Nancy Pelosi doesn't want to call for impeachment because she has a very long list of super important things to do

Ali-Asghar Abedi

Despite many calls from the Democratic caucus and Republican Congressman Justin Amash tweeting a case for impeachment, Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi remains resistant to the prospect. It’s not that she doesn’t think there’s a case for impeachment - there clearly is. It’s just that Nancy has other priorities - legislative and otherwise - that mean filing articles of impeachment is on the backburner.

What could take priority over impeachment? Turns out that Nancy has quite a long list:

1. Explain to Trump that exercising one’s constitutional right does not constitute physical activity

2. Defend her lack of engagement with the homeless community in San Francisco by arguing that she wants to write to them but doesn’t know the address

3. Suspend the speaker’s gavel above Kevin McCarthy’s desk so that its always within sight but never within reach

4. Host a charity event to raise funds for the mental well-being of very stable geniuses that have been publicly eviscerated by intelligent women

5. Ignore voicemails from Theresa May asking about how to make a solid gold political comeback

6. Promote her new, inspirational healthcare policy 'Medicare for All Who Are in Jobs and Can Get Insurance From Their Employer'

7. Develop an infrastructure plan to thicken Donald Trump's skin

8. Congratulate Modi on winning re-election because right-wing nationalists can be celebrated as long as they’re not American politicians

9. Propose universal background checks for purchases of water pistols

Of course, Nancy isn’t the only Democratic Congressional leader with a to-do list for the remainder of this legislative session. Chuck Schumer has his own agenda. It mostly centers on learning how the Senate works. But Chuck isn’t a one-trick pony. He’s got more than one agenda item: he’s patented the phrase “Cryin’ Chuck” and will sell it to Mattel to brand their forthcoming action figure of him. Although if it is a true likeness of Schumer, it will probably be an inaction figure.