Movie review: 'Last' hurrah for Channing Tatum's 'Magic Mike'

No one comes to the “Magic Mike” franchise for the story. It’s like that old saw about reading Playboy for the articles. Yet, in its third – and seemingly final – installment, “Magic Mike’s Last Dance,” the plot – not the dancing – takes center stage. And, the most interesting characters are a wry British butler (Ayub Khan Din) and a snarky teenager (Jemelia George).  That’s not sexy! It seems director Steven Soderbergh, star Channing Tatum and screenwriter Reid Carolin forgot what makes the "Magic Mike" movies fun. While there’s still plenty of beefcake on display, there’s not a pair of backless chaps in sight. What’s up?

In “Last Dance,” Carolin’s script (he wrote all three movies) has no room for exotic dancer Mike Lane’s (Tatum) roguish stripper pals (paging Joe Manganiello’s Big Dick Richie!), as it thrusts a woman (Salma Hayek Pinault) to the forefront. Nothing wrong seeing the world of stripping through a female gaze, but Soderbergh, back in the director’s chair after skipping the last entry, exiles her for most of the third act. So what’s that really accomplishing?

Yes, a lot has changed in the eight years since we last saw Mike. His furniture business has gone belly up amid COVID-19. Now, he’s navigating a post-pandemic world by jumping from one bartending gig to the next. His latest gig is working a swanky Miami party for Hayek’s Maxandra Mendoza – and then working her.

When Max gets wind of Mike’s old dancing days, she summons him for a private show that turns out to be one long dry-hump session. It’s a lap dance on steroids, with Mike doffing his T-shirt and cargo pants as he carries her around the living room like a prop. They simulate having sex on a coffee table, hanging from a beam and against a wall of glass windows. The scene isn’t quite as erotic as the film intends. It’s over-choreographed and you can sense an intimacy coordinator lurking not far from the set. The shirtless beach-football scene in “Top Gun: Maverick” is more titillating.

Faster than you can rip off a pair of tear-away pants, Mike and Max are on her private jet flying to London, where she pushes him to turn the staid costume drama "Isabela Ascendant"  into a male stripper revue that she’ll pay him thousands to produce. Why? Because, she says, “his artistry makes me feel ecstasy.”  She wants women everywhere to feel like she did the night she met Mike. Or, might it be a ploy to get back at her media mogul ex-husband (Alan Cox) by running around with a sexy exotic dancer? Or, both? The show is set to take place in the historic Ratigan Theater, which is coincidentally owned by her in-laws.

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The middle of the movie is full-on “let’s put on a show,” with montages of dancers and the usual hiccups along the way. The show is off; no, it’s on; and now it’s off again. A city bureaucrat (Vicki Pepperdine) is looking for a reason to shut it down. None of the tension is real. Neither is the will-they-or-won’t-they love story developing between Mike and Max.

On screen, there’s plenty of swagger, chiseled abs, sculpted shoulders and polished pecs. The music and choreography do not disappoint, either. Ginuwine's "Pony" is back. It's all eye candy, enhanced by a troupe of nameless dancers executing gravity-defying athleticism. Each dancer is a hotter, buffer version of the guy before him, until you get to Tatum, who’s own thong-wearing time in Tampa inspired the movies and live Vegas stage show.

When it finally comes time for the grand finale, the naked truth is that nothing happening in the first two-thirds of the film matters – at all. Although Tatum is stage shy for most of the movie, and busts few moves, he certainly sticks the landing in a steamy last dance involving lots of water and a ballerina (Kylie Shea). File under very dirty dancing.

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'Magic Mike's Last Dance'

Rating: R for sexual material and language

Cast: Salma Hayek, Channing Tatum

Director: Steven Soderbergh

Writer: Reid Carolin

Running time: 1 hour, 52 minutes

Where to watch: In theaters Friday

Grade: B-

This article originally appeared on The Patriot Ledger: Movie review: 'Last' hurrah for Channing Tatum's 'Magic Mike'