Louise Carroll: Halloween a good time to avoid men in tuxedos and capes
Halloween is just not my favorite holiday. I don't get excited because I'm not going to dress up as a ballerina and go out with a big bag to collect candy. Although, now that I think about it, that might be a great way to get candy.
I particularly like chocolate so if an old, clumsy ballerina rings your doorbell remember to give her chocolate. I would like to get my share of the 600 million pounds of candy Americans buy for Halloween, and that includes 90 million pounds of chocolate during Halloween week.
Even though I am tempted by chocolate, I won't be getting any as I will be doing Halloween from a distance. I will not go out for trick or treat. I promise.
I will leave that to the Disney characters, the little ghosts and goblins, the fairy princesses and all the Star Wars characters. It was simpler when my sons were dressing for Halloween. We had a box with old shirts, sheets, and things like a pirate hat and a cowboy hat and they just put it all together. Magically a pirate appeared in a white shirt, black pants, a pirate hat and an eye patch or a ghostly figures draped in a sheet, and off they went to terrify and mystify the neighborhood.
I do have a favorite spooky figure. To me, Count Dracula is the very essence of Halloween. I have considered Frankenstein, but he's not exactly normal looking and he is very awkward, his clothes are atrocious and he is not articulate. There's not much to like, but he is a pitiful, tragic character; he doesn’t symbolize Halloween for me.
Count Dracula is my unanimous pick for a number of reasons. First, he doesn't go around with a mask and a chainsaw or lurch about in rags like a mummy or look like an unkempt furry werewolf. These creatures are just scary with no redeeming qualities.
On the other hand, Count Dracula, dressed in a tuxedo and cape, with every hair in place is the epitome of royal decorum. He doesn't growl or moan or carry a knife or an axe; he is Count Dracula from Transylvania, a person of great wealth. He dresses for the part with a tuxedo and cape as he should as Count Dracula from Transylvania. With his good manners and charm, he is right at home at banquets and fancy balls.
Dracula has good manners and charm. In the movies, women seem drawn to him, but maybe it's not just his charm and good manners but the fact that he is rich and royal. How many of your friends own a castle?
Dracula has a sense of style. You have to feel sorry for Dracula because there he is in his tuxedo looking very debonair and he can't even check it out in the mirror. Remember he doesn't have a reflection in the mirror so he can't even admire his regal bearing or check to see if his tie is straight.
On the scary side, Dracula is able to turn others into vampires by biting them and infecting them with the vampire disease and that is an incurable disease. Be warned. It is not an airborne infection; he has to bite you so don't get too close to guys in tuxedos and capes. Since he prefers biting women on the neck it might be a good idea to wear a metal-lined scarf. You might find one on Amazon.
When Dracula moved from Transylvania to England, he brought 50 boxes of Transylvanian soil that he needs to lie on to regain his strength during the daylight hours. I'm assuming these boxes were coffins, which surely raised some eyebrows, but it was probably believed to be a quirk of the rich and quirky.
The Count probably has a Facebook page, and I'm sure he is on online dating sites. If you are looking to meet a rich, royal man be careful of these things in his profile; likes tea and scones (remember he lived in England), he sleeps all day, avoids sunlight and mirrors, likes his steak very rare and his favorite color is blood red. He probably posts a picture of a handsome man in his early 40s with a genuine smile and a twinkle in his eye. I'm sure it won't look like Bela Lugosi who portrayed him so wonderfully in the 1931 movie.
On Halloween, there will be a number of Draculas of all sizes so you could meet one. It would be best to keep an arm's length away because you can't be sure.
I've warned you and that's all I can do. Happy Halloween and stay safe.
This article originally appeared on Ellwood City Ledger: Carroll: Halloween a good time to avoid men in tuxedos and capes
