Mark J. Price: Pardon the grammar from this mammer jammer

There's nothing like making a grammatical error in an item about grammatical errors.

We recently told you about a New Jersey native who noticed a curious speaking pattern in Akron:

“The car needs washed.” “The roof needs fixed.”

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In proper English, those sentences should read: “The car needs to be washed.” “The roof needs to be fixed.”

Well, we — and, by that, I mean everyone working for the USA Today Network except possibly me — casually referred to those as “missing prepositions.”

Uh-oh. Clearly, the story “needs edited.”

“Sorry to be a wet blanket on your otherwise fun item on dropped words in the Akron idiom,” wrote former Beacon Journal editorial writer Sarah Vradenburg, my first journalism instructor at Kent State University who once had the audacity to give me a failing grade on a report because I misspelled “Cincinnati” when clearly the only people who cared were 250 miles away in Hamilton County.

“ ‘To be’ is not a preposition but an irregular verb, combining the two to make one verb,” she wrote. “Don’t ask me why, but that’s the way it is.”

Then she had the audacity to send me an electronic link proving her point.

Thank you, Sarah. I will never again confuse an irregular verb with a preposition.

Especially when I’m in Cincinnati.

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Next up was former North Hill resident Jim Clegg, who taught English for 30 years at Alliance High School. His father, Bill Clegg, was our track coach at North High, and when I mean “our,” I mean I sat in the bleachers and watched as speedy athletes sprinted to the finish line.

He roundly chastised Sarah for her outdated views on language and praised me for pushing the boundaries of grammar. No, that’s not what happened at all.

“It is true that the word ‘to’ is often used as a preposition, but ‘to be’ is an infinitive form of a verb, NOT a preposition,” he wrote. “As a former North Hill boy who grew up ‘in North Hill’ (the neighborhood, not a topographical elevation) I am shocked, saddened, disheartened, and disappointed that you made such a fundamental grammatical misidentification.”

Oh, Jim, that part about “in North Hill” really stings. You know that I grew up “on North Hill,” not in it. But your point is well taken. I fixed the column online.

Although Jim and I had some of the same wonderful English teachers at North, he clearly took better notes during Let’s Learn Infinitive Forms of Verbs Week.

By the way, I don’t think he was really all that upset because he finished the note: “Keep the great columns coming. Oh, to be young in North Hill again!”

On North Hill, darn it.

Another idiom to ponder

Speaking of Akron idioms, Cuyahoga Falls resident Jerry Stranathan wonders: “Did your mother ever ask you to ‘red’ up the house?”

An alternative form is “rid,” he says, and it’s more prevalent in the northern and southern parts of Summit County. Two hours to the east, it’s even more common.

To “redd up” a room is a colloquialism from western Pennsylvania and the northern panhandle of West Virginia. It means to “tidy up.”

“Many of the people I knew growing up were from West Virginia,” Stranathan explained. “You do know that Akron is the capital of West Virginia?”

Sure, Jerry: Reading, writing and Route 21.

Incidentally, when I was a kid, one of my favorite jokes to play on English teachers went something like this.

“This morning, I ‘et’ seven pancakes.”

“Ate,” the teacher corrected.

“You’re right. Maybe it was eight.”

It's all downhill from here

There is no greater feel-good event than Senior Day at Derby Downs. It's heartwarming to watch older people relive childhood memories in Soap Box Derby cars at the famed hill in Akron.

But was it really a good idea to play the Blue Oyster Cult song “(Don’t Fear) The Reaper” as octogenarians hurtled down the track Aug. 11? I don’t know who’s in charge of music selection, but maybe we should scratch that title off the list, along with The Beatles' “Help,” Dave Matthews Band's “Crash Into Me” and Jan & Dean's “Dead Man's Curve.”

In a related thought: I smile ever time I enter the drive-thru at the Huntington branch on Cleveland-Massillon Road in Bath.

The letter “B” has faded from the bank alarm on the outside of the building. The “DIEBOLD” logo now reads: “DIE OLD.”

I think we can all agree with that sentiment.

If you can’t take the heat

I read that several schools had to shut down in Northeast Ohio because of high temperatures and broken air conditioning.

At the risk of sounding like a cranky old guy, I don’t remember such cancellations ever occurring in Akron Public Schools when I was a youth. I recall having to walk to school in 85-degree heat and diagramming sentences in a stuffy classroom with a window propped open.

And we couldn’t wear shorts to school!

The big question is this: What do school administrators expect to happen when they start the school year in August?

Don’t count on next summer being any cooler.

Mark J. Price can be reached at mprice@thebeaconjournal.com.

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This article originally appeared on Akron Beacon Journal: Grammar can be dangerous in the wrong hands