MLS 'Hell is Real' and the long history of Columbus besting Cincinnati
Pity poor Cincinnati, always living in our shadow.
We’re Victoria’s Secret and Express. They’re Totes Adult Rain Ponchos.
We’re Jeni’s Salted Caramel. They’re UDF Orange Sherbet.
We’re Bath & Body Works Coco Shea Rich Moisture Body Wash. They’re Ivory Soap.
We have two rivers. They’ve only got that one.
Most importantly, for the purposes of Saturday’s MLS Eastern Conference final between the two cities’ professional soccer teams, our Columbus Crew have two Major League Soccer titles, a U.S. Open Cup and a league-best record three times.
Cincinnati’s team, known as FC Cincinnati, doesn’t even have a name.
We probably shouldn’t rub it in against That City Down South, but Columbus did kind of write the book on these rivalry games (last Saturday notwithstanding). So, in lieu of crossing out the letter C on signs all over town, we offer this rundown of some of the other times Columbus came out on top.
More: Columbus Crew vs FC Cincinnati: Watch the big game at a Lower.com Field watch party
Feb. 14, 1812
Columbus was created to be king. The Queen City never stood a chance.
Nearly a decade after Ohio became a state, members of the General Assembly decided a more central location was needed for its capital city than Chillicothe or Zanesville, where they previously met.
Instead of moving the capital to Worthington, Dublin, Delaware or Franklinton, which was then a village of its own, lawmakers chose to establish a new community east of the Scioto River on Feb. 14, 1812. They overwhelmingly chose the name Columbus over another suggestion, Flavortown.
Never considered as a possible state capital: Cincinnati, on the banks of the Ohio River in the southwest corner of the state.
But hey, it’s still Porkopolis.
Oct. 13, 1900
When Ohio State and the University of Cincinnati last met on the football field in 2019, one Cincinnati sports blog put it as gently as possible: “Cincinnati does not have much positive history against Ohio State.”
The Buckeyes won that game in 2019 by a score of 42-0 at Ohio Stadium.
The Buckeyes have an all-time record of 12-2 against Cincinnati. Their last loss was Nov. 13, 1897, at the end of what stands as the worst season in Ohio State football history. The team was 1-7-1 that year, scored just 18 points in nine games and was shut out in all seven losses.
Cincinnati won, 34-0.
Ohio State turned the tables when the two schools met again in 1900. That 29-0 victory began a 123-year winning streak against the Bearcats.
1960s
For Ohio’s first 150-plus years, Columbus was a distant third when it came to the populations of Ohio’s three-C cities. Cincinnati was tops throughout the 1800s. Cleveland grew to become the state’s largest city after the 1900 census, and Columbus passed Cleveland by 1990.
When populations were counted in 1960, Cincinnati posted its first decline in residents. That trend would continue through 2010. Its population stood at 309,513 in June 2022, the last date for which estimates were released by the U.S. Census Bureau.
Columbus, with the benefit of being able to grow through annexation in all four directions, has never shrunk in population. The city had 31,000 fewer residents than Cincinnati in the 1960 census but had 87,000 more people by the 1970 count.
Our population was 907,971, according to the last official estimate.
Nov. 16, 1969
Cincinnati gets enough grief about its chili. We’re not going to go there this time.
But Wendy’s, the Columbus-born, Dublin-based fast-food giant that gets no complaints from anyone, has grown to 7,095 restaurants since Dave Thomas opened the first on East Broad Street in 1969. The company posted $2.1 billion in revenue last year.
Cincinnati’s best-known homegrown chain, Skyline, by contrast, has 150 chili franchises.
More: Buffalo Wild Wings, Wendy's and more restaurants that got their start in Columbus, Ohio
2004
The Hell Is Real sign, which will be 20 years old next year, greets drivers on their way to Cincinnati (not Columbus).
And before anyone in Cincinnati thinks about a comeback for all of this, remember: The sign facing you as you head our way is the Ten Commandments.
Think about No. 9: Thou Shalt Not Bear False Witness Against Thy Neighbor.
Hell Is Real
What: FC Cincinnati vs. Columbus Crew in MLS Eastern Conference final.
Stakes: Winner hosts MLS Cup championship game on Dec. 9.
When: 6 p.m. Saturday
Where: TQL Stadium, Cincinnati
How to watch: The game will be broadcast in Columbus at Lower.com Field and can be watched at home on Apple TV+.
More: Soccer and Sacrilege: The Man Behind the 'Hell is Real' Billboard
This article originally appeared on The Columbus Dispatch: MLS Hell is Real Columbus vs Cincinnati rivalry is no competition
