Are you looking for sex or intimacy? There's a difference.

What comes to mind when you hear the word intimacy? Is it sex? For most people it is.

"Being intimate" has somehow become a polite way of talking about sex, and yet sex and intimacy are not synonyms. Simply, sex is a physical act, while intimacy can be physical, emotional, intellectual, spiritual or experiential.

Often when people feel the need for intimacy, they assume they will get it by having sex. But it’s not always that simple. Spoiler alert: Sometimes sex isn't intimate like you want it to be.

If you are craving emotional intimacy, for example, a purely sexual encounter can feel disappointing and unfulfilling. On the other hand, many activities feel incredibly intimate that have nothing to do with sex.

More: Is an open relationship right for you?

Help, I'm in a sexless marriage: 'I've thought about leaving a million times but I'm still here'

What is intimacy?

Elizabeth Earnshaw, a licensed marriage and family therapist described intimacy as “a special type of closeness you feel with another person.” Intimacy is something we can feel with many people – family, friends, romantic partners – and in a variety of contexts.

Have you been thinking about foreplay all wrong? Here's what you may be missing.

There are many different ways to be intimate

Physical intimacy. This type of intimacy is about touch and physical closeness to another person. Activities such as cuddling, hugging, kissing, dancing and holding hands can all build physical intimacy. Physical intimacy can be sexual, but it doesn't have to be.

Emotional intimacy. Emotional intimacy is about sharing thoughts and feelings in an open, honest, transparent and vulnerable way. It's about sharing who we are with someone else. This can be done by telling them our honest thoughts about things we think we need or sharing our happiest childhood memory (and everything in between).

Intellectual intimacy. Sharing our beliefs, perspectives and worldviews is a form of intellectual intimacy. Feeling safe enough to share your values and philosophies of life is a unique form of closeness. This can look like not being too scared to disclose your honest opinion about a movie or a book, or being able to talk about who the best candidate is (in your opinion) for the upcoming election with respect, curiosity and openness towards their point of view.

Spiritual intimacy. This type of intimacy doesn't have to be centered around religion, but it can be. Spiritual intimacy is about sharing and aligning with ethics, morals and values. Although this can look like attending a service at your place of worship together, it can also look like watching the sunrise or sharing mediation practices.

Experiential intimacy. You build experiential intimacy through common interests and activities, such as going on hikes, being in a book club or going on a trip together.

More: 4 tips for keeping things fun, sexy in your long-term relationship

Yes, sex can be intimate

Sexual intimacy comes from combining a sex act with closeness, trust, safety and meaning. Often sexual intimacy is linked with emotional intimacy.

Some will argue that consensual sex inherently holds some degree of intimacy because of the vulnerability that comes from being touched, naked with or exposed to another person. Others claim they can just go through the motions of sex without being present enough to build any sort of real closeness or connection to the other person.

Ask yourself: What do you believe about sex?

What type of intimacy are you really looking for?

What do you need? Who do you need it from? We don't need to always seek intimacy from our partners. Many people who are single don't realize they can have many forms of intimacy from non-romantic or non-sexual interactions.

It's important to remember that for intimacy to develop, there has to be a healthy degree of trust, acceptance, honesty and communication. It's about your willingness to show people who you are and allow yourself to get close to them.

This process demands vulnerability and a degree of risk that many are, unfortunately, unwilling to take.

Making the first move can be scary. How to get over my fear and shoot my shot?

Do I need to label my relationship? Are we dating or just friends with benefits?

Sara Kuburic is a therapist who specializes in identity, relationships and moral trauma. Every week she shares her advice with our readers. Find her on Instagram @millennial.therapist. She can be reached at SKuburic@gannett.com.

This article originally appeared on USA TODAY: Sex is not the same as intimacy, relationship expert explains