Man Gets Screwed In Room Where All Of America Gets Screwed

A view of the Hart Senate Office Building room during a Dec. 5 hearing.

Maybe it was the stench left over from the Trump administration that filled the air and shifted America’s equilibrium, but somehow sex, social media and the once sacred halls of a famous congressional building have not only collided, they’ve exploded, been retweeted and gossiped about. 

A junior aide to Maryland Democrat Ben Cardin allegedly recorded himself having sex with another man in the Hart Senate Office Building, and that video got shared all over the place. The Daily Caller first picked up the story and even shared screenshots of the encounter. 

News then came out that Maryland staffer Aidan Maese-Czeropski had been fired, then Maese-Czeropsk posted this cryptic message on his LinkedIn profile:

“This has been a difficult time for me, as I have been attacked for who I love to pursue a political agenda,” Maese-Czeropski wrote on LinkedIn. “While some of my actions in the past have shown poor judgment, I love my job and would never disrespect my workplace. Any attempts to characterize my actions otherwise are fabricated and I will be exploring what legal options are available to me in these matters.”

But it’s not been confirmed whether Maese-Czeropski is one of the men in question, and the puzzle pieces are so raunchy, jumbled and confusing that disgraced former New York Rep. George Santos actually made some sense.

“Having sex in a United States government building and filming it is the reason you got heat.

“You being gay and having gay sex NO BODY gives a rats ass…

“No one is perusing a political agenda, we are just disgusted about your VILE behavior as a staffer to a United States senator.

“Now you do put a new definition to “Fuck around and find out”! Aidan you will forever be remembered as the Democrats favorite sloppy bottom…”

Cardin, who did not elaborate on the event, which he called a “breach of trust,” said, “It’s a tragic situation, and it’s presented a lot of anger and frustration. I’m concerned about our staff and the way that they feel about this, and the Senate staff.”

And before you make that sanctimonious face and pass judgment on the national secondhand embarrassment that was an intrusive voyeuristic display of mating (OK, fine, it was just sex), just know: This isn’t the first time someone has been screwed in that building.

The Hart Senate Office Building is not just a building on Capitol Hill. It’s the office building on the Hill. Damn near all of the Senate hearings happen there. We know that conference room. It’s on CNN, MSNBC, Fox News. It was in this room where we learned that when it came to the terrorist attacks on 9/11, we were always fucked. On that day in 2001, about 2,600 people died at the World Trade Center, 125 died at the Pentagon and 256 died on the four planes that were hijacked. It took three years for a commission on 9/11 to issue its report, a massive 567-page document. In 2004, the 9/11 commission came to the same room to explain its findings, and what it found was less embarrassing than sex in that room. It discovered that the intelligence communities within the U.S. government weren’t communicating effectively, that we didn’t have enough military power inside the country to deal with terrorist threats and that the FBI didn’t seem to have a grasp on handling anything: not the borders, not immigration, not aviation security. Hell, the FBI couldn’t even figure out if terrorist groups were selling cookies to finance their operations or if they were being funded. Sure, the commission offered a hopeful set of ideas on how to fight global terrorism, but it was an embarrassingly long list of “shouldn’t we already be doing this?” One suggestion was identifying and snubbing out terrorist groups early. Another lofty goal was inter-intelligence communication. Another was shoring up homeland defense. All things that should’ve been in place prior to the attacks. If there was one takeaway from the hearing on the 9/11 findings, it was that we were fucked long before the attacks happened and we didn’t even know it.

It was in this very room, in 2017, that former acting U.S. Attorney General Sally Yates warned that Gen. Michael Flynn, who had recently resigned as President Donald Trump’s national security adviser, had been compromised and was vulnerable to blackmail from Russia. It was in this room that we learned that Yates warned Trump some three weeks before Flynn was let go. 

“Maybe, just maybe, [Trump] didn’t get rid of a guy who lied to the vice president, who got paid by the Russians, who went on Russia Today, because there are other people in his administration who met secretly with the Russians and didn’t reveal it until later, until they were caught,” then-Sen. Al Franken (D-Minn.) said at the time. “That may be why it took him 18 days, until it became public, to get rid of Mike Flynn, who was a danger to this republic.”

This was the first major scandal in what can only be described as a scandalous presidency. Trump had just been elected president in November 2016, and Yates notified Trump’s legal counsel in January 2017 that the FBI not only had concerns about Flynn, but they’d also actually gone as far as to interview him. Flynn was lying to everyone, including then-Vice President Mike Pence, about his contact with the Russian ambassador to the U.S., Sergey Kislyak.

“This was a problem because not only did we believe that the Russians knew this, but that they likely had proof of this information,” Yates said in her testimony. “And that created a compromise situation, a situation where the national security adviser essentially could be blackmailed by the Russians.”

After Yates said she wouldn’t enforce Trump’s racist and xenophobic travel ban, she was let go, just weeks after noting that Flynn couldn’t be trusted. Yes, you read this correctly, the acting attorney general was let go before the possibly compromised and actively lying security adviser to the president, who wasn’t forced out of his position until Feb. 13, 2017. Just a day before Valentine’s Day. Do with that what you will. 

But what might be the most empathic and symbolic depiction of the metaphoric screwing of the American public in this historic sex parlor on the Hill would have to be the Senate confirmation hearings for the four Supreme Court nominees who then voted to overturn Roe v. Wade. Neil Gorsuch, Brett Kavanaugh, Amy Coney Barrett and Samuel Alito all sat in this room and played semantics with arguably the biggest Supreme Court blunder since letting Justice Clarence Thomas make “friends.” In this room, Alito claimed that Roe v. Wade was precedent ― but didn’t note that it is “super precedent,” the equivalent of “olly olly oxen free.”

Barrett was like Neo in “The Matrix” as she dodged the question entirely.

When asked if she believed, as did Justice Antonin Scalia, that “Roe was wrongly decided and that it can and should be overruled,” she replied: “I think in an area where precedent continues to be pressed and litigated … it would actually be wrong and a violation of the canons for me to do that as a sitting judge. So if I express a view on a precedent one way or another, whether I say I love it or I hate it, it signals to litigants that I might tilt one way or another in a pending case.”

For the TL;DR crowd, she said, “I have an answer, but vote me onto the court and find out what it is.” 

Brett “I liked beer. I still like beer” Kavanaugh wouldn’t answer whether he believed that Roe v. Wade had correctly decided in 1973, but he did note that he considered it to be settled precedent. He pointed out to Sen. Dianne Feinstein (D-Calif.) that in the past 45 years, Roe v. Wade had been reaffirmed many times. 

And all of them fucked us as soon as they got onto the court.

Yes, it’s shocking that two men sneaked into one of the most prestigious rooms on the Hill and had sex, but let’s stop acting like this is the first time we’ve been screwed by people in that building who were also being recorded and that the wild part is they did it all while being fully clothed.