After losing her son in Iraq & husband to cancer, this Biloxi resident writes to help others

Turning pain into purpose, Biloxi resident Deborah Tainsh channels her own experiences through her writing to assist others, especially military families who have lost a loved one.

Deborah met David Tainsh in their home state of Georgia in 1983. She had a son from a previous marriage named Phillip and he had a son named Patrick. David, an active-duty Marine, had served in Vietnam with the 9th Marine Regiment.

They married that year and moved to Oceanside, California, where David was stationed. David later served in the Gulf War before retiring from the Marines as a Sergeant Major in 1994 after 28 years of service.

However, Patrick found himself struggling to adapt to his new family. While he loved skateboarding and surfing, he constantly got himself into trouble and butted-heads with Deborah.

“He had hit every brick wall,” said Deborah.

To everyone’s surprise, Patrick announced his intention to join the U.S. Army at 28 years old to turn his life around. After completing Basic Training at Fort Knox, Kentucky, in 2000, he became a Cavalry Scout and was assigned to E Troop, 2nd Squadron, 2nd Cavalry Regiment at Fort Polk, Louisiana.

An American hero

On April 1, 2003, Sgt. Patrick Tainsh was deployed to Sadr City, Iraq, just days after the initial invasion. Over the following 10 months, he earned a formidable reputation as he manned the machine gun atop his commander’s vehicle.

On Feb. 11, 2004, Patrick’s convoy was struck by a roadside bomb, resulting in the death of Private First Class William C. Ramirez. As insurgents fired on his truck, Patrick turned his gun toward them to return fire and expended all of his ammunition, but sustained a mortal wound to the throat in the process.

“He kept doing his job,” said Deborah. “When everything settled down, Patrick slipped from the turret into his CO’s arms and said ‘Sir, I’ve been hit.’”

Despite efforts to save him, Patrick passed away in the truck, just a month before his scheduled return home. For sacrificing his life, Patrick was posthumously awarded the Purple Heart, Bronze Star, and the prestigious Silver Star — becoming the first Cavalry Scout to receive this recognition in the Iraq War.

When two uniformed Army officers approached their Oceanside home, David and Deborah sensed the weight of the impending news. The following year after Patrick’s death was laden with hardship, grief, and disbelief.

According to Deborah, “You’re just trying to justify that your kid died for a reason.”

Gold Star Family

One day, David and Deborah received an envelope in the mail containing Patrick’s green briefing book from Iraq, with several missing pages, likely from letters he had written home. After flipping through the mostly empty pages and seeing nothing important, Deborah tucked it away in a trunk for a while.

“Then, it was as though someone touched my shoulders,” said Deborah. “I had no thought in my mind at that moment, except get out of that chair, go down the hallway, go in that trunk and pull out that envelope and that book.”

Upon reopening the book, Deborah discovered a letter that Patrick had written to his family in the event of his death.

“I’m writing this letter because something went wrong,” said Patrick’s letter.

In it, he passionately expressed his pride in wearing an American flag on his shoulder, his dedication to helping the Iraqi people, and his profound love and pride in being a Cav Scout.

He then said “I just also want you to know that I’ve always loved you and appreciate the things you’ve done or tried to do for me.”

That passage became a source of healing for David and Deborah, offering reassurance that the military had provided Patrick with the family and friends he cherished right up to his death. Shortly afterward, Patrick’s words gained broader recognition, appearing in Newsweek Magazine and being read aloud on CBS.

At the urging of one of Patrick’s former comrades, a Colonel who had also known Patrick oversaw the renaming of one of the barracks that trains new Cav Scouts on Fort Benning to “Tainsh Barracks.” During the dedication ceremony in 2012, Deborah fondly recalled Patrick’s love for history, remarking, “he is up there somewhere smoking a cigar with Patton.”

Deborah later donated a framed gold-star flag, as well as Patrick’s stetson, gold spurs, and medals to the 2nd Cavalry Regiment Museum in Germany to preserve his legacy.

Later, Deborah and David established the non-profit “Hearts for Military Heroes,” offering gold-star families and those who had lost military loved ones a vacation in Panama City.

Tragically, David was diagnosed with brain cancer due to his exposure to Agent Orange during the Vietnam War. He passed away on Dec. 23, 2014, and his memorial was erected next to Patrick’s on Fort Benning on Feb. 11, 2015 — precisely 11 years after Patrick’s death. The memorial service drew attendance from several of Patrick’s former comrades.

Deborah relocated from Panama City a few years later, before finally settling in Biloxi last December.

Writing to heal

Deborah previously pursued creative writing during her college years and contributed several stories to local papers at the height of the war. Following Patrick’s death, she turned to her writing as a means of healing and coping with the profound grief of her loss.

“For me, it is something I did for my own family issues, or for memories,” said Deborah. “That’s the biggest fear a parent has, is forgetting something or others forgetting when we lose a child.”

She authored her debut book, “Heart of a Hawk,” to detail Patrick’s story and the grief she and David experienced in the aftermath of his death. Deborah deliberately chose to write the book in the third person, to distance herself and connect with others who shared similar experiences.

“It was important to show my husband, look what Patrick did,” said Deborah. “He couldn’t have done anything more honorable.”

Patrick’s final letter to his parents became the conclusion to the book.

Her subsequent book, “Surviving the Folded Flag,” drew inspiration from her involvement with the non-profit organization “Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors,” where she engaged with dozens of gold-star family members and individuals who had lost loved ones. Comprising 25 stories, the book features narratives, including one from the mother of Navy SEAL Danny Dietz from “Lone Survivor.”

Both books are available through Elva Resa Publishing or militaryfamilybooks.com.

Additionally, she authored “Love’s Return,” a fictional love story loosely inspired by Patrick’s medic who attempted to save his life after the ambush. Deborah also wrote a children’s book and various short stories.

Deborah has begun writing for the renowned publication Chicken Soup for the Soul. Her most recent story, “Two Merry Christmas Widows,” was featured in the 2023 Chicken Soup for the Soul publication titled “It’s Time for Christmas 101 Tales of Holiday Joy, Love & Gratitude,” released on November 1.

The book is available for purchase on Amazon, at Barnes & Noble, and other locations. A portion of the proceeds from each book sold will be donated to Toys for Tots this Christmas.

When asked why she continues writing, Deborah said “less than 1 percent of our nation serves in the military, so somebody needs to give voice to them.”

Looking ahead, Deborah has plans for future publications. In her free time, she dedicates herself to volunteering for the USO Gulf Coast. Actively involved in the Biloxi book club, Deborah aspires to facilitate a creative writing workshop, aiming to guide aspiring authors in putting pen to paper, much like her own journey.

Deborah is available for speaking engagements and encourages anyone who wishes to hear her story or work with her for creative writing to reach out to her. Her email is deborahtainsh@msn.com.