Made-in-Miami film shows us power of truly listening to someone who disagrees | Opinion

January 2017. I was sitting at my desk at a TV network, intending to work, but distracted by all the noise on social media. Videos circulating the web of people at odds with each other — yelling, cursing, labeling, fingerpointing and “othering” — were daunting. I think we all remember them. It was as if the United States’ mantle of “perfect” had been lifted; it was as if people’s dormant rage was let loose.

It was ugly and scary. I felt impotent, disheartened and disconnected from humanity.

Deep down I knew we could do better, or rather — that we were better. I decided to do a film, but the question remained: How could I showcase the best of the human spirit in such divisive times? The answer was clear: I had no idea.

Still, I ventured to find participants whose stories deeply intertwined with the issues across the topics of abortion, immigration and guns.

My goal was for these people — activists for their causes — to listen to each other. I knew it wasn’t an easy ask. I was struggling with it myself. Was I ready to listen? Shielding myself in my belief bubble would have been easier, but I was also seeking answers, or comfort — I wasn’t sure. Guided purely by intuition, I suspected that our lack of communication was at the root of our divides, and I decided to open the door for dialogue to ensue, for discomfort to surface and for hatred to burst.

Was I in for a journey! Here’s what I learned:

Lesson 1: Understanding and connection lie at the end of our discomforts.

Here’s what I had been hoping for all along. Had I not sat my participants down for three separate encounters, had I not believed that connection between them was possible after they got to hear each other out, I would have never witnessed this. I’m grateful I did. It was beautiful, it was transformative. It led me to title the film “LIST(e)N” and sent me on a journey to learn more about the power of listening.

Lesson 2: Deep listening is hard to come by.

As a society, we’re not taught how to listen. Instead, what’s celebrated is our ability to speak up. This is curious, since listening may be the single most important trait for personal and professional relationships. Listening entails being fully present when speaking with someone, giving them your undivided attention and not judging or overanalyzing what’s being said. It’s almost as if you put your egoic self to rest and you allow yourself to just listen.

Lesson 3: Listening is an act of courage.

We have been programmed to avoid ‘talking politics’, so naturally, we wonder whether the risks of listening to people with opposing viewpoints outweigh the benefits. After all, it’s easier to shut off all the yelling, let someone else deal with it and have someone else fight off the hatred. Listening to someone with whom we disagree can be uncomfortable, but it’s a necessity in order to transcend our differences. No dialogue yields no resolution.

Lesson 4: To understand is to heal.

Hatred automatically dissolves when we understand. And when we understand, we’re able to heal our divides, and our hearts. In making of the film, I saw how our joint human experience is greater than the rifts politicians emphasize. And better yet, the film’s participants realized that they could connect with each other when they — understood the life experiences of the other and delved into the why people believe what they believe. Their encounters gave them perspective.

Lesson 5: It is possible to change a heart without changing a viewpoint.

It was powerful to realize that it’s possible to change people’s perceptions about each other without changing their perspectives on the issues. People can and will believe what they want to — and I wasn’t out to change this. I was out to open their hearts — have them learn something about “the other,” have them see something in ‘the other’ they never saw before and get them to connect in a way they never thought possible. And it worked.

So, here’s my humble challenge: It’s human nature to dislike or hate that which we don’t understand. Let’s muster the courage to listen and listen to understand, with all that listening entails. And, may we all navigate the divisions in our country — and the world — with this refrain in mind, by the wise Elise M. Boulding: “Listening is the beginning of peace.”

Juliana Tafur has produced more than 200 hours of television for several major networks, including at Geo, Discovery, History and A+E. “LIST(e)N” is her first feature documentary, in partnership between Orkidea Films, her production company, and her filmmaker collective, Story Powerhouse. “LIST(e)N” will be shown at the 37th edition of the Miami Film Festival on March 8 and 9. For more information, visit miamifilmfestival.com/events/listen/