On Mother's Day, spare a thought for that eternal punchline: the mother-in-law

There's no day like Mother's Day. That's because there's no one like mother.

Who else feeds us, soothes us, sings us to sleep, puts Bactine on our boo boos? Who doesn't love a mother?

Your husband — that's who.

That's what a million TV comics, newspaper cartoons, and situation comedies used to tell us. Mothers-in-law? Phooey!

This of course, in an era before feminism, before same-sex marriage. Before humor, as we now conceive it.

The mother-in-law is — or was — one of the most reliable punchlines in show business. She was bossy. Domineering. Overprotective of her daughter, and endlessly critical of her choice of husband.

Worst of all, she was none of those things from a distance. Always, she was depicted as being on a visit that never ends.

This Mother's Day, May 14, as you're giving candy and flowers and singing "M is for the Million things she gave me...," spare a thought for the poor, unhappy mother-in-law.

No one ever walked a million miles for one of her smiles.

Oldie but a goodie

"I think mothers-in-law have been a really fraught subject for decades," said Christopher Miller, author of "American Cornball: a Laffopedic Guide to the Formerly Funny" (HarperCollins, 2013).

His book unpacks some 200 comedy tropes, from Falling Safes to Henpecked Husbands to Women Drivers, that were once reliable laugh-getters, and now mostly make people go "hunh?" You'll find the Mothers-in-law section under "M."

Father-in-law jokes, by contrast, are rare. And certainly no one ever wrote jokes from a mother-in-law's perspective — about what it's like to cope with a ghastly son-in-law.

Maybe that's because, in a male-dominated entertainment industry, the sons-in-law wrote all the gags.

"It was sort of male bitching," Miller said. "Mothers-in-law were nosy, nagging, interfering, and famous for their long stays. They're hard to get rid of, once they're there."

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Universal joke

Ralph Kramden in "The Honeymooners," Darrin in "Bewitched" and Fred Flintstone all had terrible mothers-in-law. In the 1960s, there was a TV sitcom called "The Mothers-in-Law."

Even Woody Allen, a "sad-faced redhead with big ears, who's only 18 years old," according to the always-timely 1958 handbook "How to Write Television Comedy," wrote mother-in-law jokes.

"Mothers-in-law are like seeds," Allen cracked. "You don't need them, but they come with the tomato."

In 1961, "Mother-in-Law" — written by New Orleans R&B legend Allen Toussaint — was the No. 1 hit on both the Billboard Hot 100 chart and the Billboard R&B chart. "She thinks her advice is a contribution, But if she would leave that would be the solution," groused singer Ernie K-Doe.

Not even highbrow Henry Higgins, in the 1956 musical "My Fair Lady," could resist a mother-in-law joke.

"She'll having a booming boisterous family, Who'll descend on you en masse," he shudders in the song "I'm An Ordinary Man." "She'll have a large Wagnerian mother, With a voice that shatters glass!"

Old as the seven hills

How far back do mother-in-law jokes go? A long way, Miller said.

In ancient Rome, the satirist Juvenal (1st century AD) thought mothers-in-law were a riot. Anthropologist James George Frazer ("The Golden Bough") recorded mother-in-law taboos among aboriginal Australians.

The mother-in-law is such a universal target that it inspired anthropologist Margaret Mead to coin her own quip. "Of all the peoples whom I have studied, from city dwellers to cliff dwellers, I always find that at least 50 percent would prefer to have at least one jungle between themselves and their mother-in-law."

A species of flowering plant, dracaena trifasciata, is known as mother-in-law's tongue. And of course, in pop culture, mothers-in-law are a staple — from early 1900s comic postcards to silent comedies to radio and TV programs.

Why? Miller has a couple of thoughts. Such humor, he believes, may address specific male anxieties.

One: the fear of the mother-in-law as saboteur. She — from the male perspective — is the person working to undermine the marriage. The mother-in-law is the eternal critic of the husband. The voice that whispers in daughter's ear: "You could do better."

Two: mother-in-law is an omen. An unpleasant reminder of what the wife will turn into in 20 years.

"There's a feeling that she is uncomfortably close, biologically, to your wife," Miller said. "They're older, but they probably bear some resemblance to their daughter."

Time to move on

Mostly, such jokes have vanished now. The influence of feminism, the fact that there are now female wags in the writer's room, has sent them packing. Just what Ralph Kramden and Fred Flintstone wanted to do with their troublesome mothers-in-law, back in the day.

"One thing I've found that's interesting: women in real life are much more likely than men to be traumatized by their mother-in-law," Miller said. "There are whole websites of tortured daughters-in-law with monstrous mothers-in-law. If you ever read the advice columns, one of the common complaints is, 'My mother-in-law critiques my cooking, or the way I'm raising my kids.' "

The upshot: whatever the era, whatever the fashion in humor, the mother-in-law just can't catch a break.

Which is why you should be extra kind to her this Mother's Day. You're making up for 20 centuries' worth of abuse.

As for the old mother-in-law wheeze —the battle-axe, full of unlooked-for advice, on an unending visit — take it for what it is: a prize specimen of the Formerly Funny.

"These old jokes are like fossilized dinosaur turds," Miller said. "They're so old they don't disgust anymore."

This article originally appeared on NorthJersey.com: Mother's Day 2023: Don't forget about the mother-in-law