It's a man's world

Early in my journalism career, I covered the Women's Ranch Rodeo Finals in Pawhuska.

My daughter, six at the time, was always eager to hear about my day. She said something I still think about today when showing her those photos.

"Are women allowed to do that?"

Somehow, those photos of women riding horses, roping, and rustling cattle ran counter to something in her.

My son never asked me that before but my daughter already knew at a young age, what I believe most women probably experience daily. In the words of the late James Brown, "This is a man's world."

Recently a column was published in the EE that caused harm to our already divided community and I have been tasked with the paper's response.

I will be honest, I can't bring healing or restoration to the divide in our community. It feels like an ever-growing chasm on all sides of every issue.

My heartbreak is sitting on the sidelines, documenting our town tearing itself apart as neighbor disparages neighbor with their "truth." People express they want to leave because they no longer feel welcome, and the other side responds with "good riddance."

My lack of qualifications, education and pedigree to debate the issue didn't stop the editor from handing me this responsibility. I can only share my own experience and opinion on the issue of prejudice against women.

Nonetheless, here I am in an impossible situation that will cause most to dig further into their positions.

So forgive me for stumbling my way through an incredibly complicated issue. Remember, this is the opinion section so don't say I didn't warn you.

First, I must clarify that I'm not ashamed to admit I lean toward egalitarianism.

The belief that all are equal and deserve equal rights is a view that I purposely choose to cultivate. I have tried to apply that belief daily, but honestly, I fall short because, as a male, I benefit from having more innate power.

I have never thought there was something I couldn't achieve if I didn't apply myself. I have never been in a situation where I believed or experienced some glass ceiling that kept me from achieving my potential.

That isn't the experience others have had and I'm not sure I can truly understand how unfair that is.

My daughter gave me a small insight into the future she will experience. A world that treats her as somehow slightly less than and a God that endorses that idea.

Not only do I believe those ideas are abusive but they extend into spiritual abuse when people use the Bible to hammer them down. I know many argue that's not what they are really saying or say, 'I'm only telling you what the Bible says.'

But the reality is, knowingly or unknowingly, by promoting the belief women need to be led and women need to be protected, we send a subtle message that women aren't equal to men.

Also, we need to accept the reality that men benefit from the idea. Being in a marriage where a husband gets the final say in everything and the husband's interpretation of the Bible trumps your wife's can be extremely dangerous and harmful.

Now I have seen many model complementarian marriages that, to my understanding, are successful. If two people want to have such a marriage, they are free to do so.

My concern lies with the inherent power imbalances that can come with that. If the wife is forced, demanded or expected to submit and the husband to rule, how do we know anyone really got a choice? Especially when anyone who isn't adhering to that model is bullied or shamed.

Those ideas of male superiority in marriage can trickle down to how men treat all women.

I feel this point is evident based on how one of our columnists is often berated with scripture and criticism, not for what she says but because she is a woman saying it.

History teaches us power corrupts, but those in power often don't teach that detail. Usually, they take the disingenuous response, "Oh, you don't want the weight of this responsibility." I often think — how convenient.

Unfortunately, today it seems Christians are more interested in following a breed of pastors who seek fame and influence first and character second. They are the very people who shouldn't have it.

This is a topic that Christianity Today explored in-depth in their podcast series, 'The Rise and Fall of Mars Hill.'

The former pastor, Mark Driscoll, led a 15,000 attendance mega church to its downfall with his abuse of power and his harmful misogynistic beliefs continue to spread through Christian culture today.

For me, Jesus's Biblical teachings didn't shore up power for the wealthy, elite and dominant but brought freedom to the oppressed, downtrodden, taken advantage of and disenfranchised − and a warning to those in power who perpetuate the imbalance.

But we will always come back here until we look inward and explore how our advantages disadvantage others.

The truth is we fear the loss of control because we fear others will control us as we have controlled others. Whether you agree or not, I hope you will think about what I said before you tell me how wrong I am.

And for my daughter's and everyone else's daughter's sake, let's try and create a world where they never have to question whether they are equal or not.

This article originally appeared on Bartlesville Examiner-Enterprise: It's a man's world