Mental health and coronavirus: How to cope with the new norm in Charlotte
My three years of training as a resident advisor (R.A.) at UNC Charlotte prepared me for many things. Adjusting to this new normal – living in a world overtaken by the coronavirus COVID-19 – seems to be one of them (dramatic, I know). As an R.A., we planned programs in the residence halls using the wellness wheel. The model includes “seven important dimensions of wellness: emotional, environmental, intellectual, occupational, physical, social and spiritual,” according to a Princeton University website.
I’d like to say I’m doing all seven and life is grand over here at my house in NoDa. But no, I’ve thrown one too many F-bombs at the kids, had a few sleepless nights and overloaded on Twitter. My anxiety level and need for control are higher than usual. I’m actively looking for ways to stay well and promote a healthy environment for myself and family.
Here are a few tips from local experts to help you (and me) cope over the next several weeks:
(1) Emotional
Embrace the feelings and emotions you’re experiencing.
The emotions I’ve felt this past week range from worry, sad, anxious, angry, confused and overwhelmed. It’s the uncertainty of the situation that fuels my emotions. One friend said in a text, “It’s like we’re in a bad movie.” I added, “And we don’t know the ending.”
Many of us thrive on order and predictability. Meg Houlihan, a licensed psychologist, suggests we validate how our regular lives have been temporarily halted. The things that give us a sense of order such as the Saturday yoga class or the Wednesday night meetup are not happening.
We can make schedules to break up the day. Include wake-up and bedtime, work, school work, exercise and family time. Houlihan recommends being realistic about spending so much time together; plan time apart.
Rose Richardson Skibek, a licensed marriage and family therapist with Charlotte Therapy Associates, said another great way to handle the grief process (losing a job, canceling special events, missing out on regular activities) and levels of stress is acknowledging what we can and cannot control. “Focusing on the way we respond, the way we act, the way we want to invest in ourselves. Positive reframes hold a great deal of power during times of struggle. Taking control of the situation by making a plan: When we identify a problem, making a plan for a solution. If you miss your friends, plan to FaceTime them. Put it into your schedule.”
What to do:
Find a therapist who participates in telehealth for online counseling sessions: BetterHelp, ReGain and Talkspace. Charlotte Therapy Associates at 5200 Park Road is also providing teletherapy for clients.
Reach out to friends and families who may be isolated. Is there anything you can do to help them?
Talk about other things you’ve overcome as an individual and/or as a family.
What’s your superpower? How can you use it in this situation?
Enroll in Yale University’s online class, “The Science of Well-Being.” It’s offered free right now.
(2) Environmental
Assess the space where you’re spending most of your time – this means the physical environment as well as your online community.
I’m an action-oriented problem solver. By last Saturday, I created a schedule on Google Docs for the kids to complete daily (not a huge hit with my teen). I also decided working on our yard would become the project we could complete as a family, improving our home and having something visible to show for our time sheltering in place.
Meg Robertson is a life coach and owner of Macvian Partners. She instituted a “room a day challenge” to her family: They’re cleaning out closets, painting baseboards and improving their physical environment. Robertson temporarily turned her dining room into a workout room – moved her bike training stand for free Peloton videos (extended 90-day free trial) and free home fitness plans with Ani Boyd.
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Our environment also includes online communities. I realized last Monday that much of my anxiety was from reading Twitter posts – I was going down the “rabbit hole” and reading too much, too late at night and wasn’t sleeping. I’ve removed Twitter from my phone so I can manage how much and what type of information is entering my environment. My anxiety decreased immediately.
What to do:
Clean out a physical space such as the closet, garage, shed or under the bed.
Delete a social media app that’s not pushing you in a positive direction.
Join a supportive online community such as ParentsTogether’s Coronavirus Parents. The group is moderated and the community is offering ideas for activities, educational resources and social distancing.
Rearrange a space in your home to fit your needs right now: exercise, home office, playroom or art room.
Review your comments before adding to social media. Look at the messages you’re sending out into your community.
(3) Intellectual
Engage in mentally stimulating activities.
My kids may eventually come up for air from Disney+ and gaming and when they do, there are multiple ways to get them involved. Charlotte Mecklenburg Library offers a variety of resources for reading books, taking online classes and learning languages. Listen to Oprah read “The Hula-Hoopin’ Queen” – and well-known authors read books aloud. Need math? Fractal Kitty offers 52-weeks of activities (hope we won’t need that many weeks.) Stream educational movies from Liberty Science Center. Break out the puzzles, word search books and Scrabble.
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“[You] don’t want all your energy to go into learning about the virus,” Houlihan said. “It’s OK to learn about something else.”
What to do:
Listen to staff from the Humane Society of Charlotte read to shelter dogs.
Participate in Charlotte Lit’s “Keeping Pen to Paper” or a.k.a. “The Creative Opportunity of Extreme Social Distancing.”
Signup for Remote Laundry Day on March 29, 12-1 p.m. by emailing Andrea Downs at areneedowns@gmail.com. Downs is the founder of Airing Out the ‘Dirty’ Laundry.
Watch WCNC’s chief meteorologist Brad Panovich’s class on the weather.
(4) Occupational
Review how your career and educational goals are being fulfilled. Take an inventory of your skills and abilities.
Most workers fall into one of these categories right now: suddenly unemployed, employed but managing from home, was in the middle of a job search before COVID-19 or working but unsure about the next few months. Each scenario has its own struggles, and Latesha Byrd, a career coach and the owner of Byrd Career Consulting, recommends all groups stay positive, celebrate small wins with rewards and keep moving forward.
“We have to be more tailored and strategic in the types of roles and companies we approach,” Byrd said for folks looking for a job. “Take this time to step back and look at what industries are hiring, what industries are going to thrive during this season we are going through. Develop a plan of action to really get ahead in the job search.”
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Byrd advises people who are working from home use this time to shine, rather than slack off. Simple things like setting a timer for work time and breaks, moving around the house for a change of scenery and setting up your day for your best use of energy.
“I do think employee engagement is going to be a challenge,” Byrd said. “This is a time to stand out on your team.”
What to do:
Focus a job search on industries that are still hiring.
Let your network know you’re looking.
Stay optimistic. Be patient and celebrate small wins.
Record outcomes and results.
(5) Physical
Plan your day around healthy habits and practices.
“Forward movement is everything,” Robertson’s friend said in a social media post after a satisfying run. But it doesn’t have to be a killer workout or a fast-paced run. It can be a stroll around the yard or a quick walk around the block. Do three sets of 12 reps with some of those large-sized cans of soup you bought in bulk at the grocery store.
Robertson got an idea from a Today Show anchor who asked the audience, “What gift could you share with the world?” She is an avid hiker and triathlete trainer and knew the answer when she heard the question: Robertson could show family and friends where to hike in the Charlotte region. She recommends the Carolina Thread Trail, state parks, greenways – always staying a safe distance from others.
Jennifer L. Kolb, a licensed clinical mental health counselor with Charlotte Wellness Collaborative, said getting outside and moving is also helpful for regulating our bodies. “Connect with nature in some way every day. Take in some sun, or some clouds or some rain. Get some fresh air. Engaging with nature helps us downshift and reset, and eases our nervous systems.”
What to do:
Commit to an online workout program.
Learn a new sport with family members who are in quarantine with you.
Take a hike or walk each day.
(6) Social
Interact in healthy and stimulating ways with your community and family.
I’ve seen many references to how social distancing doesn’t have to mean social isolation. We may feel shut off from friends and family physically but there are ways to stay connected with technology and smart planning. Right now, it’s OK to walk around your neighborhood and wave to neighbors sitting on the porch. I saw a “block party” on one friend’s Instagram post with people sitting at the end of their driveways.
People in tough situations — mental health, ability or domestic issues — worry Houlihan the most, as the weeks of social distancing linger on. “As we try so hard to limit exposure to this thing (COVID-19), we could actually be making other situations way worse,” she said.
How can we support local businesses while social distancing over coronavirus?
Reach out to neighbors, friends and family who might need a quick text or call. Remember the people working at the hospitals, grocery stores or trying to keep their small business running. A smile and a wave go a long way at a time like this.
What to do:
Be kind when you drive – let people into your lane, wave when someone lets you in.
Find a pen pal for your child.
Plan a daily phone call with a friend.
Practice random acts of kindness. Find several socially distancing approved ideas here.
Skype or FaceTime with a family member. Reach out to someone who may be isolated.
(7) Spiritual
Explore your purpose and meaning.
People rely on things like a job and community to define meaning in life, said Joey Haynes, chaplain at Queens University of Charlotte. When it’s taken away abruptly, we question our purpose and need to find a way to stay centered and grounded. Haynes suggests taking time in the day to recenter, meditate, pray or find an online community.
Jake Dolan, youth minister at St. Luke’s Lutheran Church noticed something else going on as we adjust to this new normal. We’re eating dinner together and parents who may not get the chance to tuck in their kids, have the time to do so now. It’s a time to be present, he said.
“We’re almost having to disconnect from the busyness of life,” Dolan said. “We’re being more introspective and reflective about life. People are having to slow down their pace.”
What to do:
Download the Ten Percent Happier’s free Corona Virus Sanity Guide.
Find faith community support using YouTube, Zoom and Facebook Live for ceremonies, services and worship opportunities. Look for resources at MeckMin Mecklenburg Interfaith Network.
Share your time or funds with an organization that is delivering meals to children.
Use a free guided meditation from Charlotte Center for Mindfulness or subscribe to its YouTube channel for mindfulness videos.
Charlotte blood banks need our help during the coronavirus pandemic.
I leave you with this poem by Jenna Wise, a Charlotte creative. She’s using her superpowers for good:
“love in the time of covid-19”
he arrives bearing charmin, dial and ripe bananas.
i see him through the peephole in my front door
as i press my hand against the handle
and raise my voice: set them on the planter!
he steps back –
we count to six, quietly, together.
i open the door and hold up my palm as he raises his.
we wave. we half-smile.
he dashes away
and with gloved hands
i clorox wipe every iota of him off the bag
before i hide back inside.
-j.c.wise
Rebecca Jeffery contributed to this story.
