Mark Woods: Florida Man gets the headlines, but don't underestimate Georgia Man

Florida Man gets the headlines, the social media hashtags, the magazine profiles, the Neftflix series and now, coming to this part of the state, the Florida Man Games.

Pete Melfi, founder of St. Augustine-based news outlet 904 Now, has created a competition ripped from the Florida Man headlines and mixed with American Gladiators refs.

He’s looking for 16 five-person teams to compete in the Florida Man Games, to be held Feb. 24 in St. Augustine, in events like a Category 5 hurricane winds cash grab, pool noodle mud dueling and the “Catalytic Converter, 2 Bikes and a Handful of Copper Pipes Race Against Time.” There also will be individual events, like a mullet contest.

"The games are inspired by the wild headlines we’ve seen for years,” Melfi said. “I thought, ‘How can we let people live a day in the life of a Florida Man headline without being arrested?’"

With another Florida-Georgia week upon us, I’ll take that one step — or one jump of the shark? — farther and ask: What if there were the Florida-Georgia Man Games?

When I mentioned this to someone else, they said there already is. It used to be called the World's Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party.

I quickly defended the fine folks now returning to RV City like swallows to Capistrano, saying that whenever I’ve hung out with them, the Gators and Dawgs fans always have been upstanding, law-abiding citizens. And I’m sure none has ever done anything stupid in the past. But in both of our fair states, some of our fellow residents have been known to create wacky news.

Sure, if there were football-like rankings for stories involving I-95, exotic animals and nudity — sometimes all together — Florida would be the reigning national champion, undisputed No. 1 in the polls and overwhelming favorite in the Florida-Georgia Man Games.

But don’t underestimate Georgia Man.

A quick Google search of headlines from the past year shows that Georgia Man might be able to compete with Florida Man, or at least keep the game close until the fourth quarter involves tossing alligators into Wendy’s drive-thru windows.

A sampling of the headlines:

Georgia Man gets himself arrested after asking why he was left off county’s Most Wanted List.

Georgia Man arrested after fleeing troopers and posting video on TikTok.

Georgia Man sought internationally for allegedly orchestrating scheme that misdirected more than $30 million donated for Christian ministry in China.

Georgia Man steals ambulance, does donuts in parking lot.

“Like a Scene from ‘Home Alone,’” Georgia Man slips on ice after attempted robbery.

Of course, Florida Man can counter with news — just from this past week — about a porn star turned Proud Boy pleading guilty to taking part in the Jan. 6 insurrection, plus the everyday Florida Man stories involving criminals and politicians, which sometimes turn out to be one-and-the-same.

What events would we have in the Florida-Georgia Man Games?

Start with a Family Feud-style game of “Name an Excuse Used for Speeding.” (Survey says … hard to top a Florida Man who drove his car into a strip mall because he was attempting time travel, like in “Back to the Future.”)

Air Guitar Battle of the Bands: Tom Petty versus REM. (Since this is Jacksonville — home of Florida Man greeting hurricane winds by standing in the middle of a road, barefoot and shirtless, gripping an American flag, headbanging to Slayer — extra points for anything resembling that.)

Run, Lindsay Run. The Florida-Georgia Games version of a 100-meter dash. A timed run of Georgia Man trying to cover 93 yards. And Florida Man trying to catch him. All after tailgating.

Two Bits, Four Bits, Six Bits, a Dollar, Stand-Up-and-Holler contest. Based on the name of the game, you might think this is a gimme for Florida Man. But Georgia Man not only has all kinds of hollers — from Hooch Holler to Hell’s Holler — the history of hollerin’ can be traced to places like the Okefenokee Swamp.

Hunker Down. Leave the tug-of-wars to the bland battles between other border states. Will Georgia Man, with Larry Munson’s voice forever ringing in his ears, prevail at hunkering down? Or will Florida Man, with all that practice hunkering down every hurricane season?

Pie eating contest: Key lime and pecan. And in the Florida-Georgia Man Games, it isn’t enough to just keep your hands behind your back, you must be holding a python or possum.

These games also should include women, because while the men seem to get much of the attention, Florida Woman and Georgia Woman also are quite capable of creating headlines. (One recent example: “Florida Woman ‘borrows’ alligator and keeps it in hotel bathtub.”)

The “On This Date” Florida-Georgia Games Challenge. Perhaps you’ve heard of the Florida Man Birthday Challenge. Put “Florida Man” and your birthday into a search engine and get a story. (Mine is “Florida Man Arrested for Running Naked Through Walmart”).

Try that for Oct. 28, the date of this year’s game, and you get …

“Florida Man arrested after leaving a pizza trail of clues for deputies.”

“Georgia man sentenced for smuggling protected turtles.”

I’ll let you be the judge of who wins that one. And beyond that, whether winning the Florida-Georgia Man Games is reason to holler.

mwoods@jacksonville.com, (904) 359-4212

This article originally appeared on Florida Times-Union: Florida Man gets headlines but don't discount Georgia Man