The Loop NFL Picks: Week 17
Every Sunday, Kevin Cusick makes his predictions against the latest Las Vegas point spread, the way God intended …
Vikings at Packers (-2½):
Greg Joseph shattered the team record with a 61-yard field goal on the final play to give the Vikings their second consecutive improbable walk-off victory to end December. Minnesota fans should not celebrate too wildly, though, because Vikings kickers usually wait until January to destroy their dreams and quash their will to live. Pick: Packers by 3
Dolphins at Patriots (-2½):
Miami’s Tua Tagovailoa is sidelined again after suffering a concussion in the first half of the Dolphins’ Christmas Day loss to Green Bay. Before returning to play, the quarterback must pass the concussion protocols as well as the “you threw three fourth-quarter interceptions” protocols. Pick: Patriots by 7
Jaguars at Texans (+3½):
Houston all-pro LaremyTunsil says he wants to “reset” the market and become the NFL’s highest-paid offensive tackle. The only certainty, if Tunsil gets a huge payday, is that he’ll spend most of that money on bigger, better gas-mask bongs. Pick: Jaguars by 7
49ers at Raiders (+5½):
Las Vegas on Christmas Eve lost the 50th anniversary game marking Pittsburgh’s Immaculate Reception by the late Franco Harris. In an homage to that historical event, Raiders fans are already referring to Derek Carr’s upcoming offseason as the Inevitable Subtraction. Pick: 49ers by 11
Broncos at Chiefs (-13½):
Denver QB Russell Wilson was terrible again in their blowout Christmas loss to the Rams that cost coach Nathaniel Hackett his job. The former star, whose ability to cook has been called into question, is on pace to shatter the NFL’s single-season record for embarrassment, set by Joe Namath with the Rams in 1976. Pick: Chiefs by 17
Cardinals at Falcons (-3½):
Three-time NFL Defensive Player of the Year J.J. Watt announced that he is retiring at the end of his final season in Arizona. Also ending his NFL career after the next two games: Cardinals coach Kliff Kingsbury. Pick: Falcons by 6
Panthers at Buccaneers (-3½):
Colorful tight end Rob Gronkowski was in contact with Tampa Bay officials earlier this season about possibly coming out of retirement again to play for the Buccaneers. But Gronk determined he wouldn’t be able to work with a quarterback as obviously over the hill as Tom Brady. Pick: Panthers by 3
Jets at Seahawks (+2½):
New York QB MIke White has been cleared to return from his rib injury and gets the start over Zach Wilson. In the competition to be the Jets’ quarterback of the future, Wilson now obviously trails White, every QB in the upcoming draft and every other sentient being in the metropolitan area. Pick: Seahawks by 7
Bills at Bengals (pick ‘em):
The Bengals accused New England quarterback Mac Jones of a dirty hit when he dove at the legs of Cincinnati’s Eli Apple. Despite the Cincy uproar, it will likely be some random dude from another team who gets payback by destroying Jones’ knee sometime next year. Pick: Bengals by 3
Browns at Commanders (-2½):
Carson Wentz is returning as the Commanders’ starting quarterback after the benching of Taylor Heinicke. Reaction to the switch was mostly muted among Washington fans, who would be infinitely more excited if their owner were replaced. Pick: Commanders by 7
Bears at Lions (-5½):
Once-streaking Detroit gave up 320 rushing yards, 240 in just the first half, in a loss to Carolina that damaged the Lions’ playoff hopes. The shellacking was quite surprising until you remember that, after all, we’re talking about the freaking Detroit Lions here. Pick: Lions by 7
Other games
Rams at Chargers (-6½):
Pick: Chargers by 3
Steelers at Ravens (-3½):
Pick: Ravens by 7
Colts at Giants (-3½):
Pick: Giants by 10
Saints at Eagles (-6½):
Pick: Eagles by 8
Record
Week 16: 11-5 straight up; 8-8 vs. spread
Season: 150-87-3 straight up (.633); 109-131 vs. spread (.454)
You can hear Kevin Cusick on Wednesdays on Bob Sansevere’s “BS Show” podcast on iTunes. You can follow Kevin on Twitter — @theloopnow. He can be reached at kcusick@pioneerpress.com.
