'A mother's gift': Retired Erie exec reflects on mother's legacy of strength, resilience
"You look just like your mother." I've heard this so many times and seen so many pictures of us together that there is no denying our resemblance.
It's a comparison I treasure. But through the years, I've discovered there's another similarity between us that I value even more. This resemblance has nothing to do with any outward appearances but instead with something deep within us. Call it strength; call it determination; call it a life force. I call it simply, "a mother's gift."
Throughout her life my mother, Grace Wilkinson, was called upon to overcome life's challenges. Some were easier than others. As a young wife and mother, my father's job with the Pennsylvania Game Commission required relocating from the modern lifestyle of a town in eastern Pennsylvania to a very rural village in the western part of the state. Leaving all her relatives and many of her Pennsylvania Dutch traditions behind, this shy, quiet woman would begin to show her inner strength to overcome life's challenges. Despite being uprooted and finding herself in very unfamiliar surroundings, she soon established a loving home for her family, made an ever-increasing number of friends and grew ever more active in her church and the community.
Years later, she found herself unexpectedly widowed at the age of 57. Walking out of the hospital the morning of my father's death l remember her saying tearfully, "How will I ever make it without him!" Adding to the challenge of adjusting to life as a widow was the fact that she would have to move out of the Game Commission-owned house that had been our family home for 20 years. Again, she showed her strength to overcome.
Despite the overwhelming loss of both her husband and her home, she found the courage to begin a new life in a nearby town. Before long she became involved in many of the small town's activities. She baked pies for numerous community bake sales and delivered homemade soups to shut-ins. She volunteered at the local thrift shop and was a very active member of her town's community gardens. She became so loved by this community that years later she was asked to serve as the first-ever grand marshal of the town's annual Peanut Butter Festival parade. Perched on the back of a convertible, she waved at the crowd along the parade route. Amazing for someone who was within days of her 100th birthday, and even more so when you consider that less than a decade earlier, she had been given only days to live.
Forty-eight hours. That's how long she was expected to live, when in 2011 at the age of 94, she suffered a severe head trauma and was flown by emergency medical helicopter to a trauma center. She was not expected to live, let alone return to any kind of normal life. But once again, something deep within her gave her the strength to not only survive but to return to many of the activities she loved.
Once again she had shown her ability to overcome life's toughest challenges. To many of her friends and family, it seemed amazing that she would not only survive this trauma but also be able to return to her former active life. She became known to many of her friends and family as our "amazing Grace."
For me, her strength was more than just amazing. When I was diagnosed with a very aggressive form of breast cancer shortly after she had suffered her head injuries, her strength became my inspiration to beat this cancer.
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Through every step of my treatment, which included surgery, chemo and radiation, I was determined to show the same resilience that my mother had as she fought her way back against the toughest odds. With her as my role model, I, too, was able to survive and return to my own active life.
That is, until the summer of 2019 when I would find myself facing the challenge of overcoming two brain bleeds and brain stem surgery.
A photo taken less than four months after my brain surgery illustrates once again, the similarities between us. The photo, taken at my mother's 102nd birthday celebration, appears at first to be simply a picture of a daughter raising her arm in excitement as her mother prepares to blow out the candles on her cake. But it is much more. As a result of the two brain bleeds, I had lost the use of my entire right side. When this happened in July, I wondered if I would even be alive for my mother's 102nd birthday. To think that I would be able to use what was then my weakened right hand to light the candles on her cake or raise my then limp right arm in a celebratory salute or stand on two feet seemed impossible. But once again, just as with my cancer diagnosis, I was inspired by the strength and courage my mother had shown throughout her life. Once again, as I fought to overcome the effects of those bleeds and regain the full use of my right side, I found a strength that resembled that of my mother. My friends, family, and even my neurosurgeon have often described my recovery as amazing. I prefer to think of it as just another way I resemble my mother.
After all, I am the daughter of “amazing Grace.”
Now, with her passing at the age of 104 on March 10, 2022, there will be no more pictures taken that show our physical resemblance. But that does not mean the likeness between us has to end. For as much as she was seen to be amazing in the way that she faced life's challenges, she was just as amazing in the many ways she found to help others. Many of the sympathy cards received and the memories shared at her funeral included stories of the varied ways in which she had helped someone with just a simple act of kindness. She could have never imagined not helping others. It was simply in her DNA to help others. Hopefully it's in mine as well because I can think of no better way to honor her and continue our resemblance than by being kind and helping others.
Linda Wilkinson, the retired executive director of the Hamot Health Foundation, lives in Erie. She hopes that as people read this article and it brings to mind someone who has given them strength that they will tell that person. It just might be the best gift you could ever give that person, she said.
This article originally appeared on Erie Times-News: On Mother's Day, Linda Wilkinson reflects on her mother's life, legacy
