Nassim: What autism has taught me about relationships with people and dogs
Recently I was part of a panel discussion about service dogs. Someone asked me: “How does the dog influence your relationships with other people?”
Some people are surprised to learn that due to a diagnosis of autism spectrum disorder in my mid-teens, certain social behaviors such as how to hold a reciprocal conversation, how to make eye contact and form meaningful relationships with others were all learned behaviors for me. It is common for children and adults with autism to have to be directly instructed in certain social behaviors which typical children and adults often learn naturally through observation and exposure. As a child, I did not have a service dog, but I have always loved dogs. During visits to family friends who had dogs, I would briefly say hello to everyone and then rush to find the dog to play with until dinner.
Mostly throughout life I have been described as very warm, friendly, and engaging, but I never was a very physically affectionate child. I would cry as a baby when my parents tried to hold me and even when in distress rarely sought hugs or kisses from parents or other relatives. Instead, I would rock back and forth. I was also easily soothed by water: baths, showers, swimming, any of it. Now, although I will give and accept affection, this too, was a taught skill over several years that is many times still done with verbal prompting more than freely given. However, this is not the case with dogs.
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The idea of a service dog came at the end of my senior year in college. After about the first year or two of having Lucy as part of the family, my parents and I were out taking her for a walk one day. They had started to lag a bit behind the two of us, and I could hear my mom whisper: “Look at the way Adria is looking at her. Sustained eye contact and just happy as a clam. She doesn’t look at people like that.”
They also noticed that although I had to be coached or prompted to socially interact with people and show physical affection toward them, I was so happy to spend time walking Lucy several times a day, working with her on certain skills or simply lying with her stroking her as she licked my hands.
People many times don’t consider how sensory based human relationships are. For some individuals with autism, all the sensory input of a typical relationship may be overwhelming, whereas interaction with a dog can offer a different alternative. The presence of the dog also helps with social interaction because people get to know the dog after seeing her around so much and like to stop and ask about her and comment on her and sometimes talk about their own experiences with dogs. The dog becomes a conversation piece and encourages the client to interact with others when they may not do so otherwise.
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However, I understand dogs better. I never really have to try hard to understand them because they think very concretely and literally just the way I do. They communicate best with simple, short phrases which is good because you don’t necessarily have to use words all the time. Many people with autism also have expressive language delay, but a dog will know he has done what you want just as well with a head scratch or a rub of his ears or throwing him his favorite ball, provided you are consistent. Verbal language is not a must have. Dogs also love routine and consistency. This is another similarity to the way individuals with autism learn. I love that Lucy and Mr. T. have to have a schedule because it helps me structure my day to take care of them.
Lucy changed my life and got to know me the way no person ever has. I suppose you could say the best relationships aren’t always human.
This article originally appeared on The Herald-Times: Service dog helps columnist with autism engage in social activities
