I’m Ready to Go to Court Over a Dog Attack. But No One Is on My Side.

Pay Dirt is Slate’s money advice column. Have a question? Send it to Athena and Elizabeth here. (It’s anonymous!)

Dear Pay Dirt,

Three weeks ago, my husband and I were grilling at my sister and brother-in-law’s house. We brought our dog, Lulu, who stayed by my side. Their next-door neighbor opened their back door, apparently without looking, and let their pit bull out into their backyard. It made a beeline for Lulu and mauled her. She almost died, but the emergency vet was able to save her with multiple blood transfusions and surgeries. The bill was over $4,000. It could be more depending on how her wounds heal. The neighbor did provide his cell number and rabies shot documentation, but he stopped responding to my texts and calls when I told him what the vet bill was and asked him about payment for it. He hasn’t responded in over two weeks, and my last attempt to contact him was a week ago. I’m ready to take him to small claims court.

I told my sister, and she and my BIL have been begging me to drop it. Their neighbor is already glaring at them every time he sees them, and they fear an escalation. They are offering to pay Lulu’s vet bills. The money is only half of it, though—I want to hold this scumbag responsible for what he did. Every time I look at my poor girl, I’m angry and horrified at the thought of this happening to another dog or even a child. Animal control only gave a warning as this was the dog’s first documented bite, but having to pay up could be a deterrent for his owner. My husband initially was with me on going to court, but now he’s reconsidering. He thinks that we should probably defer to my sister and BIL’s wishes on this since they’re the ones stuck living next to this guy indefinitely. What’s the right thing to do here?

—Unsure

Dear Unsure,

I’m siding with your husband for a couple of reasons: Your sister and brother-in-law have to live with the neighbor long-term, and you do not. Your need for revenge does not outweigh their need to live peacefully in their own neighborhood, and it doesn’t sound like they have a problem with the neighbor.

Secondly, I’m very sorry about Lulu, but it is not a moral or literal crime to accidentally let your dog into your own backyard. It does not make the neighbor a scumbag; it was obviously an accident. If the neighbor’s dog had some history of attacking people or other dogs—and it sounds like the dog does not—there’s no reason for the neighbor to have anticipated that his dog would react the way he did.

I understand that you’re upset and you want someone to pay, literally, for what happened to Lulu, but you are making all kinds of assumptions about the character and motivations of the owner, and I’m not sure they’re warranted. If you do want to drag the guy into small claims court, depending on the state you live in it might not be enough that the event happened and you might have to make an argument that the owner was negligent/and or knew that their dog was likely to bite.

I would feel differently, if say, you were in a public park that required leashing and the dog that attacked Lulu was off-leash. That would be negligent on the owner’s part. But what happened here just sounds like an unfortunate accident, and you need to find another way to deal with the trauma of seeing Lulu hurt.

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Dear Pay Dirt,

I have a question about tipping. My friends and I disagree about the amount to tip for services, like massages, manicures, waxing, and hair services. I usually tip a set amount, or range, for each service regardless of price. For instance, for a 60-minute massage, I typically tip $20. I might tip $15-18 if it was a really bad massage or $25 if the masseuse did something extraordinary, but usually, I tip $20, regardless of how much the massage cost. A 90-minute massage is $30, a Brazilian and eyebrow wax is $25, a straight manicure (not gel or fake nails) is $7, I’ll give $15 if I get a mani/pedi. My friends say I should tip based on the price of the service but it is the same service being provided no matter how much the place decides to charge. This is the amount I feel is appropriate for the services being provided, regardless of whether I am in New York City or a small town in Vermont.

They think that since I moved here from a country that doesn’t put the same importance on tipping as the U.S. does I just don’t understand. It’s true—my home country doesn’t have a big tipping culture but we still tip for services, just usually less than 20 percent. My friends think that I will have trouble booking appointments because I will get a reputation for being a bad tipper. I think I tip generously! Am I out of line here? Is it normal to adjust tips for how much the service costs? I will admit that I sometimes wish I could adjust tips at restaurants too. I don’t get the point of tipping 20 percent on a sit-down meal when I order a cheeseburger and water versus when I order a steak from the same restaurant. The steak may cost more but the work for the kitchen and wait staff is the same. Still, I tip 20 percent of the cost. Should I be doing the same for services?

—What’s With Tipping?

Dear What’s With Tipping,

It’s pretty standard here to tip a percentage and not an absolute amount. I realize that might seem a bit unfair for people who work in places where the services cost less, but it really is the norm in the U.S.—so much so that you may notice that when you check out digitally, you’re often asked to pick a percentage on the touchscreen. Depending on the cost of services, the amounts you outline might be more than 20 percent and then you would not be considered a stingy tipper, but if you fall short of that using your set amounts, I’m afraid it’s true that you’ll be compared to people who tip 20 percent. I’d err on the side of 20 percent being your minimum.

(It’s also not necessarily true that the work is the same for your burger and a higher-end dish, and if you’re at a more expensive restaurant, there’s probably a lot more investment being made into the level of service and the experience and skill of people providing it, and percentage based tips, in theory, reflect that.)

There’s an argument to be made that tipping in general allows employers to underpay their employees but until tipping gets eliminated everywhere, it is a big portion of how people sustain themselves in service industries. Don’t shortchange people who work in those industries because you think the system is irrational. You may be correct, but it’s not the fault of the people who are doing your nails. I don’t think it will make it harder for you to get bookings if you do, but your motivation here should be siding with what’s fair in the current environment.

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Dear Pay Dirt,

My parents worked very hard their entire lives so I don’t begrudge them traveling so much in their golden years. They are off on one cruise or tour to another. My wife, however, does. We have one daughter and pay through the nose for private childcare. Most of my wife’s salary goes into it. We live in a high-cost area and it is something of a struggle to get by. Still, I don’t think is my parents’ problem. My wife constantly complains about costs and how “wasteful” my parents’ traveling is. That they could help pay for a nanny or even give a damn about their only granddaughter. I don’t think it is right or fair to expect that out of my parents when her own barely show any interest in our daughter unless it is to score points off each other. Their marriage was toxic and their divorce of 20 years even worse. My parents are always bringing back gifts for our daughter and take her out when they visit us. I love my wife but I am afraid she is going to bring up the subject to my parents one day or another and it is going to damage their relationship permanently. I know in case of an emergency my parents would be there, but they married young and had kids young. They put in their dues. They deserve this. How do I get through to my wife?

—Travel Trouble

Dear Travel Trouble,

I get your wife’s frustration with the cost of child care, and it sounds like she feels overextended, but her sense of entitlement about what your parents owe you is misplaced and selfish. Grandparents are not de facto babysitters and they do not owe their adult children financial support. If or when they provide it, it should be viewed as a gift, not fulfillment of an obligation.

Your parents have every right to spend their retirement traveling—that’s what a lot of people save up for years to be able to do. As for getting through to her, perhaps you can remind your wife, that eventually, you both might have grandchildren, and I imagine she wouldn’t like it very much if whatever she saved for retirement had to be used to support her grandchild’s private childcare instead. If you find that you’re paying through the nose for child care, it may be time to explore options besides a nanny, which is the most expensive option available and a very big luxury for most families. This is your problem to solve, not your parents’, and they have no obligation to financially support their grandchildren. Inasmuch as they have any obligation to their grandchildren, it’s simply to be loving grandparents, which it sounds like they are.

—Elizabeth

I was recently on a red-eye trans-Atlantic flight. After boarding, but before takeoff, I noticed that a passenger across the aisle took a picture of my 1-year-old child and posted it on a social media app. (I assume that he was mad that he had to sit next to a child on a long-haul flight.)