As the Mother of a Trans Child, I Applaud Charlize Theron
Charlize Theron told the Daily Mail she's honoring her 7-year-old child Jackson's identity as a girl.
"Yes, I thought she was a boy too. Until she looked at me when she was 3 years old and said: ‘I am not a boy!'” Theron said.
Writer Amanda Jetté Knox, the mother of a trans teen, explains why her decision to address this publicly is so important.
As a mother of a trans daughter, it gave me hope to hear that actress Charlize Theron not only has a trans a child, but unwaveringly supports her. This visibility is a bright beacon in darker times.
Theron recently told the Daily Mail that her eldest, Jackson, now seven, stated at the age of three that she was not a boy. “So there you go!” Theron explained. “I have two beautiful daughters who, just like any other parent, I want to protect and I want to see thrive. They were born who they are and exactly where in the world both of them get to find themselves as they grow up, and who they want to be, is not for me to decide.”
My own daughter, the one I knew for 11 years as our middle son, came out in an email to us in 2014. Alexis told us she was “a girl trapped in a boy’s body” and that, “more than anything” she needed to be a girl. Like Charlize, we listened and affirmed who she was. And also, like Charlize, our family was judged for it.
The internet is rife with comments against the A-list star and her family. Cries of “child abuse!” abound. Sadly, this is not surprising to me. My spouse, inspired by our daughter, came out as a trans woman the year after Alexis did, and as a family who’s chosen to share our story of transition publicly, we’ve been called child abusers, freaks, and far worse. We’ve had our lives threatened by people who seem to believe our existence as a loving, supportive family is dangerous.
But there’s nothing dangerous or abusive about loving your child for who they are. Trans children are not a fad. They’ve always existed; we just didn’t always know how to support them. Thanks to adults in the transgender community, we now know how to do better.
By listening to and affirming Jackson while she’s young, Charlize has given her daughter a gift. Jackson will never grow up having to painfully hide who she is until she’s old enough to transition on her own. This is what my wife and many in her generation had to do, leaving her with lasting emotional scars and unwanted physical changes that are either permanent or costly to undo.
The idea that a child can be trans is still woefully misunderstood by many. While some can wrap their heads around the notion of trans adults, they struggle to understand how a child could comprehend their own gender, arguing they’re too young and impressionable to make declarations of this magnitude. How could they possibly know?
But science is catching up to what our kids are telling us. Studies on the brains of transgender children reveal that at an early age, their minds are more similar to the typical activation patterns of their desired gender, rather than the gender they were raised as from birth.
More staggeringly, research has shown that unsupported trans youth have one of the highest rates of attempted suicide of any marginalized group, while those who are supported by family and community have rates that are far closer to the statistical average for their age group. In other words, being trans isn’t the issue, society is.
Large and respected medical bodies, such as the American Academy of Pediatrics, have released policy statements in support of the affirming model of care for trans kids. They know doing so not only improves lives, but can outright save them.
Sadly, much of this knowledge is ignored in the face of bias and bigotry. Many parents still refuse to affirm their children, claiming it’s a phase they’ll grow out of if ignored. Politicians try to invalidate trans identities and deny the community rights to appeal to their voter base. But these are not pawns-they’re people, and the consequences of denying who they are and what they tell us about themselves are devastating.
This is why visibility matters, and why I cheered when I saw Charlize state who her child is so firmly and eloquently. While some naysayers have called it a desperate cry for attention, I see it for what it is: a mother using her privilege and clout to not only protect her child, but to help other children and families as well. Not every parent’s voice can carry this important message as far as hers. Not every trans child is growing up with the safety and security Jackson has.
The more families who stand proudly beside their trans, non-binary and gender non-conforming kids, the more it normalizes our experiences and breeds wider acceptance.
I hope Jackson, like my own daughter, grows up as typically as can be. Alexis is now 16. She’s learning to drive and has her sights set on college after graduation. She loves to ride her bike, play with our dogs, hang out with her friends, fight with her siblings, and write music and software.
And yes, she’s trans, but that’s the least interesting thing about her. It’s just not a big deal. This is the gift of loving our children for exactly who they are.
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