Luncheon speakers aim for awareness by sharing painful discrimination experiences

A local leader shared two adages to help explain why some members of his Asian community are often hesitant to speak out.

"The proverb in America is 'the squeaky wheel gets the most grease,' right — let's lift our voices and make a ruckus about something," Mike Hoang said at a recent Oklahoma City gathering.

"In Asia, one of the proverbs is 'the nail that sticks out gets hammered down.' And so what does that mean? Whenever there's some sort of issue with the police, you're probably gonna not say anything. Where you're getting bullied, are you gonna tell your teachers, are you gonna tell your parents? You're probably going to not say anything."

That reticence to speak up was overcome in many ways during a recent Breaking Bread luncheon that highlighted the people and stories of the Asian community. Hoang, president of the Asian District Cultural Association, made his candid remarks at the Aug. 25 luncheon in the Monsignor Connor Center at Our Lady's Cathedral, 3214 N Lake Ave.

The free event was sponsored by the OK Justice Circle, a group made up of faith and community leaders who are working to raise awareness in the faith community about criminal justice reform, challenges to the Oklahoma County jail and related issues like race and bias and the need for more community dialogue.

More: Popular Interfaith Youth Tour is returning to Oklahoma City, Norman

The Breaking Bread initiative began in March 2020 as a way to offer individuals opportunities for honest and open community dialogue over a meal. The recent event at Our Lady's Cathedral was the group's first Breaking Bread lunch because most of the events have been breakfasts. The recent gathering brought the community-at-large together for the second time this summer to learn more about Oklahomans of Asian heritage because it was preceded by Stronger Together OKC's Peace Walk on Aug. 6, which also highlighted the Asian community. The recent lunch was sponsored by the Arnall Family Foundation, Oklahoma City Thunder, Inasmuch Foundation, OKC Good, Red Rock Behavioral Health Services and Variety Care.

Panelists for the luncheon included Rep. Andy Fugate, Samantha Vu, Cindy Nguyen, Oklahoma County District Court Judge Natalie Mai and Rep. Cyndi Munson.

Before they spoke, Hoang told lunch attendees that it was important to remember that the Asian community is not monolithic.

"There are people who came as refugees. There are people who were born here like me — I'm second generation," he said. "Everyone has a unique experience and my experience is going to be a little bit different from the first generation."

The panelists proved his point because they each had a different perspective and background.

Fugate, D-Del City, said as a child, he and his mother were discriminated against because of their Japanese heritage.

'A servant's heart': Family, friends, law enforcement community bid farewell to slain deputy

"I can talk a little bit about being a child and the realities of watching my mother mocked as she's shopping in a grocery store or being asked to leave a church because she had the audacity to pray in Japanese and was told by them 'We don't do that here' ... and seeing classmates at school who adopted Asian language characteristics when they came to talk to me as though they were my mother," he said.

Munson, D-Oklahoma City, was the first Asian-American woman elected to the Oklahoma Legislature. She described herself as Korean-American, saying her mother was Korean and her father was white. She said she grew up in Lawton, a military town that had an international community, yet she was in kindergarten when someone called her a racial slur — marking the first time she had ever heard that racial slur.

Once she understood the racist remark, she told her parents she didn't want to be Asian anymore.

"And my dad is like, 'Well, you are — your mother's from Korea,'" Munson said. "My mother, though, was like, 'You are American, you are American, you are American, you are American.' And she pounded it into our heads, because in her mind, America's the greatest country — that's why she came here."

Vu said she is Vietnamese American and grew up constantly being questioned about her height because, at 5'8, she defied the assumption that all Asians are relatively short in stature. She said she didn't like this questioning growing up but feels differently now.

"I am grateful now and I embrace the height that my parents gave me," she said.

Vu grew emotional as she described once being attacked verbally and physically when she was a student at a local high school. She said the experience of being singled out and harmed because of her race led her to caution her own children growing up in a small Oklahoma City suburb to "just be careful of what you say. Be careful how you act," because they might be targets of discrimination.

"Those are the conversations I have with my children in the morning. And it shouldn't be like that," Vu said. "It's tough. I ask myself, 'What are the other parents teaching their kids? Am I the only one doing this?'"

Mai, an Oklahoma County District Court judge, recalled how her mother was alarmed when she learned that her daughter would be running for a county government post, an action that ran counter to the older woman's traditional idea that Asian women were not to call attention to themselves

"She feared for my safety," Mai said.

Mai said when she was campaigning, she saw a woman showing pictures of her opponent alongside a picture of Mai. The woman was telling people to vote for Mai's opponent because that individual was "American."

The judge said the encounter was "eye opening" to her because such bigotry "was still going on," showing that people still felt that way.

"But it just emphasizes how important these conversations are and how important it is for us to learn each other and seek different perspectives," Mai said.

A focus on listening

Wayland Cubit, Oklahoma City Schools' security director and a member of the OK Justice Circle, served as the luncheon's host. He encouraged attendees to get to know the people at their table where they would have time to listen to each other respond to questions in a small-group format.

More: State execution prompts groups to paint cross red, like 'blood that's on all of our hands'

"We want to make sure that you gather around tables with people you have not fully met yet or want to know more about," he said. "We want you to lean in and listen to those conversations, listen to what people share about one another, be a little bit vulnerable and share a little bit about yourself.

He encouraged guests to leave the event with at least one new friend and "you should also leave here a little inspired and a little bit hopeful."

"When we get to know one another, we get to share perspectives. We began to be more hopeful about the future of Oklahoma City, and reforming the criminal justice system."

Meanwhile, the Rev. Jon Middendorf, another member of the OK Justice Circle, said he was pleased with the turnout and the overall presentation of the luncheon.

"I've heard a critique so far that we have strayed away from our original purpose, which was to shine the light on the need for better policing, the need for safer communities," Middendorf said. "But I responded, 'Actually,when you have a community that feels invisible or overlooked, that is a security issue, right?'"

Middendorf, senior pastor of Oklahoma City First Church of the Nazarene, said the events have given people from different communities in the city the chance to share their personal stories with members of the community-at-large. He said other OK Justice Circle/Breaking Bread events will likely explore specific issues but a key part of getting to that point is learning about each other's personal journeys.

"So, to have these folks come and tell us where it is that they ache, and to tell us how it is that they have undergone some of the same scrutiny that we hear about other people going through — it's something they don't talk about very much."

A model to follow

The luncheon, like many of the previous Breaking Bread events, was attended by numerous local law enforcement officers, many of them from the Midwest City Police Department.

That was on purpose.

Midwest City Police Chief Sid Porter said he attended a Breaking Bread breakfast in the spring at The Bryant Center in northeast Oklahoma City and came away impressed by it.

"I had never experienced that," he said.

The law enforcement leader said he began to communicate with the people who were at his table and became friends with them. That's when he realized that he wanted to do something similar in Midwest City and he reached out to some members of the OK Justice Circle to help plan it. In May, a lunch following the Breaking Bread format was held, with Midwest City Police officers and recruits joining people from their community to get to know one another in small-group settings at their tables.

"And we did this — opening, sharing, learning," Porter said.

"We're all brothers and sisters. I mean, we're all here together. So we've got to learn to get along, respect one another."

This article originally appeared on Oklahoman: Breaking Bread luncheon highlights experiences of OKC Asian community