Matt Willis details "shame cycle" following cocaine relapse on Busted tour
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Matt Willis has opened up about the shame he experienced, after a drugs relapse on the Busted reunion tour five years ago.
The musician has candidly spoken about his history of substance abuse for a new BBC documentary, Fighting Addiction, where he revealed that in his most recent relapse he would take 6 grams of cocaine a day.
Willis, who had been sober since 2008 throughout his marriage to wife Emma Willis, had experienced relapses in the past, but admitted this one left him "ashamed."
Related: Busted's Matt Willis opens up about marriage struggles to wife Emma Willis
One night after a gig, Willis was offered the drug and decided to take it, as he thought at the time: "I was like, 'Cocaine wasn’t a problem for me, alcohol was my downfall.'"
However, Willis went onto explain the trajectory that took him on. He said: "Within a month I was doing six grams, bang, bang, bang, bang, on my own every f**cking day and not coming home until 3am in the morning, pretending I was working on my album.
"I wasn’t really writing I was making s**t music in the studio doing coke. It was straight back to that shame cycle, the shame of relapse, the shame of letting everyone down, the shame of using uncontrollably trying to stop and not being able to."
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The Year 3000 singer also said was disappointed with how he treated his wife, as he became a "mastermind at gaslighting Emma, making her think she was crazy."
At the time he told The Guardian: "I’m so ashamed of that and I never want her to feel like that again."
Emma also appears in the documentary and admitted that the last relapse left her
"flabbergasted", she added with tears in her eyes: "I didn’t expect it. I think because he had been doing so well for such a long time. It was the last thing I thought."
Matt Willis: Fighting Addiction will air on Wednesday, May 17 at 9pm on BBC One and BBC iPlayer.
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