When Mother's Day means queen for a day

May 13—RYE — At Benchmark at Rye, an assisted living residence for people with dementia and memory loss, Elaine Plaisted, 80, got a makeover the Friday before Mother's Day.

Then she posed for a photo to give to her children and 13 grandchildren — a happy memento of a life well-lived, a portrait for now and the future.

Although Plaisted experiences memory lapses — a consequence of a memory-robbing disease, she didn't miss a beat when asked about motherhood.

"It's everything," the former special education teacher said, her voice flexing with emotion. "It's the most wonderful thing that could have happened to me."

Over the course of the Mother's Day Makeover event, 16 resident moms and grandmothers ranging in age from 61 to nearly 90 came to a sunny lounge for a buffing and primping that would make them feel pampered and treasured — nearly a half-century after their round-the-clock duties as mothers had wound down and transitioned to heart-warming snapshots in the brain's photo album.

"I turned 80 the first day of March," Plaisted said from her rolling chair. "That's why I'm old. But I don't even think about it."

She acquired vascular dementia after several strokes, but continues to relish family and living in the moment.

"You look as good as you feel," said Joanne McDonough, the visiting cosmetologist, holding a palette of skin tones and eyelid tints. "And you feel as good as you look."

Plaisted pondered Mother's Day for a moment. "I lost my mother a little while ago. It goes right here," she said, pressing her hand to her heart. "I was blessed with a girl and a boy."

After more than 50 years as a mom through her children's ages and phases, what stands out most?

"I liked the independent times I spent with the kids as they grew up, having conversations with them. I taught them they were free to ask me anything. By gum, they did."

After their family relocated to Virginia when her children were young, school was suddenly a mixture of races and unknown faces.

On a walk outside, she asked her son to spot birds and their feather colors. Just like people, "I told him all the birds are different colors. That's how he learned about the different colors of skin."

A memorable moment occurred when her daughter was preparing for college. "You want me to earn money at the same time?" she said, looking perplexed.

Plaisted laughed when her daughter pulled into the driveway, steering a bus — after deciding the best financial route was to take a day job and courses at night. "I dropped money in the box (for fares) and rode in the seat behind her so I could visit with her," Plaistow said.

What's the importance of Mother's Day now?

"It's to celebrate the fact that we gave birth to children. I loved having children. People think 80 is ancient," she said, grinning. "But you still don't change who you are."

Not every makeover recipient was able to chat, but most brightened when asked to recall times with their kids.

Beverly Clement, 88, who has Alzheimer's dementia, immediately whispered "snuggling and cuddling" when asked what stands out most. "All the cute things they did."

A former nurse at York Hospital, Hannah Sweeney, 87, who has general dementia, said, "My boys have been very good to me. I did everything for them. I loved being a mom,"

She has vivid memories of knitting their winter hats and playing the piano — activities that vanished with arthritis, leaving imprints of everyday joys.

Getting a refreshing new look and a portrait to match became a Mother's Day present.

"We wanted to make them feel like queens for a day," said Rob Memmelo, executive director of Benchmark at Rye, where roughly 75% of the center's 42 residents are women. "A lot of these people raised families and had outstanding careers. They just don't forget that."

"It's really about human connection and living life," said Laurie Rodman, the marketing director.

Brain surgery and subsequent illness left Margie Heindel of Greenland, a former nurse, with memory issues that compromise her memory and independent living.

At 61, she relishes times spent with her two daughters, now grown and living in Dover and Boston. They enjoyed baking together. The fledgling chefs were in charge of the frosting. Birthday parties were themed get-togethers with homemade cakes — including one that resembled the Portsmouth trolley — which they liked to ride.

"I think they enjoyed having creative birthday parties at home," Heindel said. Her youngest, 24, is now a chef at a patisserie restaurant in Portsmouth. For an early Mother's Day, she prepared her mom's favorite, goulash and spaetzle, a German and Austrian dish.

"So often as caregivers and health care professionals we think of all the losses. There's a lot of life to be lived after a diagnosis" of dementia — including Alzheimer's dementia, the most common form, said Melissa Grenier, director of the New Hampshire chapter of the Alzheimer's Association.

"Laughter, joy, appreciation. Being with peers or family. We can better sustain people socially, emotionally and cognitively if we engage them in heartwarming events that are uplifting and celebrate their contribution to their family," Grenier said.

Nationwide data shows that Alzheimer's disproportionately affects women, who are both patients and caregivers for family members with memory-disabling conditions. An estimated 6.7 million Americans are living with Alzheimer's dementia in 2023 and almost two-thirds are women.

The fact that women, on average, live longer contributes to this, said Grenier. Worldwide studies are inclusive as to which sex and gender are inherently at greater risk.

In 2020, over 55 million worldwide were living with any form of dementia — which has roughly 100 subtypes — and that number is predicted to double every 20 years, according to Alzheimer's Disease International. Dementia refers collectively to diseases that target memory, thinking, emotions and behavior, and is the leading cause for disability and dependency in the elderly. Each year, there are approximately 10 million new cases worldwide, according to ADI.

Most patients eventually struggle with all aspects of daily living. But people unfamiliar with the condition are frequently surprised to see how much dementia patients actually remember — including words to songs — and the art they can create now.

"People are scientists, professors and homemakers. They've made a positive impact even though they're experiencing these losses" now, said Grenier. "It's so important to celebrate the people who are still here."

Plaisted held a mirror in her outstretched hand and smiled approvingly, then turned to thank her makeover team.

"You guys did a lot. I just brought it in here — a clean face," she said. Then she turned to soak up the sun.