I’m Slate’s Advice Editor. This Week, I’m Letting You in on a Secret of the Trade.
Welcome to Help! Wanted, a special series from Slate advice. In the advising biz, there are certain eternal dilemmas that bedevil letter writers and columnists alike. This week, we’re taking them head-on.
It feels as if advice columns, in their numerous iterations, have been around forever. Even if you’ve never written to one, you probably recognize the hallmarks: Letters typically start with a story, a profession of love, or a seemingly simple question to anchor what comes next. Then come the tangled, anxious emotions. Sometimes we’re looking for reassurance, answers, a magic trick. But ultimately, we land at a few questions: Did I do the right thing? What do I say? Am I allowed to feel this way? Is this—am I—normal?
I’m somewhat obsessed with the ways we ask for and give advice. The fascination probably began with talk shows on the radio, with indelible host Delilah’s callers seeking solace as the backdrop to my long drives home. In Tumblr’s heyday, I’d send anonymous questions to bloggers who likely didn’t have any better answers than I did. I’ve written into, and been a diligent fan, of my fair share of columns. (I even held a brief stint in a college magazine answering other students’ questions about doomed crushes.) And now, as Slate’s advice editor, I read more letters a week than I ever thought possible. Across all these different forms, I’ve come to a simple conclusion: We’re all asking the same questions.
I am a sucker for the zany dilemma that gives me something to fiercely debate over the dinner table as much as the next person. But advice’s bread and butter? It’s the inquiries that all start to melt into each other: Should I leave this relationship? Is the person the right one for me? How do I get my in-laws to stop making my life miserable? How do I talk to my kid about grief/dating/family? What do we do if our tastes in the bedroom are completely at odds? How do I let go of this failing friendship?
When Slate’s first advice column, Dear Prudence, launched in 1997, Herbert Stein answered a reader’s question about whether they should still open the car door for a date or if power locks made that unnecessary. But really, what the person was asking was: How do I impress this person I’m taking out? Though these days we might be on the hunt for dating-app etiquette instead, it’s the same idea. The nuts and bolts of our questions are changing, but at their core, the build is the same.
So this week, our columnists are taking on the challenge of your eternal questions. Again. And again. Expect lots of breakups, friends in awful relationships, in-law feuds, mismatched bedrooms, and inheritance duels. The writers will swap columns, in the hopes that a fresh perspective can bring some new insights to these age-old problems. We’ll have guests sharing new approaches. We’ll show you how to write the perfect advice letter. A columnist will give the ultimate answers to your online dating questions. Our podcasts will help you think about kids’ screentime, finding community in a foreign place, and wedding anxieties. We’ll revisit past advice, potentially “get schooled” on some common pitfalls, and hear from former letter writers. You’ll keep asking those questions, and we’ll keep answering—but this time, we hope to give you some hard-earned answers that will endure.
