Is It Your Lifelong Dream to Have Adam Scott Walk Your Dog? We Have Good News.

For the low, low price of anywhere between $500 and potentially several thousand dollars (plus shipping), you can buy your very own unique celebrity encounter, thanks to an auction being held by the Union Solidarity Coalition. The organization, which was created this year by Hollywood writers and directors, is currently hawking a hodgepodge of memorabilia and experiences on eBay in order to raise money for production crew members who are losing health care benefits due to the Writers Guild strike. Available items range from signed posters (boring) to Funko Pops (OK) to intimate Zoom calls and in-person quality time with your favorite actors, writers, and directors (where’s my checkbook?).

It’s that latter category that is most worth paying attention to, as its existence suggests the possibility of experiences like “Lee Pace will mow your lawn” or “Jessica Chastain will spot you $5 at the neighborhood coffee shop.” The auction runs through Sept. 22, with other items expected to be added throughout the week. But for now, here are the top 10 options that you should consider blowing your money on:

10. “The Cast of Bob’s Burgers Will Sing a Song Written Just for You”

The item description states: “The cast of Bob’s Burgers will sing a personalized and improvised song for you including Bob & Linda, Tina, Gene & Louise, Teddy & more.” A personalized song normally ranks among the worst gifts a regular person can give (come on, cheapskate, at least shell out for a gift card), but the people behind Bob’s Burgers clearly have musical talent, so chances are the song will actually be pretty OK.

9. “Zoom With the Cast of New Girl: Zooey, Lamorne, Hannah, Max, and Zoe”

Getting the chance to gab with four of the five stars of New Girl, plus Councilwoman Fawn Moscato, is the stuff of millennial and zoomer dreams. Just imagine everything you can ask them about: Why did Zooey Deschanel decide to marry a Property Brother? Can Max Greenfield pull out all his Schmidt-icisms for you? What, does Jake Johnson think he’s too good for this kind of thing now? You’ll have to be brief, though, as the Zoom will only last a mere 15 minutes.

8. “Fedora Owned and Signed by the Legendary Tom Waits”

The condition of this item is listed as “used, worn by Tom Waits.” It will even come with a letter of authenticity, lest you fret that the hat actually belonged to some inferior fedora-wearing celebrity, like Johnny Depp.

7. “Take a Pottery Class With Busy Philipps in New York City Experience for Two”

A ceramics class for two people (not including Busy Philipps) at a “delightful pottery studio in NYC”? I can only assume that would already cost more than $100 without the celebrity cameo, so even the current high bid of $2,500+ doesn’t sound bad.

6. “Lena Dunham Will Paint a Mural in Your Home”

Now this is actually a fantastic deal. The job is estimated to take up to five hours, and the current high bid is a little over $600, so that means you’re potentially getting the creator of HBO’s Girls—who is described as “an experienced muralist”—to paint an entire wall for just a little more than what any self-respecting professional artist would charge.

5. “The Bear Signed Apron Jeremy Allen White Ebon Moss-Bachrach Ayo Edebiri + More”

All right, now we’re talking. The Bear is the hottest show around—especially among A-listers—so you can imagine how many people want to get their Italian beef–greased mitts on this standard blue kitchen apron covered in some Sharpie scrawls. Is it going to sell for more than two grand by the time the auction closes? Yes, chef!

4. “Bob Odenkirk & David Cross Will Join You for Dinner”

This auction item name, paired with its accompanying photo of Bob Odenkirk and David Cross smiling enticingly at the camera, gives off the distinct vibe of a throuple-seeking couple making eyes at you from across the bar. I can’t promise that’s what this experience will entail (for one thing, it’s for you and a guest), but hopefully your $1,750+ will at least cover dinner at a ritzy restaurant.

3. “Natasha Lyonne Will Help You Solve the New York Times Sunday Crossword”

The description states: “A fifteen minute existential conversation with Natasha Lyonne and her dog Rootbeer while doing the Wednesday NYT crossword puzzle.” So is it the Wednesday crossword or the Sunday crossword? There’s a big difference! Regardless, this Zoom activity—which can include up to two friends, in addition to the auction winner—is sure to be a Wednesday/Sunday to remember, especially if you can coax Lyonne to say a nine-letter word for a notoriously unkillable pest.

2. “Watercolor Portrait of Your Dog by John Lithgow”

I had no idea that the highly decorated actor was also a talented canine portraitist, but the sample of his work included in the auction listing confirms it: Lithgow knows how to bring little Baxter to life. This is a keepsake you’ll be able to cherish forever, or at least until you accidentally spill a pitcher of water on it.

1. “Adam Scott Walks Your Dog for 1-HR (LA Based Doggies Only)”

It makes sense that the three best things up for auction are all somehow related to dogs—after all, they are man’s best friend, which makes shelling out a couple thou’ for the sake of them and the labor movement all the sweeter. The Severance actor—who looks great in a peacoat and with a pooch at his feet, by the way—will walk your L.A.-based pup for one hour. You can opt to go with or to sit this one out, and you know what that means: a whole extra hour of sleep in the morning!