaders.
I love this for my niece.
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Girl Scout Cookies are just not good. So why buy them?
While the cookies are better than the popcorn being peddled by the Boy Scouts, they're still not very good.
So why can I simultaneously dislike these cookies, except the Samoas flavor, and buy enough of them to survive the coming apocalypse? For the same reason we all do, every year.
Because while helping the children in our lives may be the best thing we ever do, beating the other families at selling these damn cookies is for sure the best thing we can do.
The NFL needs Swifties: Taylor Swift simply being at NFL playoff games has made the sport better. Deal with it.
God knows how many boxes I have purchased and choked down in my 48 years of life. Every time, though, I was comforted by the knowledge that I was helping a friend outsell another person. Then I proudly told every other scout standing outside a grocery store that I had “already purchased cookies.”
So, this year is my turn. I already asked friends, many of whom stepped up to help. I love that about them. My niece is so close to getting the prize she wants. But more important, she’s moving up the leaderboard and my tax return might come in just in time to send her over the top.
Because while I don’t like eating these dry cookies, I do have respect for the grand tradition of parading out the children in our lives to shame others into buying boxes in the hope that our kid sells more than yours. Happy Girl Scout Cookie season, everybody. Stay away from the Lemon-Ups, tbh.
Louie Villalobos is deputy opinion editor for USA TODAY. You can tag him on social media but he probably won't see it.
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This article originally appeared on USA TODAY: Girl Scout Cookies are not good. Why are we still buying them?
