Married Women Are Sharing The Tiny Everyday Tip That Changed Their Relationship In A Big Way, And Some Of These Need To Be Etched In Stone
·9 min read
Whether you're currently in a relationship or hope to be in one soon, it's never a bad idea to hear how other couples keep their love alive and prevent arguments from escalating. That's why we rounded up some of the top "unspoken rules" for having a successful marriage, according to married women below. Here's what they had to say:
1."In my relationship (we've been together for 20 years), we’re grateful for each other, and I really think that’s the key. For instance, I’ll thank him for running to the store after work to grab a few ingredients for dinner (and he does the same for me). Example: 'Thanks for doing that so I didn’t have to make a special trip' and 'Thanks for using your day off to build that patio.' It might sound small because he needs those things in our shared home anyway, but it always feels nice to have someone appreciate your efforts. Plus, practicing gratitude in this form makes me even more aware of how good I have it by having him in my life — it's a win-win."
2."Will have been happily married for 30 years. My take: You are a team of two who have each other’s backs above all others. Take the time to say thank you, compliment, and nurture each other in little things every day. Be a united front, whether it is with other family members, your kids, friends, or society. When someone wrongs, offends, or challenges one person, they will need to answer to both of you."
3."If possible, have separate bathrooms. I swear this is the true key to a long and happy relationship. You don't ever have to worry about how your spouse uses the toothpaste or how it is recapped. Shower together every now and then, but have your own private space."
4."In addition to the attachment styles, learn their love language and make an effort to show them your love in their own language, not just yours. Maybe you're not that into gifts or cuddling, but it could mean the difference between your partner feeling cherished or ignored."
5."Never start a discussion about something that bothers you with the word 'you,' like 'You didn't move the laundry, wash the dishes, etc.' Statements like that sound accusatory and will easily kick off an argument. Instead, start with an 'I' statement like: 'I think we have a work imbalance at home. What do you think?' It's much less threatening. And the golden rule, 'Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.'"
6."My husband and I don't fight often, but when we do, it's always about something fairly minor, and we resolve it quickly — but our number one rule is to fight fair. We never name-call or say, 'You ALWAYS do this.' And if you're really heated, step away. Giving each other a timeout to go to another room, take a breath, and calm down is vital. It can be so tempting to follow them if you have something else you want to say, but recognizing they may not be in the right headspace to hear it at that very moment is important."
7."Figure out just how dysfunctional you are willing to work with or around, and make that decision prior to getting married. I’ve been married for 11 years, and unfortunately, there is no way my in-laws are going to be better people. If you are fortunate to have a partner who has emotional maturity and can create healthy boundaries, then you might be able to live with it, but if your partner is averse to that, you may want to steer clear."
8."We have a 'you deal with your side, I'll deal with mine' approach to our families. Does his brother annoy me? Do my siblings bug him? Yes, sometimes, but we each handle our own sides, and it has worked wonderfully."
9."Kids are second in the relationship. Sorry, not sorry. Hear me out! You will not let your kids go hungry, unclothed, unloved, or uncared for as a result; you're just not. If you're taking time to prioritize your marriage first, your kids will reap the rewards of that situation. Your kids will see what healthy affection and marriage look like, they'll see that having kids doesn't mean you stop dating your spouse, and having kids will actually seem like a good thing rather than this arduous task in the name of continuing the species."
10."Your in-laws are a part of your life, but not a leading role in your marriage. A lot of couples complain about their in-laws’ involvement and how they are often the cause of arguments during the early stages of the marriage and/or new parent stage. Yes, their parents/siblings once held the number one spot in the level of importance, and now, it ought to be made clear by your mate that you as the spouse have taken that place. Also, never put your in-laws in their 'place,' always show respect, and let your partner handle unpleasant discussions with them."
11."I don't know where it came from, but in making big decisions, it has served us well to apply the 'two yeses, one no' rule. If the decision is something that's going to substantially change your lives, like moving or having a kid, you only proceed if BOTH of you can say an enthusiastic yes to the plan. If one of you says no — even if the other is a yes! — the deal is off, and the 'yes' person has to respect the other's no. You can feel any way you want to feel about it, but no trying to wheedle or coerce the 'no' person to see it your way."
12."My husband never ever closes the closet, and I always leave my towel on the bed. He always picks up the towel; I always close the closet. This is a weirdly adorable part of him, these habits, I wouldn't change them for the world."
13."This is something you should find out before marriage, but learn about how the other person celebrates birthdays, holidays, and other milestones. In my family, as we became adults, birthdays became less important, and we just didn't celebrate. We wished each other happy birthday and go out to dinner, but didn't do cake or presents. This worked for our family, but when my brother's first wife came into the picture, she expected a lot more hoopla because that's what she was used to. She felt hurt that we didn't make a huge deal out of her birthday, and it was something that could've been handled better had my brother known. You, of course, make your own traditions as you continue in life, but knowing these small things up front could save a potential headache in the future."
14."We all have demons, addictions, mental health issues, etc. If you want your partner to be sensitive to your stuff, you've gotta be sensitive to theirs. It's all about how much mierda you're willing to eat before you go running into the streets."
15."People don’t get caught up in small stuff because they actually give a crap. People do that because there are one or bigger important issues that aren’t being addressed. Rest assured: It is NEVER actually about the socks on the floor or the crumbs sitting next to the toaster."
16."My girlfriend and I have something we refer to as 'The Four.' We use it when one of us is having a rough spot or a problem. The four are 1. Comfort. 2. Talk about it/vent. 3. Solutions. 4. Space/alone time. It has solved SO MANY communication issues, especially when I just want to rant about something and I don't want advice! It's an awesome technique."
17."When my partner is upset and needs to talk, I ask the question: 'Do you just need to vent, or do you want to find solutions together?' This way the expectations are clear, and I can give him what he needs without me trying to guess and getting it wrong. We are both neurodivergent, so setting expectations really helps us both."
18."If you plan on having kids, know that a baby will amplify the existing positives and negatives of your relationship and your individual personalities. If you and your partner are kind, loving, and generous to each other pre-kid, it will be much easier for you to survive the chaos and challenges of new parenthood as a team. Make sure you are rock solid as a couple before you start trying for kids."
19."Keeping up with common courtesy. Don't take each other for granted. When I would like my husband to get me/do something, I say please and thank you. He does the same with me. Just because you're married doesn't mean all manners go out the damn window with each other. I can't believe some of the couples I see just demand things, don't ask, or do not even say thank you. The one and only time there is an exception is if we're sick/in pain, but even then, we still strive to keep it up. But yeah, sometimes, cramps make me stabby, and he knows, LOL."
Do you have an "unspoken rule" that you believe makes your relationship successful? If so, tell us what it is and why it works in the comments below.